Reality Check: There will always be an Irma

Posted on September 10, 2017 by RealityCheck

Are there people in your life who bug you? Treat you badly? Is this the story of your life?

Sweet little Mary was picked on throughout her first year of school. Her nemesis was Irma, a big girl in a big grade. Irma taunted and poked fun at Mary for no reason. Such an unpleasant girl was Irma.

Finally, the school year was over and Irma moved. Mary was ecstatic, looking forward to a peaceful year.

But another big kid decided to pick on Mary. Mary started feeling like she had a target on her back.

Throughout Mary’s childhood, there was always someone who had it in for her. Mary would go over and over each unpleasant incident in her mind. “Why me?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Sidestep your Traps

Posted on September 10, 2017 by RealityCheck

Why do I keep doing that? I should know better by now!

That’s the way Sophie beats herself up after conversations with her mother. Why, indeed?

The relationship with her mom was never great. Sophie is warm and outgoing, whereas mom says little. When mom does talk, it’s more critical than supportive. Mom’s philosophy, “Why would I tell you that you’re doing a good job? That’s what you’re supposed to do.”

Throughout her life, Sophie has worked hard to prove that she meets mom’s high standards and deserves her approval. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: An Anxiety Alternative

Posted on August 27, 2017 by RealityCheck

If we choose to worry, there’s plenty to worry about.

Thanks to the mixed blessing of access to information from all over the world, we can worry about things that we have absolutely no control over and that may never affect us.

Closer to home, we could worry about what might happen tomorrow. What if my worries come true?

Or, we could worry about what should have happened yesterday. What should I have done differently?

If you are blessed (or cursed) with a vivid imagination, you can fill your mind with vibrant “what ifs” and “shoulda-coulda” pictures. But we only get to live our lives between yesterday and tomorrow—in that space called today. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Blue Day Defenses

Posted on August 20, 2017 by RealityCheck

Ever had a blue day? No? You can skip this column, then. However, if “blue day” is sadly recognizable for you, read on.

Our actions affect our feelings, so if you are feeling down and you don’t like that feeling, then a choice theory suggestion is to take action.

It can require some creative thinking to come up with positive actions that will help you feel happier. And when you are feeling blue, the reality is that creativity can be hard to muster.

So, if you know that you have blue days, try planning ahead by making the following lists. They will be easier to create when you are happy rather than blue. But any time is better than never. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Joy of Groundrules

Posted on August 13, 2017 by RealityCheck

How’s the new job, Sara?

It’s ok, but there are an awful lot of rules. There’s a rule for when you come in, when you leave, what you can say to customers, what you do during slow times…There is a rule for everything!

Some folks don’t like rules. If that’s you, then you may be surprised to learn that others enjoy having clear rules. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Knowing who your friends are

Posted on August 7, 2017 by RealityCheck

How do you know who your friends are?

If you’re a well-seasoned adult, your response may be quite different from that of someone younger. Experience does bring wisdom. If you pay attention to it, that is.

I know that I’m not alone among people dismayed by stories of youngsters who have been manipulated into sharing personal information and pictures with their “friends” only to find themselves betrayed. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: If you can’t get out of work….

Posted on July 30, 2017 by RealityCheck

Work; if you can’t get out of it, you may as well get in to it.

Recently, I’ve focused on unhappiness at work. My suggestions come from the general principle that if you want change, you can either change your reality or change your perception.

Perhaps you’ve looked seriously at changing your work reality. You’ve examined options: you could choose a different type of work, choose a different employer, or stay where you are, but change your workplace environment from within.

If your best option is to change your work reality, then start planning!

On the other hand, you may conclude that it’s impractical to change the reality of your work. Perhaps you can’t afford it, or you may perceive that it’s not worth the energy when there’s no guarantee of a positive result.

Does that mean you are doomed to unhappiness for the rest of your working life? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Improving the Workplace from Within

Posted on July 23, 2017 by RealityCheck

If you are unhappy at your workplace and would like to change that situation, there’s a variety of choices available to you. Mind you, the choices may not necessarily be attractive. But choices exist, nevertheless.

One consistent suggestion is that if you don’t like the way things are, you can either change your reality or change your perception.

If you’ve decided that you will never find satisfaction, much less joy, in your current workplace, then departure may be your most effective option. Still, you have choices. You might choose to make an abrupt change, or you might take a more cautious approach. If you do choose to go abruptly, then my suggestion (as always) is to think through the consequences before you leap. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Can you change your workplace reality?

Posted on July 20, 2017 by RealityCheck

Unhappy at your work? Want it to be better? Don’t know what to do? Sadly, you’re not alone. And while misery might love company, knowing that others share your misery doesn’t help you every day as you trudge off to your workplace.

Last column, I suggested that when we are dissatisfied and want to make a change, we can either change our reality or we can change our perception. Those two options apply to many troubling situations, including workplaces.

How do you decide which option—a change of reality or a change of perception—might be most effective for you? Start with, “What do I want from my work?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Just doing my job…

Posted on July 20, 2017 by RealityCheck

“If only I could go to work and just do my job…” Do you ever think like that? Does your version of that wistful statement end with a “but”?

If so, you are not alone. There’s plenty of disgruntlement to go around, such as, “If only I could go to work and just do my job but my boss is so uncooperative, incompetent, or just plain nasty.”

Or, “If only I could go to work and just do my job but my coworkers are into power struggles, gossiping, undermining, or slacking off.” Continue reading →

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