Reality Check: Going My Way?

Posted on March 4, 2018 by RealityCheck

Things don’t always go my way. It’s possible that things don’t always go your way, either.

Given that’s the reality, how do we deal with it? What responses are effective when we are faced with the inevitable disappointments, perceived unfairnesses, and general misfortunes that come our way?

How we respond says something about us. Children, at least in some families, demonstrate their unhappiness with crying, stomping and tantrums. Come to think of it, there could be a few adults who demonstrate similar behaviours. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Accountability of Writing it Down

Posted on February 25, 2018 by RealityCheck

At the beginning of the year, Glasser Canada made an offer to its members. If a member provided a couple of New Year’s resolutions appropriate for display on the Glasser website, they would get 10 bucks off their next purchase.

Now, I hate to pass up a bargain, whether I need it or not. So I put some thought into what I might choose for a resolution—something that matters and that I would be truly prepared to follow through. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: We can do it!

Posted on February 18, 2018 by RealityCheck

What does encouragement look like?

Think way back and picture the poster of Rosie the Riveter. That’s one picture of encouragement—Rosie’s determined face under the slogan, “We can do it!” with her sleeves rolled up and her muscles flexed.

The goal then was to inspire an entire population to dig deep; to bring all their grit and persistence to contribute to the war effort. That is, to win.

An inspirational poster may be helpful for the mass-marketing of encouragement. But when it comes to smaller-scale encouragement—when you’re just trying to help someone out—what do you actually do? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choosing your Worry Boundaries

Posted on February 11, 2018 by RealityCheck

Can we choose to worry? Can we choose not to worry?

If you identify yourself as a worrier, then the idea that you could choose not to worry probably sounds unrealistic. So let’s try this different, but related, question: Can we choose what we worry about?

How might it help to actively choose what we worry about? Because then we could also choose boundaries for our worry topics. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Rather Card

Posted on February 4, 2018 by RealityCheck

Even when you know that what you’re doing isn’t working well for you, it can still be hard to make a change. How about a helpful tip? Here’s one: the “Rather Card.”

How does it work? As it was originally intended for money management/impulse control, you cut out a piece of cardboard about the size of your debit or credit card. Put it in your wallet, in front of your bank card.

What’s on the card? Write the following sentence, filling in the blanks to reflect what’s important to you. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To be Deliberate

Posted on January 28, 2018 by RealityCheck

It’s probably the influence of advertising, but the word “mindfulness” for me conjures up the image of a lovely woman in a yoga pose. Waterfalls, peace, and harmony abound.

Being mindful—paying attention to the present moment—is a really helpful practice.

But maybe you are like me and have trouble envisioning yourself beside a waterfall wearing yoga pants. So let’s try a different word: “deliberate.”

What does it mean to be deliberate? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Come by Chance

Posted on January 21, 2018 by RealityCheck

A tool that is often suggested to help us be happier and more satisfied is the practice of gratitude. You’ve seen it recommended here and probably elsewhere, too.

It is, indeed, well and good to be grateful, count our blessings, and concentrate on what we have rather than what we don’t have.

When you are feeling down, however, it can be difficult to stir up those grateful feelings, even if you know that you’ll feel better if you do. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Attachment to Things

Posted on January 14, 2018 by RealityCheck

Did you resolve to get more organized this year? You’re not alone. You can take control of your space, and the sales flyers that feature plastic totes and pretty boxes imply that they can help.

But whether it’s elegant bamboo bins or a bunch of cardboard boxes, empty containers seem to take on a life of their own—they instantly fill up.

That’s kind of anti-choice theory, isn’t it? Boxes don’t fill themselves. It’s not them; it’s us. Our choices fill up our lives and our spaces with things. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A Chosen New Year

Posted on January 7, 2018 by RealityCheck

You’re only one person, but I know that you play many roles. You may be a mother or a father. You may be a partner in a relationship. Each of us is, or has been, someone’s child. You may identify as a career person, a tradesperson, a caregiver, or some other kind of worker.

For some of those roles, once you have them, you have them forever. Once you’re a mom or dad, you are always a mom or dad. You can choose how much time or energy you devote to that role, but that’s part of who you are.

Other roles might seem to be fixed, but they really aren’t. For example, you might be a clerk but you could choose to be a welder. The change could be difficult; it’ll probably require a lot of work but it’s possible. To at least some degree, the work you do is a choice. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Take a Look Over Your Shoulder

Posted on December 31, 2017 by RealityCheck

Whenever a New Year approaches, we look ahead. We think about, dream about, and make resolutions about all the changes and improvements that we plan to make with our fresh start.

Before we get too carried away with all of those hopes and dreams to come, how about taking a look back?

One of the most effective Reality Therapy processes that I’ve used is self-evaluation. That’s when we look thoughtfully at what we’ve been doing and ask, “How’s that working for me? Do I want to continue what I’ve been doing? Or do I want to make some changes?”

So before you make your New Year’s resolutions, take a look over your shoulder. I’ll use some of Dr. Glasser’s basic needs as a guide for this backward glance. Continue reading →

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