Reality Check: The Impulse to Vent

Posted on November 29, 2015 by RealityCheck

Have you ever felt that frustration has control of you? That you can’t hold back; you have to let it out somehow?

If so, how well has that “letting out” worked for you?

Venting can feel really good at the moment. There’s that delightful release of tension; stress gone! Unfortunately, that moment is often followed by less-delightful moments when you get to experience the long-term consequences of your momentary relief.

When venting happens on-line, the long-term destruction can be much greater than many realize. Too often, in the heat of the moment, folks forget that their angry comments are not just seen by close friends, but also potentially by their bosses, their teachers, their neighbours, even their mothers! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When Your Body Speaks Out

Posted on November 22, 2015 by RealityCheck

Do you listen to your body? If you’ve ever had an aching back from lifting too much, a foggy brain from sleeping too little, or an upset stomach from eating unwisely, you know there are times when the body can’t be ignored.

Occasionally, we even learn from those responses and change our behaviour!

Sometimes, it’s difficult to interpret what our body is telling us. Pam has been offered a job with more money and benefits. The move makes practical sense and her friends and family are encouraging her to take it.

Yet whenever Pam thinks about it, her body protests. Her head aches, her stomach churns, and she just feels drained. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Ups and Downs of Perception

Posted on November 15, 2015 by RealityCheck

Do you make your decisions and choose your actions based on facts and evidence? While it’s a worthwhile aspiration, it is easier said than done because along with those objective facts, we also have our perceptions.

What we perceive about ourselves and others can have a huge impact on our happiness, our success, and how we choose to interact.

Diane is happy and excited in her new job, where she is being told that she is a quick learner and is meeting or even exceeding all expectations. Through that positive feedback, Diane perceives that she is accepted, appreciated, and making great progress.

Then one day at a local restaurant, Diane heard what she thought was her name mentioned in a conversation in a nearby booth. It sounded like a couple of her coworkers, giggling and whispering. Even though she knows better, Diane strained her ears to eavesdrop. What did she hear? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Feeling Unappreciated?

Posted on November 8, 2015 by RealityCheck

Have you ever felt as if you give and give and give, yet receive little appreciation in return?

Neighbours Sara and Michelle are different: Michelle gregarious and fun-loving, Sara introspective and serious. Despite their differences, they are content as neighbours, exchanging pleasantries and helping out with small chores.

Then Michelle experienced a tragedy in her life. Despite her numerous superficial friends, for all practical purposes, Michelle was suddenly alone.

Sara knew how she would feel in that situation and stepped in to help.

As Michelle went through her crisis, Sara was with her every step of the way. She brought food, ran errands, and helped Michelle through a maze of complicated issues. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Other People’s Misery

Posted on November 1, 2015 by RealityCheck

Do you ever find yourself embracing misery that isn’t really yours?

John does. Unlike others in his extended family, John feels that he has a duty to visit and maintain connection with his great-uncle Matthew.

Far from expressing appreciation, Matthew complains. He tells John that no one visits him, even as John is sitting in his room visiting him. He complains that no one takes him anywhere while he is in the car with John, being taken somewhere. He chooses every opportunity to grumble that nobody cares.

Matthew’s behaviour isn’t new; he’s always been cantankerous. Age has not mellowed him; if anything, he’s become even crabbier. While his behaviour may not be well-considered, it is his life and his choice, and Matthew chooses “crabby.” That’s apparently what he wants.

But what about John? What does John want? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Value of Support

Posted on October 26, 2015 by RealityCheck

Last post, I told a little story about Sally and her intent to invite a roommate to share her living space. Based on your knowledge of the situation, you anticipated that this arrangement wouldn’t work well.

In other words, you believed that you knew what was best for Sally.

My suggestion was that you offer Sally information based on your experience and observations. So, without telling her what she “should” do, you offered information to help her think through her decision more thoroughly.

Despite carefully considering this information, Sally has chosen to go ahead with her plan anyway.

What do you do now? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: If I Know What’s Right for You…

Posted on October 18, 2015 by RealityCheck

Do you know what’s right for someone else? It’s easy to think that we know exactly what someone should do, think, or feel. And then, it’s easy to tell them!

Dr. William Glasser associates the “I-know-what’s-right-for-you” perspective with misery. In his book, “Choice Theory,” he says “…people feel obligated to try to force us to do what they know is right. Our choice of how we resist that force is, by far, the greatest source of human misery.”

Ouch! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Voter’s Choice

Posted on October 11, 2015 by RealityCheck

Election season continues. Far from being happy about having a say in how our country is governed, some folks are responding with frustration, confusion, and “Why bother voting?

Here are the main objections I’ve been hearing:
1. Politicians are all the same.
2. I don’t believe them.
3. I don’t like them.

While the objections are understandable, before you throw up your hands or tear up your ballot, try these perspectives. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Time to Double Down?

Posted on October 4, 2015 by RealityCheck

Not so long ago, in a place not so far away, a government with the very best intentions wanted to encourage kids to eat in a healthy way. A commendable goal. The question: how might one do this?

A program was initiated. It required that the kids include a healthy item, such as a fruit or vegetable, in their lunch choices.

The reasoning behind this requirement may have been that if kids develop a habit of eating good-for-you foods, then they will begin avoiding those readily available unhealthy foods: pop, potato chips, and deep-fried everything.

Ultimately, the children would grow up stronger, healthier, and perhaps even smarter! What could possibly go wrong? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Are we there yet?

Posted on September 27, 2015 by RealityCheck

When you go on a trip with kids (or some adults), a repetitive chorus of, “Are we there yet?” is something you may as well just expect.

If you are the driver, you may choose to find that annoying.

However, put yourself in the position of the passenger-child for a moment. They have no control over where they are, and they probably have little information about where they are or what is to come. From their point of view, it’s just one endless boring kilometer after another. When will it ever end?

We go on many journeys throughout our lives, and not all of them involve travelling. Continue reading →

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