Reality Check

Reality Check: Information in Action

Posted on June 14, 2015 by RealityCheck

Recently, I came across a near-magical convergence of two of my interests (that’s quality assurance and choice theory, of course.) The weekly quote on my favourite quality assurance website was a choice theory quote from Dr. Wm. Glasser!
Glasser said, “What we get, and all we ever get, from the outside is information; how we choose to act on this information is up to us.”
That’s useful to remember, whether we are providing information or on the receiving end. How might it help?
Think about how people sometimes get into conflict. One person tells another what to do and expects action as a result. Action doesn’t happen. Conflict results. Have you ever experienced that? Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Behaviour | Tagged "should", frustration, offering information | Comments Off

Reality Check: The Angry Stance

Posted on June 7, 2015 by RealityCheck

Do you have an automatic mode? That is, do you wake up feeling pretty much the same every day? Is your first reaction to a situation more or less the same, despite whether the situation is positive or negative?

Some folks seem automatically happy, others sad. Some are easy-going; others angry. Does the situation cause the reaction? Or is it a choice of response?

To an outsider, Darren’s automatic mode is “the angry stance.” From the multitude of choices available, when given the slightest provocation, he chooses anger. But Darren doesn’t see it, so let’s look at some examples. Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Behaviour | Tagged "should", criticism, dissatisfaction, perception | Comments Off

Reality Check: The Treasure Hunt

Posted on May 31, 2015 by RealityCheck

Humans have problems. As I’m interested in helping folks overcome problems, I look for information on problem-solving. In a recent article, “The Obstacles of Everyday Problem Solving,” author James J. Rooney connected problem-solving and treasure-hunting. How might treasure-hunting help with problem-solving?

When we think of problems, we often feel bleak and discouraged. “Oh dear, yet another problem. Life is just one problem after another…” Do you know that feeling?

Now, think about hunting for treasure. Or solving a puzzle. Or figuring out the clues to a mystery. That’s a different feeling, isn’t it? It’s fun. It’s rewarding. It’s not dull and depressing like problem-solving. Continue reading →

Posted in Perception & Reality | Tagged choosing thoughts, frustration, perception | Comments Off

Reality Check: Friendly Support

Posted on May 24, 2015 by RealityCheck

“You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family!” As we can, indeed, choose our friends, it makes sense that friendship would be supportive, encouraging, and helpful for both people. But that’s not always the case.

Some friend relationships involve “friends” who are not at all supportive and may even hurt one another.

Phil had a recent health scare and decided to quit smoking. He’s tried before without success, but he has new motivation now. It will be difficult, but he is determined.

Mark, Phil’s lifelong friend, is aware of Phil’s situation. Mark is also a smoker. Continue reading →

Posted in Relationships | Tagged "should", improving relationships, offering information | Comments Off

Reality Check: Smart Praise

Posted on May 17, 2015 by RealityCheck

I have previously suggested that supportive behaviours, such as encouraging and offering recognition, are helpful for building strong relationships. How about praise? Is it an effective way to recognize and encourage?
When little Joey started elementary school, he’d already had some preschool education. Thus, he easily caught on to reading, writing, and working with numbers.
Parents and teachers alike praised his intelligence. “You are so smart! You’ll never have to study.” They express in amazement, “He hears something once and knows it. He’s just that clever.” Continue reading →

Posted in Helping Others | Tagged learning, offering information | Comments Off

Reality Check: Choosing a Mindset

Posted on May 10, 2015 by RealityCheck

For someone with math difficulties, I often recommend the website www.khanacademy.org. I suggest the site because it offers opportunities to practice: you can work as much or as little as you want, and you can progress quickly or slowly. It addresses levels from the very beginner to the quite advanced. In addition, it’s fun and it’s free.

This isn’t an ad for a website, though.

What recently got my attention is some cooperative work between Khan and Stanford University about growing one’s intelligence. It looks at the difference between a “growth mindset” and a “fixed mindset.” Continue reading →

Posted in Learning | Tagged choosing thoughts, discouragement, frustration | Comments Off

Reality Check: When Wants Collide

Posted on May 3, 2015 by RealityCheck

When our wants collide with the wants of others, conflict can occur. However, you don’t necessarily need two people for a conflict! How about when your wants collide?

Jane wants many things. She wants time to spend with her children and to appreciate her elderly relatives.

She also wants money. She wants a good paycheque, benefits, and pension to reduce her anxiety about the future.

She also wants achievement, to know that she is the absolute best she can be.

She also wants involvement and contribution, to know she’s fulfiling her role in society.

And Jane wants fun. She wants to replace her feelings of drudgery and disappointment with feelings of success and abundance.

That’s not asking too much, is it? Continue reading →

Posted in Satisfaction | Tagged discouragement, making choices, need satisfaction | Comments Off

Reality Check: To Choose or Not to Choose?

Posted on April 26, 2015 by RealityCheck

In recent public service ads, a teenager says something like, “My parents didn’t tell me that driving while high was a bad idea, so it must be ok.”

One logical response is, “If your parents didn’t tell you it’s a bad idea to jump off the roof, does that mean it’s ok?” (There’s also the opposite view, “If my parents said it was a bad idea, then it must be awesome!” But we know that teenagers don’t think like that, right? )

Fact is, what some of us consider obvious and “common” sense is not obvious and common to all. It’s surprising what people don’t know! So the ad encourages parents to give information—tell your children specifically that driving while high (or working while high, or coming to school while high) is not ok.

This column isn’t a rant about teenage behaviour, though; it’s about choices! Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Behaviour | Tagged "should", guilt, making choices, offering information | Comments Off

Reality Check: The Big Sigh

Posted on April 19, 2015 by RealityCheck

Memorable sayings aren’t always elegant and this one, though a little crude, is also unforgettable: “Assume—it makes an ass of u and me.”
Making an assumption doesn’t literally turn you or me into a body part. (I know because I’ve tested it.) However, assumptions can certainly contribute to relationship difficulties.
Miriam appreciates that her niece, Louise, takes the time to visit her weekly to keep her up to date with the family happenings.
Last visit, Miriam got the impression that Louise would rather be elsewhere. She seemed impatient and had even let out a big sigh while Miriam was talking.
Continue reading →

Posted in Perception & Reality | Tagged conflict, improving relationships, perception | Comments Off

Reality Check: The Give and Take of Communication

Posted on April 12, 2015 by RealityCheck

There are so many communication pitfalls that it’s amazing that we can communicate at all! It’s not that we can’t make ourselves heard, rather, it’s the understanding /being understood part that’s so problematic.

Rebecca has a hard time communicating with her dad. No matter the topic, conversations end up in a shouting match. There’s no agreement, no resolution, and no one walks away happy.

A typical conversation goes like this: Dad asks, “Where have you been?” Rebecca perceives that as an unreasonable question that she doesn’t want to answer. So, she tells him as little as she thinks she can get away with. When that doesn’t work, she tells him what she thinks he wants to hear. When he doesn’t believe her, they argue. Continue reading →

Posted in Relationships | Tagged "should", blame, improving relationships, perception | Comments Off