Reality Check: Attachment to Things

Posted on January 14, 2018 by RealityCheck

Did you resolve to get more organized this year? You’re not alone. You can take control of your space, and the sales flyers that feature plastic totes and pretty boxes imply that they can help.

But whether it’s elegant bamboo bins or a bunch of cardboard boxes, empty containers seem to take on a life of their own—they instantly fill up.

That’s kind of anti-choice theory, isn’t it? Boxes don’t fill themselves. It’s not them; it’s us. Our choices fill up our lives and our spaces with things. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A Chosen New Year

Posted on January 7, 2018 by RealityCheck

You’re only one person, but I know that you play many roles. You may be a mother or a father. You may be a partner in a relationship. Each of us is, or has been, someone’s child. You may identify as a career person, a tradesperson, a caregiver, or some other kind of worker.

For some of those roles, once you have them, you have them forever. Once you’re a mom or dad, you are always a mom or dad. You can choose how much time or energy you devote to that role, but that’s part of who you are.

Other roles might seem to be fixed, but they really aren’t. For example, you might be a clerk but you could choose to be a welder. The change could be difficult; it’ll probably require a lot of work but it’s possible. To at least some degree, the work you do is a choice. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Take a Look Over Your Shoulder

Posted on December 31, 2017 by RealityCheck

Whenever a New Year approaches, we look ahead. We think about, dream about, and make resolutions about all the changes and improvements that we plan to make with our fresh start.

Before we get too carried away with all of those hopes and dreams to come, how about taking a look back?

One of the most effective Reality Therapy processes that I’ve used is self-evaluation. That’s when we look thoughtfully at what we’ve been doing and ask, “How’s that working for me? Do I want to continue what I’ve been doing? Or do I want to make some changes?”

So before you make your New Year’s resolutions, take a look over your shoulder. I’ll use some of Dr. Glasser’s basic needs as a guide for this backward glance. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Gratitude, Expectation, and Entitlement

Posted on December 24, 2017 by RealityCheck

“A whole dollar and seventy-six cents! What an insult! I should tell them to take their money and let them know right where to put it, too!”

Whether you work for an hourly wage or a salary, receive a pension or get some other type of income, you may be among the many of us who haven’t had much of a raise in a long time. And because many of the raises that do occur are tied to the cost of living, if you are so fortunate to have received an increase, the actual dollar amount may well be pretty small, indeed.

It breaks my heart a little bit when I hear someone railing about the insult of being given a tiny increase. But that sadness isn’t related to any perceived injustice or unfairness. It’s not connected to the money at all. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Pictures of Celebration

Posted on December 17, 2017 by RealityCheck

It’s the time of year when we are surrounded by pictures of celebration and joy.

There are images of beaming families who obviously love each other and probably never disagree. They sit at tables overflowing with perfectly cooked, delicious food, not a dirty dish in sight. Meanwhile, delighted children open gifts under a gloriously decorated Christmas tree. No one is disappointed. No one is in tears. Everything is perfect.

Do your celebrations work that way?

If not, you’re not alone, of course. Along with all that potential joy, there’s also the potential for significant unhappiness. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Question of Gravity

Posted on December 10, 2017 by RealityCheck

How’s gravity working for you? Yes, gravity—that force that keeps us on the surface of the earth. Do you like it?

Maybe life would be better if there was less gravity so we could gently float around. Or maybe gravity shouldn’t exist at all. It’s not right that we can’t jump as high as we want, or that it hurts if we take a tumble off the roof. Plus there’s that weight business; that’s pretty unfair.

We could find all kinds of reasons to be unhappy about gravity.

But it doesn’t matter, does it? On the face of this earth, there is gravity. Like it or lump it. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Should, Could, Would Like to

Posted on December 3, 2017 by RealityCheck

Dinah feels exhausted every morning, even before her day gets started.

Why? She has an impossibly huge list of tasks, all conveniently stored in a jumble in her head. She thinks, “I should call that customer,” “I should pick up some groceries,” “I should write that report,” “I should take the cat to the vet,” “I should respond to those emails,” “I should…” You get the drift.

A choice theory belief is that we have basic needs, and if our needs aren’t satisfied, we’re likely not satisfied, either. One of those needs is a need for freedom.

If you perceive that your life is full of shoulds, you may also perceive that freedom is in short supply. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: That Work/Life Balance

Posted on November 26, 2017 by RealityCheck

Have you ever succeeded at something that was difficult for you? I suspect that you have. So, let’s try a little thought experiment.

Look back at that time, whether it was minutes ago or years ago. What were you thinking then?

Maybe it was, “I’ll never be able to do this.” Or perhaps, “If I keep working, I will succeed!”

Now, what did you think and feel when you succeeded? When people complete difficult studies, I’ve seen relief, joy, and a newfound respect for themselves. Common sentiments are, “I never thought I could do this, but I did!” or “I can do anything now!” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Your Power Source

Posted on November 19, 2017 by RealityCheck

A young woman I’ll call Yvette signed up for math class. The first day, Yvette informed me that she can’t do a specific, very basic type of problem. Over the years, others have tried to teach her but she just can’t learn it. It’s impossible.

Now I’m not the brightest instructor in the instructional universe, but that declaration was a pretty clear indication to me that I would fare no better. I, too, would not be able to overcome Yvette’s tremendous barrier. I would not be able to teach her this bit of common knowledge. Others had failed; there was no doubt that I would go down in flames with the rest.

It was suggested to me that Yvette could have oppositional defiance disorder. But an explanation, or even a diagnosis, isn’t a solution, is it? The answer to, “How do I work with that?” was not encouraging.

Since then, I’ve developed a better understanding of Dr. Glasser’s choice theory. Human behaviours that used to puzzle me are not quite as mysterious anymore. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What does encouragement look like?

Posted on November 12, 2017 by RealityCheck

A friend for whom I have very high regard had a scheduling conflict. It looked like she’d be unable to attend a meeting I’d organized. I was disappointed.

Then, she went out of her way to rearrange her schedule so she could attend after all. I was encouraged! Why? Despite the inconvenience for her, she chose to take deliberate action to support my effort.

This sequence got me thinking about encouragement and how to encourage others. We know that encouragement is a helpful habit that builds relationships. But what does encouragement actually look like? Continue reading →

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