Reality Check: Purpose, Feedback and Influence

Posted on February 7, 2021 by RealityCheck

Defining purpose in our lives is interesting to me, but I didn’t know for sure whether others share that interest. Now I know; it’s not just me who sees purpose as a topic worth thinking about.
How do I know? From feedback that I received. This leads me to three conclusions:
First, purpose is important. Even when folks haven’t defined a clear purpose for themselves, the idea of purpose still matters.
Next, feedback is important. Otherwise, how do we know what other people think and believe? How do we know whether our actions are effective?
Finally, influence is important. It’s worthwhile to examine what we allow to influence us and to consider our own influence on others. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Finding the Good Thing

Posted on January 31, 2021 by RealityCheck

Humans seem to be wired to easily recognize bad things—danger, fear, hostility—and skip over good things. I’m sure there’s a perfectly sensible survival-related reason for that. However, if the lens we look through shows us only negatives, it makes for a pretty miserable view.
I’m not suggesting that the negativity view isn’t accurate. However, if you want to live a satisfying, perhaps even a happy life, the negativity lens may not be your best friend.
If a lens of negativity, resentment, depression, anxiety, etc. is not working so well for you, maybe you’ve considered trying a different one. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Trade-offs We Choose

Posted on January 24, 2021 by RealityCheck

In case your mind feels like it’s still on holiday, here’s a little scenario to spark your imagination.
You are going down a hallway behind a person on crutches. They are proceeding hesitantly; giving you the impression that the crutches may be quite new. You follow slowly at a safe 2 meter social distance.
At the end of the hall is a heavy door. The person struggles with it. What do you do?
Do you need to think about it? Or do you know immediately what you would do?
Would you say, “That’s a ridiculous question. Of course, I would go ahead and open the door for a person in difficulty because compassion is essential.”
Or, you might say, “That’s a ridiculous question. Of course, I would stay behind and maintain a 2 meter distance because safety is paramount.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Actions of Optimism

Posted on January 17, 2021 by RealityCheck

The New Year has arrived. This year, the consistent sentiment that I’ve heard expressed is, “I hope it’s going to be better than last year!”
Will 2021 be a better year than 2020?
Some folks believe that it will be; others not so sure. One thing we can say with certainty is that we can’t predict exactly what will happen. Given that, what can we do?
It’ll come as no surprise that I’ll say that we can choose our attitude. We can choose whether we look at the new year with optimism or pessimism.
However, I’m pretty sure that if you feel like you’ve just gotten through a year where you had the stuffing kicked out of you, then deciding to choose optimism toward the new year isn’t all that simple. Even if you squeeze your eyes shut and try really, really hard, you may not be able to conjure up a magical genie who will offer you three wishes, one being a sense of optimism. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To Make a Difference

Posted on January 10, 2021 by RealityCheck

We’re in to a New Year! But before we leave Christmas 2020 behind, let’s remember the classic Christmas movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” It’s an oldie, yet the message is still worthwhile. George Bailey gets to see the difference he made; how his town would be had he never been born.
It’s a fascinating idea, isn’t it? What would the world be like if we were never here? Would it be better? Worse? Unchanged? Does the life of one person make a difference? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A Look at Happiness

Posted on January 3, 2021 by RealityCheck

What does it mean to be happy? Is it selfish to want to be happy? Do some people seek happiness in a bad way? Is there a formula for happiness?
So many questions; so few answers. But as we come to the end of this strange year, it seems appropriate to revisit fundamental questions about happiness. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Spirit of a Conversation

Posted on December 27, 2020 by RealityCheck

With limitations on visiting people, how we handle our conversations may matter even more now than during normal times. Why?
When we can’t talk face to face, we can’t see expressions or body language. It’s harder to distinguish between a playful joke and an insult; a genuine question from sarcasm. Even a video conversation is not quite the same as being in the same room, is it?
However, we’re accustomed to using phones, emails, texts, and other communications. What’s different now?
Could it be that when a misunderstanding does come up, we’re less able to say, “Let’s meet for coffee and talk about it”? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A Year in Perspective

Posted on December 20, 2020 by RealityCheck

In “Choice Theory,” Dr. Glasser tells the story of a mother who is travelling with her infant. The baby screams through the whole three-hour flight. Mom tries everything she can think of; nothing helps.
You can probably understand why the mother announced to everyone on the plane near the end of the trip, “This has been a flight from hell.”
As we near the end of 2020, I have a feeling that more than a few folks are thinking, “This has been a year from hell!” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What’s in a Bribe?

Posted on December 13, 2020 by RealityCheck

When you think of bribery (if you ever do) what comes to mind? Scenes of brown paper bags stuffed with cash, surreptitiously dropped into the hands of corrupt, powerful people?
In his book, “Take Charge of Your Life,” Dr. Glasser refers to seven deadly habits that destroy relationships. The last habit in his list is, “Bribing or rewarding to control.”
What might that mean? Is it, “If you do something I want, then you will get a reward”? Could it also include, “If you don’t do something I want; then you will be punished”?
Looking around, it seems that we could interpret a lot of what happens in everyday life as “bribery.” Many of us try to get people to do what we want them to do. It’s not necessarily because we’re evil, but because we have a belief that we know what’s best.
And when we are convinced that we know what’s best, it’s not too easy to change Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Tension Between Safety and Freedom

Posted on December 6, 2020 by RealityCheck

People do the strangest things, don’t they? Sometimes you shake your head in disbelief.
Yet for any of us, I suspect that there are times when an observer would think our own actions quite irrational. An observer can only see what we do and hear what we say; they don’t know the thoughts in our heads or the emotions of our hearts. That is, an observer doesn’t have the whole story.
When we see someone acting in a way that seems illogical to us, it can help if we have a reasonable answer to the question, “Why would he/she do that?” Continue reading →

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