Reality Check: I Am Only…

Posted on June 20, 2018 by RealityCheck

When I dashed into the grocery store to pick up coffee that was on sale, I fully expected to find none on the shelf. Surprise! The shelf was full. There was even a sign that showed the correct sale price!

Nowhere could I see anything to indicate a limit on how many I could buy. As it was such a great deal, I wanted to get as many as allowed. I figured that might be 4, so I picked up 4 bottles and went off to the cash.

The cashier was friendly and cheerful, so as I handed over my bottles, I told her that I had assumed that 4 was the limit. She told me that there was no limit this week; I could get more if I wanted them.

Her next question really caught my attention. She laughed and asked, “Are you limiting yourself, honey?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Benefit of the Doubt

Posted on June 3, 2018 by RealityCheck

We never really know what’s going on inside someone else’s head, do we? Even among the people closest to us—our friends and family—we can have misunderstandings.

For example, your friend says something you perceive to be offensive; later you realize it was intended to be a joke. You might perceive that your parent snapped at you, yet they weren’t even aware that their words came out harshly. Or you perceive that your spouse ignored you; then realize that you simply hadn’t been heard.

These sorts of misunderstandings are unfortunate. When we take action based on misunderstandings, our relationships can suffer real damage. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Onward!

Posted on May 27, 2018 by RealityCheck

Are you familiar with the joy that comes from knowing that you are making progress? I hope so. Because the satisfaction that comes with knowing that you are headed in the right direction is a powerful, motivating feeling.

Life can be discouraging. The world has troubles, and we, as individuals, have troubles. Plenty of those troubles are out of our control and as such, they are not going to respond to attempts by us to fix them.

In light of that reality, how can we maintain a perspective that enables us to carry on, doing the very best that we can?

Dr. Glasser, in his identification of basic human needs, suggested that one universal need is the need for power. Because the word “power” has so many connotations, I think that his assertion is sometimes misunderstood. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Battle for your Beliefs

Posted on May 20, 2018 by RealityCheck

Attempts to influence and persuade us are everywhere. Advertisements are essentially attempts to influence: Buy this product! Donate to this cause! Believe these beliefs!

Personalized ads and information are particularly persuasive. For example, if I can make my company’s ad seem to address you and your situation directly and specifically, you may be more open to buying or being influenced by it than if it’s just a general appeal.

Data mining is a technique where useful information is “mined” from sets of data. For example, the grocery retailer examines my data (spending patterns) and based on what it finds, offers me points on certain products. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Perspectives and Hats

Posted on May 6, 2018 by RealityCheck

When you’re stuck on a difficult problem, it can be useful to look at it from different perspectives.

One way to get different perspectives is to gather together a team of people, each of whom has their own special expertise and most importantly, who want to help you.

Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to find that wonderful team, is it? So, here’s another possibility.

Edward de Bono developed a method called Six Thinking Hats®, which encourages people to look at a problem from six perspectives. You can use it to create a fun, effective structure to help a group come up with potential solutions. But even if you have only yourself to think with, the six perspectives can still be useful. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Experiments in Liking

Posted on April 29, 2018 by RealityCheck

Do you remember when liking referred to having an affectionate feeling toward someone? Now, for many, “liking” means clicking a mouse on a little thumbs-up sign.

Either way, liking indicates a positive emotional response. It’s a sign of approval, support, or agreement. Liking feels good.

There are lots of people, places, things, and beliefs that surround us that we don’t really notice. They’re neutral to us, at least until something about them grabs our attention.

For example, I don’t notice the tree outside my window until an unusual bird perches on it. Then I notice, and it’s a positive notice—a liking. Or, I don’t notice the road I’m driving on until I swerve to avoid a pothole. Then I do notice it, but it’s not a liking.

How much control do you think we have over whether or not we like something? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Can your Belief Change your Reality?

Posted on April 22, 2018 by RealityCheck

Many of us feel stressed. Challenges, fears, upsets, and disappointments abound. People, institutions, politicians, employers and many others don’t behave as we want them to.

A lot of those stressors are outside of our control. And even though we know that we can’t control them, we may still feel stressed by them. Plus, there’s stress from the things that we can control but just haven’t quite gotten round to controlling yet.

That’s a lot of stress.

Now, it’s common knowledge that stress is bad for us. But what if that common knowledge isn’t correct? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Finding the Joy

Posted on April 15, 2018 by RealityCheck

There is a woodchuck in my life. He lives close enough so I see him when he emerges from his den to sprawl on his rock in the sun. He’s far enough away, and much too wary of me, to become a pest.

I’ve been observing him off and on for a couple of decades now. I call him Willie.

Yes, I know it’s not the same woodchuck that I first saw twenty years ago. Some years, Willie has the grey muzzle of maturity. Others, he’s a sleek, fresh-faced youngster – that’s Junior. Occasionally, there are offspring, indicating that it wasn’t Willie at all, but Wilhelmina. Sadly, some years, there’s no woodchuck at all. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choices in Caring

Posted on April 8, 2018 by RealityCheck

Caring, loving, supporting, and encouraging are wonderful, positive behaviours. When we genuinely care for each other, we can improve our relationships and satisfy our need for love and belonging.

As we can only control ourselves, it’s helpful to offer our care/love/support without the expectation that others will return the favour. Does he care for me as much as I care for him? Does she love me as much as I love her? Although it’s tempting, keeping score probably won’t make a positive contribution to the relationship. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The paradoxical freedom of structure

Posted on April 1, 2018 by RealityCheck

If you’re like a lot of us, you don’t appreciate it when someone tells you what you should do. Some of us take that distaste for being “told” even further. We’ll keep our options open, even to the point where we resist telling ourselves what we need to do.

The need for freedom is one of the basic needs that Dr. Glasser identified as common to all of us. The strengths of our needs can vary. But Glasser asserts that a satisfied life requires that we satisfy those needs.

What would an unsatisfied need for freedom look like? Picture this: you’ve been looking forward to having this weekend free to go fishing. Your spouse has just “suggested” that you need to paint the guest room so your mother-in-law can visit. Bam! Did you feel that pain? That’s the pain of an unsatisfied need for freedom. Continue reading →

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