Reality Check: What we choose to want

Posted on October 28, 2018 by RealityCheck

We do a lot of comparing, don’t we? In Choice Theory, Dr. Glasser even talks about a “comparing place” in our brains. He uses the image of a balance scale; on one side sits what we want and on the other side is what we perceive that we have.

When those two sides are balanced, we’re pretty satisfied. If not balanced, that is, if we perceive that we don’t have what we want, then we’re not satisfied and it’s hard to be happy.

Where does choice come in? Well, we can choose what we want. We also have some choice in what we have, or at least, in how we perceive what we have.

Let’s take a look at Mitch, whose scale has gone from being balanced to unbalanced. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Disillusioned Learner

Posted on October 22, 2018 by RealityCheck

Barb tried gardening last year for the first time. It was awesome! Barb was ecstatic with her beautiful tomatoes and huge cucumbers. Her marigolds flowered and her sunflowers were so very sunny.

Barb was hooked. All winter, she said, “I don’t know why people think gardening is difficult. It’s not!”

Bolstered by success, Barb went bigger this year. She bought more seeds and bigger plants. Visions of roses and petunias danced in her head, alongside bountiful baskets of corn and beans and peas.

However, a few things didn’t go well. You might remember the frost and the dry spell and the deluges of rain. Blossoms froze, seeds rotted, rows washed out. The bugs, which last year had been caught flat-footed, paid much closer attention this year. It was a disaster. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Minute of Kindness

Posted on October 14, 2018 by RealityCheck

One of the email addresses that I’m responsible for is similar to that of an organization far, far away. So, sometimes I receive email that was intended for someone else.

Occasionally, it’s obvious that a message is important to the sender. Messages concerning resumes, grant proposals, scheduling, payments, confirmations; those are all issues that could really matter in the life of the person sending the email.

When I receive a message in error, I have two choices. I can ignore it, or I can respond to it. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Fear and the Unknown

Posted on October 7, 2018 by RealityCheck

If you’ve ever had a serious medical issue, then it’s safe to say you have experienced fear. That fear may be about unknowns: How will this turn out? Will I be ok?

When I was catching up with Sara some months ago, she wasn’t her usual self. She looked tired and drained. Turns out that she had developed a painful condition.

Yet Sara’s biggest concern wasn’t her current pain; it was fear of future unknowns. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Same Reality, Different Perspectives

Posted on September 30, 2018 by RealityCheck

Within my circle of friends and acquaintances, I hear more and more folks say, “I don’t listen to the news anymore.”

Considering that we live in a time when news from all over is readily available, the decision to tune it out completely is an interesting choice.

My choice is different. I seek out news with different points of view. Granted, I have my own biases and opinions, so I tend to believe one side more readily than another. But it’s still interesting to see how various sources take quite different perspectives.

Recently, for example, I noticed interesting differences about hurricane coverage. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When Fairness Holds Us Back

Posted on September 23, 2018 by RealityCheck

The mother-daughter conflict story told in Choice Theory by Dr. Glasser that I’ve been referring to has one more interesting dimension that some of us might find troubling.

Briefly, the story goes like this: Mom works all day and is angry that the daughter doesn’t help out in the home. There’s yelling and sulking and unhappiness.

Glasser’s suggestion was for mom to try a short experiment, during which she treats her daughter as if she were a valued customer.

If your definition of a customer is limited to someone who buys things, this may sound ridiculous to you. Of course, the daughter is not a customer in a traditional sense. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Available Choices

Posted on September 17, 2018 by RealityCheck

Are you ever in a situation where you have no good choices? It’s especially difficult if you can picture the perfect choice. You wish that option was available; you might even mislead yourself into believing it exists, when in fact, it doesn’t.

When we cling to the idea that there should be a perfect option, we can hold ourselves back from recognizing the “not-great-but better-than-nothing” options that do exist.

As an example, let’s take another look at a mom-daughter situation described by Dr. Glasser in “Choice Theory.”

To recap, a relationship that had once been good is now awful, primarily because mom perceives that the daughter is not pitching in. Mom responds with anger when she comes home to find a mess.

Glasser’s suggestion to mom is to try an experiment. Stop the yelling and the blaming. Have pleasant conversations, nurture the relationship, make the dinner, do the cleanup herself. See what happens. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What would you choose?

Posted on September 17, 2018 by RealityCheck

A story told by Dr. Glasser in Choice Theory describes a mother-daughter relationship that had once been good but has now turned sour.

Mom works all day. She comes home; her teenage daughter is lazing around watching TV. The kitchen is a mess. Mom yells. Daughter sulks. Mom gets headache. No one is happy. We can all understand the emotions.

There will be few pleasantries or shared confidences in a relationship where the interaction starts with mom yelling the moment she’s in the door.

Glasser’s approach is to look at what we can and can’t control. While mom can control what she does, ultimately, she can’t control her daughter’s actions. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Can you do this?

Posted on September 2, 2018 by RealityCheck

Do you consider yourself highly motivated? Does your motivation come naturally to you, or do you have to work at it?

For some of us, motivation seems to require an occasional kick in the pants, so to speak, to keep it fresh and inspired. I know that’s not just me either, or there wouldn’t be an over-abundance of motivational speakers, videos, seminars, coaches and books.

Many of those books are on my shelf. Sometimes I even read them. Reading motivational books can be an especially effective technique for avoiding work. So I’m quite familiar with the challenges that come with motivation and the lack thereof.

Among those motivational authors is Dan Pink, who has also created a collection of two-minute videos that he calls pinkcasts. One recent video looks at an approach to motivation through self-talk. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Love, Clarified and Committed

Posted on August 26, 2018 by RealityCheck

Recently I was gifted with a book entitled, “What is this thing called Love?” Written by Dr. Glasser and his wife Carleen, the book has a clear purpose. It’s for women who have been told, “I love you,” but who recognize that the love in the relationship isn’t working somehow.

The story is of a single woman in a relationship with a partner who tells her, “I love you.” But he’s not ready to marry her. Not yet. Maybe later. Almost certainly later. Just not right now.

This leads her to examine the question: What is love? What does it actually mean when we say, “I love you?” Continue reading →

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