Reality Check: Upsides and Downsides

Posted on August 3, 2019 by RealityCheck

Is there such a thing as too much optimism? Does optimism have a downside?
My general belief is that there are upsides and downsides for most everything. Thus the process of making choices is pretty simple, in theory anyway. All you need to do is figure out the upsides and downsides of a choice, weigh them, and then choose the path that makes sense based on what matters most to you.
It sounds like a nice, sensible process. Yet, in reality, we often have a problem with figuring out those upsides and downsides. We may not have all the facts or know how to get them, and when we do, how do we know they’re true?
For example, is coffee still good for us? Is milk bad now? Maybe we should just drink wine. (Please don’t take that as advice. I’m mostly joking.)
Besides, who has the time to work all this out? We could spend every waking hour trying to avoid making mistakes in even minor decisions. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What does your mind rest upon?

Posted on July 27, 2019 by RealityCheck

Dr. Rick Hanson writes a regular email newsletter called Just One Thing, subtitled, “Simple practices for resilient happiness.”
In a recent publication, he said, “There is a traditional saying that the mind takes its shape from what it rests upon.”
To say “the mind takes its shape” brings the interesting implication that the mind can change in fundamental ways. If so, then if we control what our mind rests upon, we also control the “shape” of our mind.
Where does your mind go when it’s at rest? For example, if you lift your eyes away from this column and let your mind wander for a moment, where does it go? What pops up? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Things People Say

Posted on July 21, 2019 by RealityCheck

Everybody’s heard about Treena’s embarrassing situation. At least, that’s her perception. Her boss, neighbours, relatives, friends, and acquaintances know that she did something bad and was caught.
It was even in the paper, ensuring that every single person knows it. She is sure she’ll never get her reputation back.
Treena knows and accepts that what she did was wrong. She had other, better choices. She just didn’t think things through. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Face of Kindness

Posted on July 21, 2019 by RealityCheck

A common bit of advice for living a good life is, “Be kind.” I certainly agree. Kindness will likely result in better relationships, quality of life, and more happiness than being nasty.
It’s obvious what it means to “be kind.” Or is it?
Specifically, what does kindness look like? How do you know when you are treating someone kindly? Is that warm, fuzzy feeling enough evidence? When faced with a difficult choice, how do you determine what action is kindest? It’s not always a simple determination. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Much Ado About Recognition

Posted on July 21, 2019 by RealityCheck

The onset of summer is a great time of year. There’s fresh grass, baby birds, the promise of warmth, and maybe even some leisure time!
For me, this time of year often coincides with finalizing some activities and interactions. Thus, it provides a great opportunity to acknowledge, recognize and thank the people I’ve been involved with, to share what I’ve observed, and to offer suggestions for moving forward.
When we deal with people over an extended period of time, it’s easy to assume that they know what we think of them (and vice versa). But this is not necessarily so. It’s sometimes astounding to realize what people believe about themselves and others. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: An Attitude About Forgetting

Posted on June 29, 2019 by RealityCheck

Last post, I used a personal example to discuss the challenge of forgetfulness. I had devoted considerable time learning how to use a piece of software. But by the time I needed to use that knowledge, it seemed that all I’d learned was forgotten. To say I was annoyed would be an understatement.
Sometimes we try to remember by cramming. Have you ever experienced a late-night cramming session before an exam? All that important knowledge flies out of your head the moment the exam ends. Hopefully, not before.
We can forget so quickly. The “forgetting curve” shows that we lose so much information shortly after learning it.
Even though forgetting is normal, it would be helpful if we had some control over what we remember. Are there conscious actions that we can take to help us? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Challenge of Forgetfulness

Posted on June 23, 2019 by RealityCheck

Do you believe that you are forgetful? If so, do you find that troubling?
Recently, I explored some research around learning and what we might do to help people retain what they’ve learned. I had looked at this research before, several years ago. Ironically, I had forgotten about it until I came across it again.
Learning is so important. The fact that we can continue to learn throughout our lives has an impact on our quality of life; our relationships; our very survival.
Yet, so much of what we learn seems to quickly slip away. If we haven’t used old pieces of knowledge for a little while, they seem to get replaced by new information that’s captured our attention. Even when it’s something that we know is important, it can fade so quickly. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Helpful Habits

Posted on June 16, 2019 by RealityCheck

What are your habits? What actions have you practiced so much that they are now a regular, perhaps even a mindless, part of life?
Some habits are deliberate; we’ve consciously initiated them. For example, perhaps you practice the beneficial habit of exercising every day. Previously, I have suggested writing three new things that we’re grateful for every day and found that to be a surprisingly useful new habit.
Habits can also be a little less beneficial. Maybe you have the habit of a cigarette after a meal or a big bowl of ice cream whenever you watch TV. Even if you don’t want that habit, it can be so engrained that it could feel as if you have no control over it. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Back to Basics

Posted on June 10, 2019 by RealityCheck

While browsing my bookshelf, I thought it time to reread one of the classics: Stephen Covey’s “First Things First.”
If you’re looking for help to live a satisfying life, Covey’s books are a good place to start. You won’t find a step-by-step formula, but you will find questions and suggestions to get you thinking.
There are both similarities and differences between Covey’s approach and Glasser’s (Reality Therapy) approach. For example, both identify basic human needs, but they do it differently.
Why bother discussing basic needs? If you’re feeling vaguely dissatisfied; when you have a gnawing feeling that something is “off” but you’re not sure what it is, then understanding your basic needs could help you identify gaps in your life. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Finding Affinity

Posted on June 2, 2019 by RealityCheck

If you’ve ever been overwhelmed, you know it’s not very pleasant. When you are faced with demands from all sides, unknowns about the future, all the uncertainties…It’s overwhelming.
As I was reviewing a tool used with teams to gather and group ideas, it occurred to me that this could also be useful for anyone who is feeling overwhelmed.
The tool is called an Affinity Diagram, and it’s really a process rather than a physical “tool.” It’s a modification of a method developed decades ago by a Japanese anthropologist, Jiro Kawakita. Although popular in some circles, it doesn’t seem widely known by the general public.
Heads-up—this process calls for a lot of sticky notes, so consider going to your favourite dollar emporium to stock up before you get started.
Here’s the general process when working with a team. Continue reading →

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