Reality Check: Happiness and Self-Responsibility

Posted on March 26, 2017 by RealityCheck

Self-responsibility. In some circles, it’s practically a dirty word.

It seems that a cold and frightening picture comes to mind for some folks when they hear that there’s a move afoot to promote self-reliance as a useful skill. It’s as if they perceive self-reliance to be the situation of a helpless infant about to be thrown out of the cradle with a bottle, a change of diaper, and a note that says, “You’re on your own. Don’t come crying to me for help.”

Now that’s harsh.

So, is it helpful or is it cruel to promote self-responsibility? Continue reading →

Posted in Helping Others | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Happiness and Self-Responsibility

Reality Check:The Happiness of Turning Toward

Posted on March 19, 2017 by RealityCheck

Have I told you lately that I love you?

In any series of articles that’s looking to help increase our happiness, you knew that sooner or later, love would have to show up! It’s well-established that an important factor in our happiness is whether we have warm, loving relationships.

Keep in mind that “relationship” is much broader than the spousal or partner relationship that might come to mind. When you think about it, most of us have many relationships.

For example, there are children, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, immediate and extended family, community members, fellow volunteers, employees and more. You probably know a lot of people, and you have some sort of relationship with each of them. Continue reading →

Posted in Relationships | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Reality Check:The Happiness of Turning Toward

Reality Check: Your Happiness and Other People’s Stuff

Posted on March 12, 2017 by RealityCheck

An application of choice theory called WDEP starts with, “What do you want?”

Different people want different things. Taking the time to first identify what you want helps you choose what actions to take to get it.

“What you want” is certainly not limited to material things. Perhaps you want an improved relationship, more peace of mind, or to become a more helpful, generous person. It’s your life; you get to choose what you want.

However, how you define your wants can have a lot to do with your happiness. Continue reading →

Posted in Satisfaction | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Your Happiness and Other People’s Stuff

Reality Check: The Happiness of Eliminating Options

Posted on March 5, 2017 by RealityCheck

Keeping our options open is often perceived as positive. “What are you doing for vacation?” “I’m keeping my options open.” Or, “Have you decided who you will marry?” “No, I’m keeping my options open.”

There’s a delightful sense of freedom that can come with perceiving our world as being filled with options and unlimited possibilities.

Yet, there’s also a downside to having too many choices open and under active consideration. As Dr. Joel Wade puts it in “Mastering Happiness,” “Every choice takes time and energy. There is a certain degree of anxiety that accompanies every choice.”

Even when a choice isn’t hugely important, keeping our options open (otherwise known as “not making a decision”) can be a surprisingly high drain of our energy. Continue reading →

Posted in Control and Choice | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: The Happiness of Eliminating Options

Reality Check: All Work and All Play

Posted on February 26, 2017 by RealityCheck

Think back to when you’ve had a really satisfying day. Perhaps it was yesterday! Or maybe you have to search your memory and go back years. No matter. Just think of a good, satisfying day that you’ve actually experienced—not one that you’ve imagined or wished for—but one that you’ve lived.

What made that day different from ordinary, less-satisfying days? Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Behaviour | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: All Work and All Play

Reality Check: Practice Makes Better

Posted on February 19, 2017 by RealityCheck

We get good at what we practice. Even if we never completely master a skill, the more we practice, the more we improve. Conversely, if we don’t practice, we won’t improve and may even lose what skill we had.

In this series on happiness, my guiding question is, “What can we do to be happier?” If we want to become good at being happier, then it follows that we would practice the actions of being happy, and avoid practicing the actions of being unhappy.

Just because an action sounds sensible doesn’t mean it’s the most appealing choice, though. Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Behaviour | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Practice Makes Better

Reality Check: To Rely and to Be Reliable

Posted on February 12, 2017 by RealityCheck

There’s a particular satisfaction for me when someone I know has made progress in their life. It’s especially gratifying if I can perceive that I had contributed to that progress, even in a tiny way.

Often, the achievements are relatively small; a student passed a test or an employee got recognition at work. But there are also the bigger deals—a new job, a promotion, a promising turnaround in a difficult relationship.

No matter the specific accomplishment, it’s a victory when we make progress in the direction we want; when we move closer to the life that we want to live. Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Behaviour | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: To Rely and to Be Reliable

Reality Check: Optimism or Entitlement?

Posted on February 5, 2017 by RealityCheck

Which do you think leads to a happier, more satisfied life: Expecting that life will be easy and becoming disappointed when you learn that it’s difficult? Or expecting life to be hard and being pleasantly surprised when some things work well?

In these columns, my general suggestion is that we’re more likely to create satisfying lives if we adopt a positive, optimistic outlook rather than a negative, pessimistic one. However, sometimes we (and others) behave as if we’ve confused optimism with entitlement.

What’s the difference? Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Perspective | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Optimism or Entitlement?

Reality Check: Do you want to keep the hurt alive?

Posted on January 29, 2017 by RealityCheck

Have you ever been hurt? Probably so. I think that it’s the rare person who makes it through life without feeling that someone has done them wrong at some point.

This series of columns is intended to provide suggestions to help you bring more happiness into your life. Some of the information I’m drawing on comes from Dr. Joel Wade’s book, “Mastering Happiness.”

Dr. Wade suggests that practicing forgiveness can help you become happier.

Let’s say you experienced a hurtful incident, perhaps recently or perhaps long ago. Perhaps it was done intentionally or inadvertently. Maybe everyone knows about it, or maybe only you are aware of it.

No matter. You feel hurt. Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Perspective | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Do you want to keep the hurt alive?

Reality Check: Proactive Happiness

Posted on January 22, 2017 by RealityCheck

In this series of columns on happiness, my goal is to help answer the question, “What can we do to be happier?”

One excellent resource is “Mastering Happiness,” where Dr. Joel Wade discusses ten specific practices. If you adopt them, practice them, and stick with them, Dr. Wade suggests that you will have a more fulfilling life, that is, more happiness.

Notice that to reap the happiness benefit, you need both practice and persistence.

The first practice in Dr. Wade’s collection is that of gratitude. Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Behaviour | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Proactive Happiness