Reality Check: Guilt, Conscience, and Manipulation

Posted on August 20, 2018 by RealityCheck

Many people are guided by conscience when they choose their actions. Conscience can motivate us to reach out and offer support, which can be relationship building and benefit both the giver and the receiver.

Support can take many forms: emotional, physical, even financial. It’s satisfying to be able to support someone or something you care about. And, the support can provide real value for the recipient.

Many people have grateful stories about someone who first believed in them, gave them an opportunity, or provided help when they were down and out. But it doesn’t always work that way. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Indecision, Imperfection, and Kale

Posted on August 13, 2018 by RealityCheck

My plan this year was to plant a nice bed of kale. I envisioned a continuous supply of fresh kale for lovely, nutritious salads.

Buying the kale seeds was easy.

But I couldn’t decide where to plant them. It was either too rocky, too clayey, too weedy or too far away. Sadly, I just couldn’t find that Goldilocks place of “just right.”

So the kale seed packages, with their inviting pictures of curly purple leaves, sat on the counter. A few days ago, I finally put them away in the seed box for next year. It’s too late. No kale for me.

This sad little episode could be perceived as a failure.

I’m going with that. Sometimes we fail.

What have I gained from this failure? It’s reminded me, again, of the cost that can come from dithering. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Your Discouragement Antidote Kit

Posted on August 5, 2018 by RealityCheck

Does discouragement have a colour? If so, is it grey? How about discouraging weather? Rain, perhaps?

When discouraged, does it seem like there’s a rainy, grey, discouraged filter over everything?

For example, let’s say we feel happy and in control. The cat throws up on the rug. What do we do? Take it in stride. We love the cat; cleaning up only takes a few seconds. We handle it and move on. No big deal.

But what if we are discouraged? That little pile of unpleasantness can take on a ridiculous importance. It’s one more piece of evidence that the universe is conspiring against us. Just one thing after another, and it’s all bad.

Discouragement is not a joyful state, for you or for the people around you. If we know that we have a tendency to slip into discouragement, what might we do? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Stories of our Scars

Posted on July 30, 2018 by RealityCheck

If you’ve spent much time at all on this earth, you probably have a few scars to show for it.

Some people view their scars as embarrassing. They agonize over them, and buy not-so-magical potions in efforts to get rid of them. They dress strategically and carefully apply makeup so they’ll appear to be scar-free.

As an adult, Kelli is still sensitive about the acne scars that developed during her youth. Whenever she meets anyone new, she comes away with the perception that her facial scars have created a negative first impression.

Kelli has spent considerable money on products that promise to rid her of this scourge. She’s also undergone painful procedures, and she’s become a master of skillful makeup application. Still, when she looks in the mirror, all she can see are her scars. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Our Own Reflections

Posted on July 22, 2018 by RealityCheck

After he’d spent half an hour digging in the lawn and dining on bugs and worms, the young raccoon came prancing up to the patio door. Whoa! What was that?

He stopped short; backed away. Tilted his head. Backed up a little further. Arched his back. Advanced. Retreated. Advanced again, more aggressively this time. Retreated. Puffed up a little bigger.

On he continued with his dance, becoming more and more agitated with each movement. What was he doing? Trying to intimidate the threat that was right in front of his face, plain to see. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Would you call your money names?

Posted on July 15, 2018 by RealityCheck

Do you make your decisions based on solid information, i.e. the facts? I’d like to think that I do, but honestly, I know that’s not always the case. My perspective on whatever it is that I’m trying to decide has an influence too.

I think that many of the choices we make and the actions we take depend on how we look at things. If we choose a different perspective, then we might also choose more effective actions.

So, I’m always on the lookout for different ways of looking at issues that are common to many of us. One set of problems that comes up for many people is associated with money. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Relaxation and Everyday Anxiety

Posted on July 8, 2018 by RealityCheck

Last time, I mentioned that Dr. Martin Seligman has a couple of suggestions to lower everyday anxiety levels. One is progressive relaxation, also known as progressive muscle relaxation.

This technique is hardly new; apparently first described nearly a hundred years ago. It’s based on a premise that mental calmness is a result of physical relaxation. That’s consistent with Dr. Glasser’s idea of total behaviour—what we do can change how we think, feel, and ultimately, our physiological responses.

If you’ve ever had trouble falling asleep, you may have already tried progressive relaxation. But in case you hadn’t heard of it, here’s a brief summary of information from Anxiety BC. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Loose Ends and Everyday Anxiety

Posted on July 1, 2018 by RealityCheck

Curious things can happen if we detach ourselves from technology for a while. I call that time “vacation,” an opportunity to notice things I might not pay attention to otherwise.

Knowing I’ll have no electronics, internet, or email to entertain and distract me, I plan ahead with reading material. One of my choices was by Dr. Martin Seligman, who is well known for his work in positive psychology.

This book was written 25 years ago, but I could hardly pass up a title as intriguing as, “What You Can Change… and What You Can’t: The Complete Guide to Successful Self-Improvement.” I haven’t quite finished it, so I still have a ways to go in the self-improvement process.

Seligman looks at various areas where we often try to make changes, including emotional (anxiety, depression, anger) and habits (sex, dieting, alcohol). Some things we can change; others we can’t. The goal is to help us see which is which. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Lost for Words?

Posted on June 24, 2018 by RealityCheck

Do you know the “scolded puppy” feeling? If not, picture this: You’re in a conversation, and you perceive that you’re being criticized and misunderstood. Your opponent is using clever words and making excellent points. You have no response.

So you slink away, like a scolded puppy.

And then…10 minutes, 10 hours, or 10 days later, bam! You think of the perfect response! Too bad. It’s too late now.

Why, oh why, can’t I think of those perfect responses when I need them? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Love, Practically Speaking

Posted on June 24, 2018 by RealityCheck

Different people want different things. It’s a good thing too, isn’t it? Otherwise, we’d all want the same house, the same job, the same cat, and…the same mate.

Clearly, we don’t all want the same mate, but many of us do want to have one “special person” in our lives.

Dr. Glasser’s choice theory specifies love and belonging as a basic need, and a strong pair bond can go a long way toward satisfying that need. The theme of “you and me against the world” is common in poetry, music, and literature. When we’re sad, confused, and perceive that the world is treating us badly, it helps to know that someone sees us as “number 1.” Continue reading →

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