Reality Check: Reflections from the Storm

Posted on September 22, 2019 by RealityCheck

In these posts, I’ve often mentioned power as one of our basic needs. The power I refer to is the need to feel that we are recognized and have value.
However, when we had “a bit of a blow” here on the east coast recently, another type of power rose to top of the mind for many of us. For a while, the electrical grid that we take for granted grabbed our attention. As with so many things that we grow accustomed to having, we don’t pay it much mind till it’s gone.
Life changes when the power, the phones, and the internet disappear for a while. Depending on your situation, that change may have caused real hardship, or it may have just been an inconvenience. Either way, you probably ended up spending at least some of your time somewhat differently than you normally do.
This recent experience led me to think about needs from a choice theory perspective. I came up with the following three observations. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Different wants for different folks

Posted on September 14, 2019 by RealityCheck

“I don’t know why you think you need all that stuff.” From his mom’s perspective, James is continuously on kijiji, eBay and buy & sell groups, looking for a deal. He’s accumulated tools, parts, gadgets of all sorts. “Why?” she wonders. It all looks like junk to her.
In recent years, I’ve been doing the opposite—making efforts to get rid of stuff. However, I don’t want to just “get rid” of it. No, no. Everything was acquired for a reason. Perhaps I needed it at the time, or it has sentimental value or intrinsic value.
You can’t just throw things away. Well, more correctly, I can’t. Perhaps you could.
However, according to choice theory, I can throw stuff away; that’s within my control. I just don’t want to. Perhaps that’s the most correct interpretation of all. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Our “What We Want” World

Posted on September 14, 2019 by RealityCheck

Dr. Wm. Glasser’s book, “Take Charge of Your Life” includes a chapter entitled “The Pictures in our Heads.”
Does the concept of pictures in your head make sense to you? Do you have pictures in your head? Are they vivid pictures? Or are they of the vague, wishy-washy variety?
Glasser states that 80% of our stored perceptions are visual; thus, “pictures in our heads.”
According to choice theory, some of those pictures are very important to us. These important pictures are specific pictures of people, experiences, objects, beliefs, values —whatever it is that we believe will satisfy our needs. Essentially, these are pictures of what we want. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Suggestions for the Workplace Feud

Posted on September 2, 2019 by RealityCheck

Last post, I described a workplace feud between Millie and Billy that’s gotten out of hand. What to do?
Dr. Glasser suggested that the need for power is a basic human need. Because “power” is such a charged word, I want to clarify that an aspect of power is simply the knowledge that we matter; that we have worth.
Different people have different levels of this need but according to Glasser, we all have it to some degree. There are productive, helpful ways to satisfy the need, and there are distinctly unhelpful ways. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Workplace Feud

Posted on August 25, 2019 by RealityCheck

Do you remember the old western movies that featured families fighting each other for generations? The original dispute is long forgotten, but the hatred continues.
Feuds aren’t confined to families, and one place where they are particularly unhelpful is in the workplace.
Why would people feud at work? Probably for the same reasons that people feud anywhere.
From a choice theory view, you could say that the folks involved are choosing feuding as a way to get their basic needs met. From an outsider’s perspective, one might perceive that feuding is not a very helpful way! However, people sometimes do unhelpful things, don’t they? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Helping Professions

Posted on August 17, 2019 by RealityCheck

Many people have a genuine wish to be helpful; that is, to take actions that are of service to others.
Wanting to help is a fine aspiration. To be of service benefits both the helper and those who are helped. It gives purpose to the helper and it provides value to the helpee.
On top of those individual benefits, a helpfulness mindset makes everyone’s interactions more pleasant. If you’re a big picture thinker, you might even see it as making the whole world a nicer place. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Joy:Cost Ratio

Posted on August 11, 2019 by RealityCheck

There’s a little guy who occasionally passes by my office door. Whenever he does, he exclaims, “I’ve got my thinking cat on!”
It’s adorable. No matter how busy or stressed or distracted I am, I get pure joy for those few seconds when he’s out there.
Here’s the context. Our building has a daycare; thus little people occasionally pass by my office. On the bulletin board outside my office, I have a picture of a sad-looking dog with a cat sitting on his head. The caption: I’ve got my thinking cat on. You probably have to see it to fully appreciate it. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Upsides and Downsides

Posted on August 3, 2019 by RealityCheck

Is there such a thing as too much optimism? Does optimism have a downside?
My general belief is that there are upsides and downsides for most everything. Thus the process of making choices is pretty simple, in theory anyway. All you need to do is figure out the upsides and downsides of a choice, weigh them, and then choose the path that makes sense based on what matters most to you.
It sounds like a nice, sensible process. Yet, in reality, we often have a problem with figuring out those upsides and downsides. We may not have all the facts or know how to get them, and when we do, how do we know they’re true?
For example, is coffee still good for us? Is milk bad now? Maybe we should just drink wine. (Please don’t take that as advice. I’m mostly joking.)
Besides, who has the time to work all this out? We could spend every waking hour trying to avoid making mistakes in even minor decisions. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What does your mind rest upon?

Posted on July 27, 2019 by RealityCheck

Dr. Rick Hanson writes a regular email newsletter called Just One Thing, subtitled, “Simple practices for resilient happiness.”
In a recent publication, he said, “There is a traditional saying that the mind takes its shape from what it rests upon.”
To say “the mind takes its shape” brings the interesting implication that the mind can change in fundamental ways. If so, then if we control what our mind rests upon, we also control the “shape” of our mind.
Where does your mind go when it’s at rest? For example, if you lift your eyes away from this column and let your mind wander for a moment, where does it go? What pops up? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Things People Say

Posted on July 21, 2019 by RealityCheck

Everybody’s heard about Treena’s embarrassing situation. At least, that’s her perception. Her boss, neighbours, relatives, friends, and acquaintances know that she did something bad and was caught.
It was even in the paper, ensuring that every single person knows it. She is sure she’ll never get her reputation back.
Treena knows and accepts that what she did was wrong. She had other, better choices. She just didn’t think things through. Continue reading →

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