Reality Check: Providing Information

Posted on October 11, 2020 by RealityCheck

“Other people can neither make us miserable nor make us happy. All we can get from them or give to them is information.” At least, that’s what Dr. Wm. Glasser says in Choice Theory.
We exchange all kinds of information. We discuss prices with colleagues, gardening with neighbours, and values with advisors. In this unusual school year, parents may find themselves providing information on topics ranging from fractions to forests for their children. It’s all information. It flows, and it can add value for both the receiver and the provider. Ideally, that is.
If we take it as truth that what we give and receive is information, then we might also believe that the process should not be difficult.
Yet, if you’ve ever been tasked with providing help, training, or skill development, you may know that simply providing information doesn’t always deliver your hoped-for result. Reciting a list of facts is not necessarily very effective.
Here are three tips based on a Choice Theory approach that could help you make the information-giving process a little less stressful and a little more effective. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Stories We Tell

Posted on October 4, 2020 by RealityCheck

When you roll out of bed in the morning, do you tell yourself, “Today is going to be an amazing day!”? Or is your first thought closer to, “Ugghh. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this day.”
Some folks let the weather dictate their morning story. If it’s sunny and beautiful, there’s optimism and happiness while a nasty rain and wind prompts an expectation of a miserable day.
Other folks go with curiosity, “I wonder how this day will go.”
We could perceive those morning thoughts as a “story” that we tell ourselves about the day to come. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To Speak or to Avoid?

Posted on September 27, 2020 by RealityCheck

Illnesses, losses and tragedies happen. When you know someone who is experiencing a significant difficulty, it can be hard to know what to say.
How do you react when you see that person coming down the sidewalk? Do you think, “Oh no! What do I do?” In these days of masked faces, it may seem easier to look away; to hide in plain sight. Maybe I won’t be noticed.
Difficult situations bring up valid questions. Is it better to talk to the person about the situation? Or should I avoid the conversation, and even the person, altogether? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Urgent Request

Posted on September 20, 2020 by RealityCheck

“Trust you are well and keeping safe. Please I need your urgent assistance. Kindly get back to me. Thanks.”
If you received those words in a message from a friend, what would you do?
You’d probably kindly get back to them, wouldn’t you? Of course you would. You want to help people, especially people whom you consider your friends.
So when I got that message, my response was essentially, “Of course. What do you need?”
The next message gave it all away. My “friend” needed a gift card, urgently, for her niece.
Yeah, right. The likelihood that my friend, who lives in Montreal surrounded by family, friends, and professional colleagues, would reach out to me with an urgent need for a gift card are pretty much zero. Zip. Nada.
The fact that I had responded at all to the initial message reminded me of the power of impulse. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Why Not Ask?

Posted on September 13, 2020 by RealityCheck

“I’m not going to bother asking because I know what I’ll hear.”
Have you ever held back from making a request using that reasoning? For example, “I won’t bother to ask for a refund because I know it will be denied.”
Yet, how do we “know”? How can we be sure of the outcome of a request unless we ask? Perhaps we are working under the misperception that we can read minds. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Another Positive to Negative Ratio

Posted on September 7, 2020 by RealityCheck

Last time, I had suggested an experiment for you to try if you have a relationship that you’d like to improve. Essentially, the experiment starts by keeping track (in your mind) of how often you offer a “compliment” (encouragement, appreciation, or positive statement) compared to how often you offer some sort of criticism.
Sometimes, just keeping track leads to an improvement. And if it does turn out that you see that your interactions in the relationship are skewed toward the critical comments versus the appreciative, then it could be worth making an effort to change that. Deliberately increase the positive comments and hold off on some of the criticisms. See what happens.
This sort of experiment probably won’t do any harm, and if it improves the relationship even a tiny bit, it could be well worth the effort.
Does that sound like a manipulative approach to getting the improved relationship that you want? I’m always wary of manipulation—underhanded attempts to trick someone into doing what you want them to do. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Ratios and Relationships

Posted on August 31, 2020 by RealityCheck

I’ll bet you were hoping for a math lesson today, so here you go: A ratio is essentially a pair of numbers that defines a relationship.
And we all know that the value and quality of our relationships plays a big role in how happy and satisfied we are in our lives, don’t we?
Granted, the “relationships” that we usually associate with ratios don’t tend to be people-focused relationships. They’re more about down-to-earth, tangible things, like figuring out how much oil to put in your chain saw gas or what the pitch of your roof needs to be.
However, if you want to try improving a personal relationship, there is a ratio that could be helpful to keep in mind. Let’s call it the “compliment to criticism” ratio. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Essential Connections

Posted on August 24, 2020 by RealityCheck

When things are going well, some of us don’t feel a great need to seek out connections with others. We’re content to forge along and make our progress without a great deal of interaction.
When things are going badly however, there may be a stronger inclination to feel connected to a community of like-minded and good-spirited people. While it’s always comforting to know that you have people in your life who have your best interests at heart, it’s particularly helpful when you are feeling vulnerable.
Speaking of how things are going, what’s your perception? Are things getting better? Getting worse? Same old, same old? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Resources and Resourcefulness

Posted on August 16, 2020 by RealityCheck

Picture yourself stranded on a desert island (or an island off Nova Scotia.) As you are “stranded,” it’s implied that you didn’t intend to be in this situation and it’s definitely not what you want.
Now what do you do? You have choices, of course.
One choice would be to sit on the shore and cry. Some of us might start with that, even if only for a few minutes.
You could choose to be grateful for the positive aspects that you can find in the situation. Perhaps you’ve landed uninjured. The island doesn’t have poisonous snakes, spiders or other predators. Even in this gloomy situation, there can still be plenty to be grateful for when you look for the positive elements.
Taking that further, you could choose to perceive this as an unexpected vacation! At last, solitude! I imagine most of us would view that response as absurd. However, it is a perception that you could choose if you want to. That perspective may even work well for a while. That is, until you get hungry, thirsty, sunburned, cold, hot, or the mosquitos find you. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Our Best Selves

Posted on August 12, 2020 by RealityCheck

What comes to your mind when I refer to our best selves?
Is our best self when we “put our best foot forward?” Perhaps so. However, if putting our best foot forward is only to make a good impression—essentially, to put on a show for someone—then that doesn’t necessarily correspond to our genuine best self.
From my perspective, our best self emerges when we are the best person we can be. Because we all have different gifts and characteristics, my best self could be quite different from your best self. Continue reading →

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