Reality Check: Feelings for the Future

Posted on December 16, 2018 by RealityCheck

Imagine the future. Maybe your daydreams are happy ones—winning the lottery, lazing on sandy beaches surrounded by loving friends and family. It’s a future with happiness, health, and good will.

Or perhaps the future that springs to mind is filled with worrying scenarios and “What if” questions. What if my child gets sick? What if my spouse leaves? What if I lose my job? What if I run out of money?

Or maybe your imagined future conjures up depressing, downcast feelings of, “I’ll be miserable. Nobody will love me. Things will turn out badly.”

If you spend a lot of time imagining a miserable future, then you might wish you could stop doing that. Not easy though, is it? Even when we know that a practice is not helpful, it’s still hard to change. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Cards of Connection

Posted on December 9, 2018 by RealityCheck

My grandmother used to send out Christmas cards. Not just a few cards; it must have been hundreds. Well, maybe “hundreds” is an exaggerated memory, but I clearly recollect the lengthy list of names in the little notebook that emerged every year around this time.

Sending Christmas cards was a time-consuming process because she included handwritten notes in many of those cards. This Christmas note was the only contact that she had with some people, so she used it as a chance to catch up on family news as well as send Christmas greetings.

As I was texting a quick “Happy Anniversary” message to a friend the other day, it struck me that my texted greeting didn’t carry with it quite the same feeling as a traditional card. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choosing Happiness from your Money

Posted on December 3, 2018 by RealityCheck

There are many more important things than money: health, family, relationships, personal growth, just to name a few.

Money isn’t even mentioned in the choice theory list of five basic needs: security/survival, love/belonging, power, freedom, and fun. However, while money doesn’t buy happiness, money certainly helps.

For example, if you don’t have the money to satisfy your basic security/survival needs, then even a little more money can make a huge difference. It’s also easier to find ways to satisfy our other basic needs when we have some discretionary funds. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Big Pile-On

Posted on November 25, 2018 by RealityCheck

You may have noticed that when one thing goes badly, other things seem to go badly at the same time. The car breaks down, then the dog gets sick, and then your workplace explodes with new emergencies that apparently only you can deal with.

Why does everything pile on at once?

There’s no definitive answer that I can offer, but I can make a few suggestions for you. Maybe they’ll help. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Setting the Tone

Posted on November 18, 2018 by RealityCheck

The other day, we were reminiscing about Barry. If Barry asked you to do something, you would do it, even if it was inconvenient. Barry is just the kind of guy that you want to help out.

As we were trying to pinpoint what it is about Barry that makes him so special, I thought back to my very first meeting with him.

It was a business meeting where I had a goal to gather specific information. Because I appreciate efficiency and don’t want to waste anyone’s time, I planned ahead and had my list of questions ready. I estimated that it would take about 15 minutes to get the information that I needed from Barry.

So when I sat down at Barry’s desk, I flipped open my folder and was all ready to go. I knew he’s a busy man, so I wanted to let him know that I respected his time and appreciated his willingness to make time for me.

But the meeting didn’t proceed quite as I expected. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Greater Expectations

Posted on November 12, 2018 by RealityCheck

I’d caught the tail end of a conversation about math scores and a possible connection with the practice of moving students along in grade level regardless of whether they’ve mastered skills.

It’s possible that I misunderstood. I’m sure what I heard was out of context. But if that’s the practice, then I chose to be sad about it. Why?

I’m sad about the math—never to be learned—and the missed opportunity for students to experience the joy that comes with mastery. I’m also sad about the struggle, failure, and loss of confidence that follows when one is plunged into more advanced tasks when ill-equipped with the basics. And of course, there are the career opportunities, now blocked, for those students.

You may know someone like Lee, who could be age 7 or 17. Lee lost his/her mathematical way somewhere along the line. Lee’s been moved along, in step with classmates and now is just putting in time. Sometimes, Lee acts out from boredom and frustration. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Your Menu Choices

Posted on November 4, 2018 by RealityCheck

If you want something to grow, it’s generally a good idea to feed it. Don’t want more? Then don’t feed it. That reasoning seems to hold true for the waistline; what if we apply it to emotions?

Noreen looks back on her teenage years as having been full of difficulty and injustice. The people that she believes should have cared for her instead put her down while favouring others. She felt both ignored and tormented. Life was hard.

Noreen’s fortunes changed as she grew up. She developed relationships with people who truly care for her. Through those relationships and her own persistence, Noreen now has a good life by many standards.

Yet, Noreen can’t seem to enjoy this good life. Rather than feeling happy, she’s angry, sliding into old resentments. She ruminates on her mistreatment, going over and over incidents when others were favoured over her. The injustice eats at her. It seems so wrong. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What we choose to want

Posted on October 28, 2018 by RealityCheck

We do a lot of comparing, don’t we? In Choice Theory, Dr. Glasser even talks about a “comparing place” in our brains. He uses the image of a balance scale; on one side sits what we want and on the other side is what we perceive that we have.

When those two sides are balanced, we’re pretty satisfied. If not balanced, that is, if we perceive that we don’t have what we want, then we’re not satisfied and it’s hard to be happy.

Where does choice come in? Well, we can choose what we want. We also have some choice in what we have, or at least, in how we perceive what we have.

Let’s take a look at Mitch, whose scale has gone from being balanced to unbalanced. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Disillusioned Learner

Posted on October 22, 2018 by RealityCheck

Barb tried gardening last year for the first time. It was awesome! Barb was ecstatic with her beautiful tomatoes and huge cucumbers. Her marigolds flowered and her sunflowers were so very sunny.

Barb was hooked. All winter, she said, “I don’t know why people think gardening is difficult. It’s not!”

Bolstered by success, Barb went bigger this year. She bought more seeds and bigger plants. Visions of roses and petunias danced in her head, alongside bountiful baskets of corn and beans and peas.

However, a few things didn’t go well. You might remember the frost and the dry spell and the deluges of rain. Blossoms froze, seeds rotted, rows washed out. The bugs, which last year had been caught flat-footed, paid much closer attention this year. It was a disaster. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Minute of Kindness

Posted on October 14, 2018 by RealityCheck

One of the email addresses that I’m responsible for is similar to that of an organization far, far away. So, sometimes I receive email that was intended for someone else.

Occasionally, it’s obvious that a message is important to the sender. Messages concerning resumes, grant proposals, scheduling, payments, confirmations; those are all issues that could really matter in the life of the person sending the email.

When I receive a message in error, I have two choices. I can ignore it, or I can respond to it. Continue reading →

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