Reality Check: Habit-Forming

Posted on September 20, 2015 by RealityCheck

It’s commonly said that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. It’s tempting to believe that if you rigidly adhere to a new behaviour for a set number of days, then it magically becomes engrained in you. You have a new habit! You don’t have to think about it anymore; it’s not painful anymore; it’s just a new, improved you.

Ahhh…if only it were true.

Each of us has habits; some positive, satisfying ones that work well for us, and probably a few others that don’t work so well. Those may cause us dissatisfaction or even pain.

One interesting habit is that of being happy or unhappy. You may have noticed that some people seem happy, or at least satisfied, even when bad things happen in their lives. When they experience setbacks like everyone does, they still seem to remain fundamentally contented. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Worry-Weed Patch

Posted on September 20, 2015 by RealityCheck

Even if you’ve never gardened, you’ve probably noticed that a patch of bare ground doesn’t stay bare for long. Nature doesn’t like empty space.

What fills that space? Weeds, of course. Lambs-quarters take up residence in the garden; plantain plants itself in gravel; dandelions will even grow in cracks in a sidewalk. No matter how inhospitable the spot, there’s a weed that will thrive.

While we could debate whether these plants are weeds or nature’s gifts, for now, let’s define a weed as anything that grows where it’s not wanted. Unless planted, bare ground fills with weeds.

What about other empty spaces? For example, how about empty space in our lives—when we’re bored and can find nothing we want to do? Or empty space in our thoughts, when we find nothing engaging or interesting. Or perhaps we have empty space in our feelings, times when we just feel “blah.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Scorekeeping Relationship

Posted on September 5, 2015 by RealityCheck

Last time, I made a case for keeping score in our lives. Keeping track of data about how we spend our time, what we do with our money, or even how much we eat can be helpful. It provides us with information, which we can use to evaluate our actions objectively. It can keep us motivated and help us progress in the direction we want to go. It’s all good.

However, I also suggested that there’s one place where keeping score makes lives worse rather than better. Where’s that? In my view—it’s score-keeping in a relationship.

Whether it’s a romantic relationship or a relationship among children, with coworkers, or even between friends, the downsides of scorekeeping outweigh any potential upsides.

What is score-keeping in a relationship? You can sum it up in three little words: “You owe me.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Scorekeeping and Self-Evaluation

Posted on August 30, 2015 by RealityCheck

Scorekeeping. We’re all familiar with it. Whether your experience is on the soccer field or at the card table, you know that keeping score can add value to the game. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t keep doing it, right?

Fundamentally, keeping score involves taking data and then using that data to make comparisons or draw conclusions. The sports world—indeed, competitions of all types thrive on it.

Scorekeeping is also useful for self-development. For example, say you are trying to improve your stamina. First, choose a metric (the quantity to measure) such as, “How far have I walked?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Perspectives on Luxury

Posted on August 23, 2015 by RealityCheck

It can be interesting to see how people used to live, so I took the opportunity this summer to tour the historic Wyatt House in Summerside. Through that tour, one gets a glimpse into the lives of some very wealthy folks, spanning a century or so.

One of my observations is that some of those “historic artifacts” are familiar items many of us grew up with (or in my case, still use). If you, too, are blessed by having already lived a few years, you know what I’m talking about.

Some objects, such as the gold plated china and the intricately carved furniture, were truly evidence of wealth. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When I Grow Up

Posted on August 16, 2015 by RealityCheck

“I’m still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up.” You’d expect that from children, teenagers, and young adults. Yet I hear it from folks who are well into their working lives or even in retirement.

If that’s you, there’s no need to perceive your uncertainty as aimlessness or indecision. Far from it. You are in good company—with people who have jobs, homes, families, and activities. From the outside, they appear to know exactly what they want to do and they’re doing it. Inside, they wonder, “What is my ideal purpose? How can I best be of service? What, really, do I want to be?”

Not everyone wonders about such questions. If you’re one who does, though, you know it would be satisfying to be able to say, “That’s it, I’ve got it!”

So, how do you get there? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Better Left Unsaid?

Posted on August 9, 2015 by RealityCheck

Communication is generally recognized as being essential to the development of satisfying relationships. I’m not just talking about romantic relationships here. All kinds of relationships: friends, work-related, parent-child, student-teacher, benefit when people can communicate effectively.

Did you notice the word “effectively” in that statement? While we may talk a lot, not all talk is effective communication. For example, choosing to argue, to use sarcasm, to label, to accuse, to blame, or to complain are communication choices that don’t exactly help build close, satisfying relationships! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Choice Not Taken

Posted on August 2, 2015 by RealityCheck

After we’ve made a choice, the option we’ve chosen seems to become our focus. For example, you make a choice in a restaurant: “I’ll have the fish and chips, please.” When your fish arrives, it’s your focus. You might be satisfied with your choice, or you might be dissatisfied and learn to make a different choice in the future.

There’s another way of looking, though. When we select one choice, we are, by definition, giving up other choices. By saying “yes” to the fish, I am also saying “no” to the scallops.

For important choices, it can be helpful to consider not only, “What will I choose?” but also, “What am I giving up? What am I choosing to reject?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Engagement as an Employability Skill

Posted on July 27, 2015 by RealityCheck

Skills such as getting along with others, overcoming shyness, and developing a willingness to learn can help us get and keep employment. I’ve been referring to these as “employability skills.”
Even if you don’t care deeply about your workplace, such skills are still worthwhile as they increase satisfaction in non-work life, too!
The skill I’ve chosen for this last look at employability is one that can make one’s whole life more satisfying when we choose to use it. It’s the skill of engagement.
Do you know what engagement looks like? Have you been in a store where the customer-service folks want to make sure that you get exactly what you want and do their best to ensure that you are delighted? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Willingness to Learn as an Employability Skill

Posted on July 19, 2015 by RealityCheck

Whether you spend time in a workplace, school, or in blissful retirement, you’ve likely noticed that there’s a lot of change going on. Sometimes, it’s even for the better.

Especially in the workplace, willingness to change is essential. Why?

Our competitors change; improving their products and services. They may even have the audacity to lower their prices! Suddenly, the perfectly acceptable product that we’d produced for years doesn’t look so good by comparison. Our previously loyal customers stray to our competitors.

We didn’t change, but they did. Thus our situation changes, like it or not.

How to cope? A company needs to be willing to learn, adapt and innovate to remain successful. But a “company” doesn’t learn; that’s up to the folks within. Continue reading →

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