Love in Action

Posted on October 27, 2019 by RealityCheck

Different people want different things. It’s a good thing too, isn’t it? Otherwise, we’d all want the same house, the same job, the same cat, and…the same mate.
Some folks believe that somewhere out there is a perfect partner, made for them. I don’t know whether that’s true or not.
However, I do believe that pairing up is helpful. Dr. Glasser’s choice theory says love and belonging as one of our basic needs, and a strong pair bond can go a long way toward satisfying that need. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Art of Asking Questions

Posted on October 20, 2019 by RealityCheck

When someone asks you a question, it’s a great feeling to be able to answer with confidence and competence. The ability to answer questions is a useful skill.
Another skill that’s just as valuable is the ability to ask questions. Asking the right question, at the right time, of the right person is something of an art!
We can learn so much through our questions, especially when we listen carefully to the answers. But figuring out what questions we can ask that will reveal helpful answers takes skill. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Essence of Home

Posted on October 12, 2019 by RealityCheck

What makes a house a home? You’ve seen the decorative signs that say home is where the heart is or that love makes a house a home. What does that really mean?
Feeling that we are loved is one of the basic needs that Dr. Glasser identified in Choice Theory. We want to feel that we belong to a group that matters to us.
You might be satisfied with belonging to a group that has just one other person. Or maybe you need more people—a family group, work group, church group, or social group—to feel that you belong.
Is that feeling of belonging enough to feel that you have a home? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: How Can You Tell Whether It’s A Good Relationship?

Posted on October 6, 2019 by RealityCheck

Choice theory emphasizes self-evaluation. As the word implies, to self-evaluate is to evaluate, for yourself, how well something is working. To self-evaluate, you consider what you want, compare it to the reality, and then determine how well they match.
It’s a simple idea. You might even consider it common sense!
However, sometimes we choose not to self-evaluate, but rather to go along with the evaluations of others. Why?
Perhaps we aren’t confident in our ability to determine whether something is working. Or, maybe someone expresses their opinion so assertively that we doubt our own ears and eyes. Or perhaps we just don’t have enough information.
The self-evaluation concept is really powerful, because it puts the determination in your own hands. You don’t need to go anywhere else. You examine your own needs, perceptions, and situation to see what’s doing you good or doing you harm. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Mind Reader

Posted on September 28, 2019 by RealityCheck

Would you like to read minds? When someone looks you in the eye and tells you a tale, do you wonder, “What are they really thinking?”
On the one hand, the ability to read minds sounds great. You’d never be lied to (or at least, you’d know when it happens.)There would be no secrets. You’d know what your children, your boss, your teacher and your friends really think. Not to mention your spouse!
That brings us to a downside of mind-reading—there’d be no secrets. That’s a double-edged sword, isn’t it? Do we really want to know what people are thinking at all times? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Reflections from the Storm

Posted on September 22, 2019 by RealityCheck

In these posts, I’ve often mentioned power as one of our basic needs. The power I refer to is the need to feel that we are recognized and have value.
However, when we had “a bit of a blow” here on the east coast recently, another type of power rose to top of the mind for many of us. For a while, the electrical grid that we take for granted grabbed our attention. As with so many things that we grow accustomed to having, we don’t pay it much mind till it’s gone.
Life changes when the power, the phones, and the internet disappear for a while. Depending on your situation, that change may have caused real hardship, or it may have just been an inconvenience. Either way, you probably ended up spending at least some of your time somewhat differently than you normally do.
This recent experience led me to think about needs from a choice theory perspective. I came up with the following three observations. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Different wants for different folks

Posted on September 14, 2019 by RealityCheck

“I don’t know why you think you need all that stuff.” From his mom’s perspective, James is continuously on kijiji, eBay and buy & sell groups, looking for a deal. He’s accumulated tools, parts, gadgets of all sorts. “Why?” she wonders. It all looks like junk to her.
In recent years, I’ve been doing the opposite—making efforts to get rid of stuff. However, I don’t want to just “get rid” of it. No, no. Everything was acquired for a reason. Perhaps I needed it at the time, or it has sentimental value or intrinsic value.
You can’t just throw things away. Well, more correctly, I can’t. Perhaps you could.
However, according to choice theory, I can throw stuff away; that’s within my control. I just don’t want to. Perhaps that’s the most correct interpretation of all. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Our “What We Want” World

Posted on September 14, 2019 by RealityCheck

Dr. Wm. Glasser’s book, “Take Charge of Your Life” includes a chapter entitled “The Pictures in our Heads.”
Does the concept of pictures in your head make sense to you? Do you have pictures in your head? Are they vivid pictures? Or are they of the vague, wishy-washy variety?
Glasser states that 80% of our stored perceptions are visual; thus, “pictures in our heads.”
According to choice theory, some of those pictures are very important to us. These important pictures are specific pictures of people, experiences, objects, beliefs, values —whatever it is that we believe will satisfy our needs. Essentially, these are pictures of what we want. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Suggestions for the Workplace Feud

Posted on September 2, 2019 by RealityCheck

Last post, I described a workplace feud between Millie and Billy that’s gotten out of hand. What to do?
Dr. Glasser suggested that the need for power is a basic human need. Because “power” is such a charged word, I want to clarify that an aspect of power is simply the knowledge that we matter; that we have worth.
Different people have different levels of this need but according to Glasser, we all have it to some degree. There are productive, helpful ways to satisfy the need, and there are distinctly unhelpful ways. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Workplace Feud

Posted on August 25, 2019 by RealityCheck

Do you remember the old western movies that featured families fighting each other for generations? The original dispute is long forgotten, but the hatred continues.
Feuds aren’t confined to families, and one place where they are particularly unhelpful is in the workplace.
Why would people feud at work? Probably for the same reasons that people feud anywhere.
From a choice theory view, you could say that the folks involved are choosing feuding as a way to get their basic needs met. From an outsider’s perspective, one might perceive that feuding is not a very helpful way! However, people sometimes do unhelpful things, don’t they? Continue reading →

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