Reality Check: Choosing Hope

Posted on January 6, 2019 by RealityCheck

Catastrophizing. It’s a dramatic word, isn’t it?
When we look ahead, whether it’s to a new year or just an ordinary new day, we can look with a perspective that’s filled with hope for the promise of things to come. Or we can look with an eye to all the terrible things that just might happen.
In Choice Theory, Dr. Glasser promotes the use of active language. For example, rather than, “I’m anxious,” he’d suggest “I’m anxietying.” Or rather than, “I’m angry” it would be, “I’m angering.”
The purpose of these odd-sounding words is to reinforce to us that we are not necessarily passive victims of feelings over which we have no control. If it is within our control to choose “anxietying” for example, then it follows that it is also within our control to choose something else—something that could be more effective for our lives. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Look Back, What Do You See?

Posted on December 28, 2018 by RealityCheck

As we approach the end of another year, many of us like to take stock. Part of taking stock involves looking back over the past year or over many past years, to assess where we’ve been and where we are now.
When we look back, what do we see? Have we been gifted with good times? Or bad? Have our relationships improved? Or deteriorated? Have we lost or have we gained? Are we making progress or regressing?
Tied in with all of those assessments is this interesting question: How much control do we have over what has happened, anyway? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Gift of Recognition

Posted on December 22, 2018 by RealityCheck

When you flip through the flyers, watch TV, or even read a newspaper at this time of year, you’ll see gift suggestions. There’s lots of opportunity to show that you care by buying something.

As I was pondering gift-shopping, some recent conversations about “stuff” also came to mind. Many of us who have accumulated years of life have also accumulated years of stuff.

That stuff had value when we acquired it—either sentimental or monetary. Some stuff may have come into our lives during times of little money, giving it an even higher perceived value.

Times change. Tastes change. And along comes a recognition by many that we don’t need or want more stuff. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Feelings for the Future

Posted on December 16, 2018 by RealityCheck

Imagine the future. Maybe your daydreams are happy ones—winning the lottery, lazing on sandy beaches surrounded by loving friends and family. It’s a future with happiness, health, and good will.

Or perhaps the future that springs to mind is filled with worrying scenarios and “What if” questions. What if my child gets sick? What if my spouse leaves? What if I lose my job? What if I run out of money?

Or maybe your imagined future conjures up depressing, downcast feelings of, “I’ll be miserable. Nobody will love me. Things will turn out badly.”

If you spend a lot of time imagining a miserable future, then you might wish you could stop doing that. Not easy though, is it? Even when we know that a practice is not helpful, it’s still hard to change. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Cards of Connection

Posted on December 9, 2018 by RealityCheck

My grandmother used to send out Christmas cards. Not just a few cards; it must have been hundreds. Well, maybe “hundreds” is an exaggerated memory, but I clearly recollect the lengthy list of names in the little notebook that emerged every year around this time.

Sending Christmas cards was a time-consuming process because she included handwritten notes in many of those cards. This Christmas note was the only contact that she had with some people, so she used it as a chance to catch up on family news as well as send Christmas greetings.

As I was texting a quick “Happy Anniversary” message to a friend the other day, it struck me that my texted greeting didn’t carry with it quite the same feeling as a traditional card. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choosing Happiness from your Money

Posted on December 3, 2018 by RealityCheck

There are many more important things than money: health, family, relationships, personal growth, just to name a few.

Money isn’t even mentioned in the choice theory list of five basic needs: security/survival, love/belonging, power, freedom, and fun. However, while money doesn’t buy happiness, money certainly helps.

For example, if you don’t have the money to satisfy your basic security/survival needs, then even a little more money can make a huge difference. It’s also easier to find ways to satisfy our other basic needs when we have some discretionary funds. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Big Pile-On

Posted on November 25, 2018 by RealityCheck

You may have noticed that when one thing goes badly, other things seem to go badly at the same time. The car breaks down, then the dog gets sick, and then your workplace explodes with new emergencies that apparently only you can deal with.

Why does everything pile on at once?

There’s no definitive answer that I can offer, but I can make a few suggestions for you. Maybe they’ll help. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Setting the Tone

Posted on November 18, 2018 by RealityCheck

The other day, we were reminiscing about Barry. If Barry asked you to do something, you would do it, even if it was inconvenient. Barry is just the kind of guy that you want to help out.

As we were trying to pinpoint what it is about Barry that makes him so special, I thought back to my very first meeting with him.

It was a business meeting where I had a goal to gather specific information. Because I appreciate efficiency and don’t want to waste anyone’s time, I planned ahead and had my list of questions ready. I estimated that it would take about 15 minutes to get the information that I needed from Barry.

So when I sat down at Barry’s desk, I flipped open my folder and was all ready to go. I knew he’s a busy man, so I wanted to let him know that I respected his time and appreciated his willingness to make time for me.

But the meeting didn’t proceed quite as I expected. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Greater Expectations

Posted on November 12, 2018 by RealityCheck

I’d caught the tail end of a conversation about math scores and a possible connection with the practice of moving students along in grade level regardless of whether they’ve mastered skills.

It’s possible that I misunderstood. I’m sure what I heard was out of context. But if that’s the practice, then I chose to be sad about it. Why?

I’m sad about the math—never to be learned—and the missed opportunity for students to experience the joy that comes with mastery. I’m also sad about the struggle, failure, and loss of confidence that follows when one is plunged into more advanced tasks when ill-equipped with the basics. And of course, there are the career opportunities, now blocked, for those students.

You may know someone like Lee, who could be age 7 or 17. Lee lost his/her mathematical way somewhere along the line. Lee’s been moved along, in step with classmates and now is just putting in time. Sometimes, Lee acts out from boredom and frustration. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Your Menu Choices

Posted on November 4, 2018 by RealityCheck

If you want something to grow, it’s generally a good idea to feed it. Don’t want more? Then don’t feed it. That reasoning seems to hold true for the waistline; what if we apply it to emotions?

Noreen looks back on her teenage years as having been full of difficulty and injustice. The people that she believes should have cared for her instead put her down while favouring others. She felt both ignored and tormented. Life was hard.

Noreen’s fortunes changed as she grew up. She developed relationships with people who truly care for her. Through those relationships and her own persistence, Noreen now has a good life by many standards.

Yet, Noreen can’t seem to enjoy this good life. Rather than feeling happy, she’s angry, sliding into old resentments. She ruminates on her mistreatment, going over and over incidents when others were favoured over her. The injustice eats at her. It seems so wrong. Continue reading →

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