Reality Check: The Face of Kindness

Posted on July 21, 2019 by RealityCheck

A common bit of advice for living a good life is, “Be kind.” I certainly agree. Kindness will likely result in better relationships, quality of life, and more happiness than being nasty.
It’s obvious what it means to “be kind.” Or is it?
Specifically, what does kindness look like? How do you know when you are treating someone kindly? Is that warm, fuzzy feeling enough evidence? When faced with a difficult choice, how do you determine what action is kindest? It’s not always a simple determination. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Much Ado About Recognition

Posted on July 21, 2019 by RealityCheck

The onset of summer is a great time of year. There’s fresh grass, baby birds, the promise of warmth, and maybe even some leisure time!
For me, this time of year often coincides with finalizing some activities and interactions. Thus, it provides a great opportunity to acknowledge, recognize and thank the people I’ve been involved with, to share what I’ve observed, and to offer suggestions for moving forward.
When we deal with people over an extended period of time, it’s easy to assume that they know what we think of them (and vice versa). But this is not necessarily so. It’s sometimes astounding to realize what people believe about themselves and others. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: An Attitude About Forgetting

Posted on June 29, 2019 by RealityCheck

Last post, I used a personal example to discuss the challenge of forgetfulness. I had devoted considerable time learning how to use a piece of software. But by the time I needed to use that knowledge, it seemed that all I’d learned was forgotten. To say I was annoyed would be an understatement.
Sometimes we try to remember by cramming. Have you ever experienced a late-night cramming session before an exam? All that important knowledge flies out of your head the moment the exam ends. Hopefully, not before.
We can forget so quickly. The “forgetting curve” shows that we lose so much information shortly after learning it.
Even though forgetting is normal, it would be helpful if we had some control over what we remember. Are there conscious actions that we can take to help us? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Challenge of Forgetfulness

Posted on June 23, 2019 by RealityCheck

Do you believe that you are forgetful? If so, do you find that troubling?
Recently, I explored some research around learning and what we might do to help people retain what they’ve learned. I had looked at this research before, several years ago. Ironically, I had forgotten about it until I came across it again.
Learning is so important. The fact that we can continue to learn throughout our lives has an impact on our quality of life; our relationships; our very survival.
Yet, so much of what we learn seems to quickly slip away. If we haven’t used old pieces of knowledge for a little while, they seem to get replaced by new information that’s captured our attention. Even when it’s something that we know is important, it can fade so quickly. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Helpful Habits

Posted on June 16, 2019 by RealityCheck

What are your habits? What actions have you practiced so much that they are now a regular, perhaps even a mindless, part of life?
Some habits are deliberate; we’ve consciously initiated them. For example, perhaps you practice the beneficial habit of exercising every day. Previously, I have suggested writing three new things that we’re grateful for every day and found that to be a surprisingly useful new habit.
Habits can also be a little less beneficial. Maybe you have the habit of a cigarette after a meal or a big bowl of ice cream whenever you watch TV. Even if you don’t want that habit, it can be so engrained that it could feel as if you have no control over it. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Back to Basics

Posted on June 10, 2019 by RealityCheck

While browsing my bookshelf, I thought it time to reread one of the classics: Stephen Covey’s “First Things First.”
If you’re looking for help to live a satisfying life, Covey’s books are a good place to start. You won’t find a step-by-step formula, but you will find questions and suggestions to get you thinking.
There are both similarities and differences between Covey’s approach and Glasser’s (Reality Therapy) approach. For example, both identify basic human needs, but they do it differently.
Why bother discussing basic needs? If you’re feeling vaguely dissatisfied; when you have a gnawing feeling that something is “off” but you’re not sure what it is, then understanding your basic needs could help you identify gaps in your life. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Finding Affinity

Posted on June 2, 2019 by RealityCheck

If you’ve ever been overwhelmed, you know it’s not very pleasant. When you are faced with demands from all sides, unknowns about the future, all the uncertainties…It’s overwhelming.
As I was reviewing a tool used with teams to gather and group ideas, it occurred to me that this could also be useful for anyone who is feeling overwhelmed.
The tool is called an Affinity Diagram, and it’s really a process rather than a physical “tool.” It’s a modification of a method developed decades ago by a Japanese anthropologist, Jiro Kawakita. Although popular in some circles, it doesn’t seem widely known by the general public.
Heads-up—this process calls for a lot of sticky notes, so consider going to your favourite dollar emporium to stock up before you get started.
Here’s the general process when working with a team. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Strategies for Choice

Posted on May 25, 2019 by RealityCheck

Previously, I discussed a theory popularized by Barry Schwartz in, “The Paradox of Choice” that there are two choice-making approaches. Some people are maximizers; intent on making the absolute best choices they possibly can. Others are satisficers, who stop looking after they’ve found a choice that fits their criteria.
In this world of seemingly unlimited choices, satisficers have an easier time. They’re not so troubled by the fact that there are many options or whether they’ve made the perfect choice. They make a choice that works for them; stop looking and move on. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Do your choices satisfy you?

Posted on May 19, 2019 by RealityCheck

We make many choices—some consequential; others trivial. Does your choice-making process satisfy you? Or aggravate you? Or does it depend on the choice?
Barry Schwartz needed a pair of jeans. In the big scheme of things, picking out jeans isn’t a hugely consequential decision. But in his book, “The Paradox of Choice,” this shopping experience demonstrates the difficulties that even small choices can create for some people.
Schwartz walked into the store thinking he just wanted “jeans.” He didn’t realize that jeans come in a mind-boggling array of styles, fits, and finishes. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Joy of Ownership

Posted on May 12, 2019 by RealityCheck

The other day, while I was picking up trash by the roadside, I pondered the things that one tends to ponder while picking up trash by the roadside. For example, I pondered, “Why would anyone throw their trash on the side of the road?”
While it’s easy to believe, “People just don’t care,” a more in-depth inquiry might ask, “Why don’t they care?”
One possible answer that I thought of is perhaps some folks don’t have a sense of ownership. They don’t believe that the roadside belongs to them, and therefore take no pride in whether it’s tidy, trashy, or otherwise. “It’s not mine, so I don’t care,” may be the thought process.
When you don’t have any sense of ownership, you may also have no sense of accountability. What do you think of that as an explanation for some behaviours?
Now, how about applying the same rationale to feelings? Continue reading →

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