Reality Check: The Stories of our Scars

Posted on July 30, 2018 by RealityCheck

If you’ve spent much time at all on this earth, you probably have a few scars to show for it.

Some people view their scars as embarrassing. They agonize over them, and buy not-so-magical potions in efforts to get rid of them. They dress strategically and carefully apply makeup so they’ll appear to be scar-free.

As an adult, Kelli is still sensitive about the acne scars that developed during her youth. Whenever she meets anyone new, she comes away with the perception that her facial scars have created a negative first impression.

Kelli has spent considerable money on products that promise to rid her of this scourge. She’s also undergone painful procedures, and she’s become a master of skillful makeup application. Still, when she looks in the mirror, all she can see are her scars. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Our Own Reflections

Posted on July 22, 2018 by RealityCheck

After he’d spent half an hour digging in the lawn and dining on bugs and worms, the young raccoon came prancing up to the patio door. Whoa! What was that?

He stopped short; backed away. Tilted his head. Backed up a little further. Arched his back. Advanced. Retreated. Advanced again, more aggressively this time. Retreated. Puffed up a little bigger.

On he continued with his dance, becoming more and more agitated with each movement. What was he doing? Trying to intimidate the threat that was right in front of his face, plain to see. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Would you call your money names?

Posted on July 15, 2018 by RealityCheck

Do you make your decisions based on solid information, i.e. the facts? I’d like to think that I do, but honestly, I know that’s not always the case. My perspective on whatever it is that I’m trying to decide has an influence too.

I think that many of the choices we make and the actions we take depend on how we look at things. If we choose a different perspective, then we might also choose more effective actions.

So, I’m always on the lookout for different ways of looking at issues that are common to many of us. One set of problems that comes up for many people is associated with money. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Relaxation and Everyday Anxiety

Posted on July 8, 2018 by RealityCheck

Last time, I mentioned that Dr. Martin Seligman has a couple of suggestions to lower everyday anxiety levels. One is progressive relaxation, also known as progressive muscle relaxation.

This technique is hardly new; apparently first described nearly a hundred years ago. It’s based on a premise that mental calmness is a result of physical relaxation. That’s consistent with Dr. Glasser’s idea of total behaviour—what we do can change how we think, feel, and ultimately, our physiological responses.

If you’ve ever had trouble falling asleep, you may have already tried progressive relaxation. But in case you hadn’t heard of it, here’s a brief summary of information from Anxiety BC. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Loose Ends and Everyday Anxiety

Posted on July 1, 2018 by RealityCheck

Curious things can happen if we detach ourselves from technology for a while. I call that time “vacation,” an opportunity to notice things I might not pay attention to otherwise.

Knowing I’ll have no electronics, internet, or email to entertain and distract me, I plan ahead with reading material. One of my choices was by Dr. Martin Seligman, who is well known for his work in positive psychology.

This book was written 25 years ago, but I could hardly pass up a title as intriguing as, “What You Can Change… and What You Can’t: The Complete Guide to Successful Self-Improvement.” I haven’t quite finished it, so I still have a ways to go in the self-improvement process.

Seligman looks at various areas where we often try to make changes, including emotional (anxiety, depression, anger) and habits (sex, dieting, alcohol). Some things we can change; others we can’t. The goal is to help us see which is which. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Lost for Words?

Posted on June 24, 2018 by RealityCheck

Do you know the “scolded puppy” feeling? If not, picture this: You’re in a conversation, and you perceive that you’re being criticized and misunderstood. Your opponent is using clever words and making excellent points. You have no response.

So you slink away, like a scolded puppy.

And then…10 minutes, 10 hours, or 10 days later, bam! You think of the perfect response! Too bad. It’s too late now.

Why, oh why, can’t I think of those perfect responses when I need them? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Love, Practically Speaking

Posted on June 24, 2018 by RealityCheck

Different people want different things. It’s a good thing too, isn’t it? Otherwise, we’d all want the same house, the same job, the same cat, and…the same mate.

Clearly, we don’t all want the same mate, but many of us do want to have one “special person” in our lives.

Dr. Glasser’s choice theory specifies love and belonging as a basic need, and a strong pair bond can go a long way toward satisfying that need. The theme of “you and me against the world” is common in poetry, music, and literature. When we’re sad, confused, and perceive that the world is treating us badly, it helps to know that someone sees us as “number 1.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: I Am Only…

Posted on June 20, 2018 by RealityCheck

When I dashed into the grocery store to pick up coffee that was on sale, I fully expected to find none on the shelf. Surprise! The shelf was full. There was even a sign that showed the correct sale price!

Nowhere could I see anything to indicate a limit on how many I could buy. As it was such a great deal, I wanted to get as many as allowed. I figured that might be 4, so I picked up 4 bottles and went off to the cash.

The cashier was friendly and cheerful, so as I handed over my bottles, I told her that I had assumed that 4 was the limit. She told me that there was no limit this week; I could get more if I wanted them.

Her next question really caught my attention. She laughed and asked, “Are you limiting yourself, honey?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Benefit of the Doubt

Posted on June 3, 2018 by RealityCheck

We never really know what’s going on inside someone else’s head, do we? Even among the people closest to us—our friends and family—we can have misunderstandings.

For example, your friend says something you perceive to be offensive; later you realize it was intended to be a joke. You might perceive that your parent snapped at you, yet they weren’t even aware that their words came out harshly. Or you perceive that your spouse ignored you; then realize that you simply hadn’t been heard.

These sorts of misunderstandings are unfortunate. When we take action based on misunderstandings, our relationships can suffer real damage. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Onward!

Posted on May 27, 2018 by RealityCheck

Are you familiar with the joy that comes from knowing that you are making progress? I hope so. Because the satisfaction that comes with knowing that you are headed in the right direction is a powerful, motivating feeling.

Life can be discouraging. The world has troubles, and we, as individuals, have troubles. Plenty of those troubles are out of our control and as such, they are not going to respond to attempts by us to fix them.

In light of that reality, how can we maintain a perspective that enables us to carry on, doing the very best that we can?

Dr. Glasser, in his identification of basic human needs, suggested that one universal need is the need for power. Because the word “power” has so many connotations, I think that his assertion is sometimes misunderstood. Continue reading →

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