Reality Check: The Ups and Downs of Positive Thinking

Posted on February 22, 2015 by RealityCheck

Do you “think positively?” Do you believe that it’s important and helpful to do so?

One of the appealing aspects of choice theory for me is its positive message and optimistic view of human possibility. By recognizing what we can and can’t control; we can develop more personal freedom. By developing ways of interacting without attempting to externally control others; we can build better, happier relationships. It all leads to more life satisfaction.

Even when we can’t change the reality, we can sometimes change our perception. In a highly dissatisfying situation that you can’t change, try getting a different perspective by asking, “Is there a positive way of looking at this?” It could help!

Are there any potential downsides to thinking positively? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Power and Embarrassment

Posted on February 15, 2015 by RealityCheck

Fear of embarrassment is powerful. Some folks will do almost anything to avoid feeling embarrassed. Why?

According to choice theory, among the basic needs that we all share is a need for power; that is, to be respected and valued. Some of the responses we choose may depend on how well that power need is being satisfied.

For example, you’re doing a task at work and your co-worker tells you, “You’re doing that wrong.” If your power need is generally satisfied, Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Value of Compassion

Posted on February 8, 2015 by RealityCheck

What does it mean to be compassionate? What differentiates a compassionate person from others?

Elsie values compassion; in her mind, it is simply the right way to be. She easily finds ways to treat strangers compassionately by giving of her time, her money, and her heart.

Where Elsie has a struggle with compassion, however, is within her own family. Her daughter, Lisa, has made life choices that Elsie can’t understand. As far as Elsie can tell, many of Lisa’s choices have brought her only negative consequences. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Value of Perspective

Posted on February 1, 2015 by RealityCheck

Madison is afraid. As she understands it, polar bears are drowning, cities are flooding, our food is killing us, and artificially-intelligent appliances will become our masters. The world can be a frightening place, especially for a young person.
Of course, some fear is useful. Fear can be effective as a deterrent against taking dangerous, foolhardy risks! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Value of Delayed Gratification

Posted on January 25, 2015 by RealityCheck

Would you stop drinking all sugary drinks for a year for $500? That’s the offer that one family made to their children.

You could view that as bribery. Or, you could view it as an innovative teaching method. Regardless, one son did in fact skip pop, hot chocolate, and everything else sugary for the year and collected his $500.

My immediate reaction was, “That young lad is going to become a wealthy man!” Why? Not because of the $500, though that’s a nice start. It’s because he has demonstrated that he can weigh “what I want right now” with “what I want in the future.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Value of Purpose

Posted on January 18, 2015 by RealityCheck

“I personally believe that each and every one of us was put here for a purpose; that’s to build and not destroy.”

Do you recognize those words? They came from Red Skelton—the comedian who poked fun at the pompous and self-important through gentle good humour. His characters, such as Freddy the Freeloader, always seemed to come out on top despite apparently lacking intelligence, money, or power.

Skelton commented specifically on his life’s purpose: “If by chance someday you are not feeling well and you should remember some silly little thing that I’ve said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose has been served for my fellow man.”

Skelton wasn’t just a funny man. He understood the importance of humour and its connection to his life’s purpose.

Do you wonder about your life’s purpose? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: “Should” versus “Could”

Posted on January 11, 2015 by RealityCheck

One little word sometimes makes a world of difference, doesn’t it? Some are obvious contrasts: “I love you” versus “I hate you;” or “I don’t care” versus “I do care.”

However, other small changes are not so obvious, yet have big effects. Such is the case with “could” and “should.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Recalculating

Posted on December 21, 2014 by RealityCheck

Year end is a fine time to think about the big questions of life, such as: Where do I want to go? How will I get there?

If you’re familiar with a certain brand of GPS (I call mine Martha) then you are also familiar with a matter-of-fact voice that says, “Recalculating.”

In case you haven’t experienced the joy of a GPS telling you where to go, here’s the scoop. You enter your destination into the GPS. She (or it, if you prefer) determines how to get there and tells you the first step toward that direction.

If you have the audacity to defy her instruction, perhaps because she is directing you down a muddy cow path or through a blocked detour, she notices! As you drive past where she expects you to turn, she announces, “Recalculating” and works out how to get you back on track.

What’s the choice theory connection? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Comfort, Joy, and Food

Posted on December 14, 2014 by RealityCheck

There’s a reason why some foods are called “comfort food.” Like fuzzy socks or fleecy blankets, some foods evoke feelings of being safe, cared for, and satisfied.

Whether your comfort food of choice is homemade bread, stew, or chicken pot pie, it’s remarkable that simple food can evoke such powerful feelings, isn’t it?

For some, food plays an unhealthy role as the comforter in their lives. When one gains a harmful amount of weight while losing a mountain of self-esteem with every ounce, the downside of using food as comfort can outweigh the satisfaction. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Gift of the Long View

Posted on December 7, 2014 by RealityCheck

When her credit card bill arrived last January, Jessica came face-to-face with the reality of the shopping she’d done over the previous months. She had no idea that she had spent so much!

Yet when she checked the charges, she could see they were accurate. There were some dinners out, new party clothes, Christmas gifts for her friends, family, work colleagues and acquaintances. There were some household items and some decorations that looked really nice at the time. None of the individual purchases were expensive, but it’s amazing what happens when they are added up. Wow!

Jessica concluded that she needed to make a change in her life to ensure that she would never get that kind of shock in her mail again. To get that change started, she used the four-step reality therapy approach. Simply put, she asked herself four questions: What do I want? What am I doing? How is it working? What’s my plan? Continue reading →

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