Dr. Wm. Glasser says that all humans need love and belonging. Some people need a lot; others not so much, but everybody has this genetic need. We have other genetic needs too, but for now, we’ll just look at love.
When you love someone, how do you show it? Conversely, how do you know that you are loved? What do you perceive to be demonstrations of love? Continue reading
Last posting, I recounted Brady’s story. Brady’s high self-esteem as a youngster came crashing down in adulthood when he encountered a boss who didn’t interpret awesomeness as just showing up. The profuse praise Brady was accustomed to receiving for minimal accomplishment hadn’t prepared him for an adult reality where praise is often scarce and (sadly) where criticism is often the norm.
In contrast to Brady, Brandon didn’t receive much praise in his life. Granted, when he performed a task particularly well or achieved a goal that was difficult for him, Brandon’s parents let him know they were proud of him. But the family culture and expectation was that accomplishment matters; that recognition comes from setting and achieving goals.
Brandon was expected to work for his spending money. Through that experience, he has learned that earning money takes effort. So, he’s pretty careful about not wasting his money or damaging his possessions. Continue reading
Is self-esteem a double-edged sword?
Too little self-esteem? You can find yourself living an unsatisfying life with little confidence. You may treat yourself as if you have low value or worth. Others may take your behaviour as a cue, and treat you likewise.
Too much self-esteem can also bring unsatisfying consequences. You may be perceived as egotistical, arrogant. You may have few satisfying relationships because you act as if you are more valuable and confident than everyone else!
One approach toward reaching the Goldilocks solution (not too much, not too little, it’s just right) is through self-evaluation. Self-evaluation works by examining your actions and asking yourself, “How well is what I’m doing working for me?” Continue reading
The anecdotes and characters in my columns are usually composite characters and fictionalized situations. However, occasionally, I do write about an actual situation or person (after asking permission, of course.) Such is the case for this column, where the behaviour in a situation was so effective that I wanted to share it with you.
Becky, my practicum supervisor during Reality Therapy certification, later became my friend. She’s no stranger to choice theory and reality therapy, and she applies those principles very effectively in her life.
Becky has taken a job out west, and she chose to get there by driving across Canada. It’s a long drive! So, her daughter accompanied her and helped out with the driving.
My hope for anyone who goes on a journey is that they have an “uneventful” trip. I know that this is not everyone’s preference; some folks actually enjoy drama and chaos, but in my quality world, trips are uneventful. So my general sendoff to my travelling friends is, “Have a safe and uneventful trip!”
However, Becky’s trip was not uneventful. Continue reading
On a special occasion years ago, my Aunt Kathleen gifted me with a shamrock plant. For years, I’d admired hers. It flourished beautifully and was always in bloom. Now, I had my own!
My plant, however, isn’t quite so consistent in its performance. It goes through mysterious cycles. Although it gets the same amount of water and light all the time, sometimes it is blooming, thriving, and exquisite. Other times, it looks like it’s on death’s door, straggly, sparse, and flowerless.
While I was trimming the dead bits from this plant yet again, I had the opportunity to think about its behaviour. And, I came to some conclusions. Continue reading
Work Hard; Be Nice; Keep Commitments. Is that bossy? How about: Do you want a life filled with choice and opportunity?
The Knowledge IS Power Program (KIPP) schools in the US serve students in educationally underserved communities. The goal: “college and a choice-filled life.” The key motto: “Work Hard; Be Nice.”
Work hard; be nice isn’t just about creating a pleasant school environment. It’s also committing to choices of behaviour.
The choices start before a student is enrolled. KIPP requires signed commitments—from teachers, parents, and of course, the students themselves. Continue reading
According to psychologist Rick Hanson, PhD, knowledge from neuroscience, positive psychology, and contemplative practices can be connected to help people develop greater contentment, resilience to stress, and peace of mind.
In “Just One Thing,” (Hanson’s newsletter) he offers practical suggestions based on that knowledge. He made this memorable observation about how our minds work in a recent issue:
“In effect, the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.”
Is that true for you? Think about a day—any day—when you’ve had both negative and positive experiences. Do the negative experiences cling like Velcro, whereas the positive ones slide off with barely a trace left behind? Continue reading
If you have a hummingbird feeder, then you know the routine. A single hummingbird will sit on a perch and eat. But add another, and suddenly everybody is flitting around, hovering, staring, chasing, and squawking.
More energy is spent bothering about the others than what’s gained by eating!
Do you think each hummingbird is blaming the other for “making” them hover, stare, and chase?
As a human observer, it’s easy to see that all the hummingbirds would be better off if they would ignore the other guys and just sit down and eat. There are plenty of perches and plenty of food.
Oh, wait—that observation applies elsewhere! Continue reading
To counteract some of the computer problems that occasionally occur, there’s a handy little built-in mechanism that enables you to set or choose a “restore point.”
Think of it as a way to do some backwards time- travelling. Something’s wrong? Maybe you downloaded a flashy little game and now your system doesn’t work anymore? No problem! Just choose a restore point from before the unfortunate incident, and bing-bang-boom, you are back to normal! Or at least, that’s the theory.
This isn’t a computer column, of course. But the concept of the restore point got me thinking…wouldn’t it be handy if we could do that in life? Continue reading
