Reality Check: The Battle for your Beliefs

Posted on May 20, 2018 by RealityCheck

Attempts to influence and persuade us are everywhere. Advertisements are essentially attempts to influence: Buy this product! Donate to this cause! Believe these beliefs!

Personalized ads and information are particularly persuasive. For example, if I can make my company’s ad seem to address you and your situation directly and specifically, you may be more open to buying or being influenced by it than if it’s just a general appeal.

Data mining is a technique where useful information is “mined” from sets of data. For example, the grocery retailer examines my data (spending patterns) and based on what it finds, offers me points on certain products. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Perspectives and Hats

Posted on May 6, 2018 by RealityCheck

When you’re stuck on a difficult problem, it can be useful to look at it from different perspectives.

One way to get different perspectives is to gather together a team of people, each of whom has their own special expertise and most importantly, who want to help you.

Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to find that wonderful team, is it? So, here’s another possibility.

Edward de Bono developed a method called Six Thinking Hats®, which encourages people to look at a problem from six perspectives. You can use it to create a fun, effective structure to help a group come up with potential solutions. But even if you have only yourself to think with, the six perspectives can still be useful. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Experiments in Liking

Posted on April 29, 2018 by RealityCheck

Do you remember when liking referred to having an affectionate feeling toward someone? Now, for many, “liking” means clicking a mouse on a little thumbs-up sign.

Either way, liking indicates a positive emotional response. It’s a sign of approval, support, or agreement. Liking feels good.

There are lots of people, places, things, and beliefs that surround us that we don’t really notice. They’re neutral to us, at least until something about them grabs our attention.

For example, I don’t notice the tree outside my window until an unusual bird perches on it. Then I notice, and it’s a positive notice—a liking. Or, I don’t notice the road I’m driving on until I swerve to avoid a pothole. Then I do notice it, but it’s not a liking.

How much control do you think we have over whether or not we like something? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Can your Belief Change your Reality?

Posted on April 22, 2018 by RealityCheck

Many of us feel stressed. Challenges, fears, upsets, and disappointments abound. People, institutions, politicians, employers and many others don’t behave as we want them to.

A lot of those stressors are outside of our control. And even though we know that we can’t control them, we may still feel stressed by them. Plus, there’s stress from the things that we can control but just haven’t quite gotten round to controlling yet.

That’s a lot of stress.

Now, it’s common knowledge that stress is bad for us. But what if that common knowledge isn’t correct? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Finding the Joy

Posted on April 15, 2018 by RealityCheck

There is a woodchuck in my life. He lives close enough so I see him when he emerges from his den to sprawl on his rock in the sun. He’s far enough away, and much too wary of me, to become a pest.

I’ve been observing him off and on for a couple of decades now. I call him Willie.

Yes, I know it’s not the same woodchuck that I first saw twenty years ago. Some years, Willie has the grey muzzle of maturity. Others, he’s a sleek, fresh-faced youngster – that’s Junior. Occasionally, there are offspring, indicating that it wasn’t Willie at all, but Wilhelmina. Sadly, some years, there’s no woodchuck at all. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choices in Caring

Posted on April 8, 2018 by RealityCheck

Caring, loving, supporting, and encouraging are wonderful, positive behaviours. When we genuinely care for each other, we can improve our relationships and satisfy our need for love and belonging.

As we can only control ourselves, it’s helpful to offer our care/love/support without the expectation that others will return the favour. Does he care for me as much as I care for him? Does she love me as much as I love her? Although it’s tempting, keeping score probably won’t make a positive contribution to the relationship. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The paradoxical freedom of structure

Posted on April 1, 2018 by RealityCheck

If you’re like a lot of us, you don’t appreciate it when someone tells you what you should do. Some of us take that distaste for being “told” even further. We’ll keep our options open, even to the point where we resist telling ourselves what we need to do.

The need for freedom is one of the basic needs that Dr. Glasser identified as common to all of us. The strengths of our needs can vary. But Glasser asserts that a satisfied life requires that we satisfy those needs.

What would an unsatisfied need for freedom look like? Picture this: you’ve been looking forward to having this weekend free to go fishing. Your spouse has just “suggested” that you need to paint the guest room so your mother-in-law can visit. Bam! Did you feel that pain? That’s the pain of an unsatisfied need for freedom. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Doing our Best

Posted on March 25, 2018 by RealityCheck

What does it mean to do our best?

As I’m far from perfect, I know that the best that I can do in a given situation isn’t necessarily the best that could be done.

If “doing our best” doesn’t mean achieving perfection, then how would we assess what our best is? What do we mean when we say, “Well, at least I did my best”? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Influencers, Helpers, and Heroes

Posted on March 18, 2018 by RealityCheck

We may never know the effect of extending a small kindness. In fact, we could perform a genuinely heroic act and never learn the result. We may not even know whether anyone noticed.

Being helpful and kind is more satisfying if we choose to do it because we know it’s the right thing to do (which is under our control) rather than acting for honours or applause from others (over which we have no control.)

What “helps” are truly helpful? To answer that, it’s useful to examine the kindnesses and help we’ve received from others. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Value of Lobster

Posted on March 11, 2018 by RealityCheck

The lobster fishery has been a way of life for generations of families along the South Shore. It’s literally put food on lots of tables.

As I don’t come from fishing folk, I wasn’t aware of how the perception of the value of lobster has changed. Lobster hasn’t always been considered a treat; far from it.

Generations ago, apparently it was embarrassing for a kid to bring lobster to school for lunch. A lobster sandwich conveyed the message, “We can’t afford to buy filling for our sandwiches; we have to eat lobster.” Continue reading →

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