Reality Check: The Urge to Justify

Posted on December 1, 2019 by RealityCheck

Most of us have been on the receiving end of criticism at some point. If that’s you, then you may also be familiar with the urge to respond by justifying your actions.
Criticism sometimes comes from the people closest to us: our friends, family, or other people who know us really well.
However, it seems that the opportunities to criticize have expanded with the expansion of social media. The online environment enables those who are inclined to criticize to put their comments out there without ever coming face-to-face.
Perhaps you’ve received critical comments from people you barely know who find fault with something you’ve posted on facebook. If so, you know what I’m talking about. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choosing Hope

Posted on November 25, 2019 by RealityCheck

When you consider the future, do you see better days ahead? Or are you more likely to think, “Things are going downhill fast”?
Attitude matters. There’s almost a sense of virtue that’s associated with choosing to adopt a positive attitude in the face of troubles. We can overcome; stretch ourselves; dig deep; convince ourselves, “Yes, I can!”
We admire people who overcome obstacles through persistence and positive attitude.
Hope matters, too. It’s one thing to say, “I can buck up and convince myself to develop a positive attitude.” But if it’s a loss of hope that you’re feeling, you may also feel like it’s out of your control. Your wish for hope may not respond to your willpower and determination. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Play and Learn

Posted on November 17, 2019 by RealityCheck

In Choice Theory, Dr. Glasser connects learning with the human need for fun. He described fun as the reward that we get when we learn something. Think about the joy of figuring something out for the first time. It’s delightful to realize we have learned; that we can now do something that we couldn’t do before.
Glasser suggests that we are descended from ancestors who were able to adapt and learn. Learning provides a survival advantage.
Those who didn’t learn from the helpful cues in their environment that indicated danger, food sources, or companionship were perhaps not so likely to procreate as those who were more effective learners.
The ability to learn continues to provide advantages today. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Holding on to Your Keys

Posted on November 10, 2019 by RealityCheck

Of the clever book titles I’ve found, “People Can’t Drive You Crazy If You Don’t Give Them The Keys” by Dr. Mike Bechtle is among the catchiest.
Bechtle clearly identifies that there are some things we can change and other things that we can’t. The fact that he titled a chapter, “Stop Yelling at the Toaster Oven” will give you a general idea of his suggestions. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To Change Ourselves

Posted on November 3, 2019 by RealityCheck

There must be thousands of personality tests available on websites, magazines, and facebook. Some people think they’re silly, but plenty of others like them. People like to learn about themselves, and many also have a wish along the lines of, “I’d like to be different somehow.”
Is there, somewhere, a magical test that could finally explain you to yourself? Maybe. Or, perhaps you could come up with your answers by putting some thought into what, exactly, you want to be different. Continue reading →

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Love in Action

Posted on October 27, 2019 by RealityCheck

Different people want different things. It’s a good thing too, isn’t it? Otherwise, we’d all want the same house, the same job, the same cat, and…the same mate.
Some folks believe that somewhere out there is a perfect partner, made for them. I don’t know whether that’s true or not.
However, I do believe that pairing up is helpful. Dr. Glasser’s choice theory says love and belonging as one of our basic needs, and a strong pair bond can go a long way toward satisfying that need. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Art of Asking Questions

Posted on October 20, 2019 by RealityCheck

When someone asks you a question, it’s a great feeling to be able to answer with confidence and competence. The ability to answer questions is a useful skill.
Another skill that’s just as valuable is the ability to ask questions. Asking the right question, at the right time, of the right person is something of an art!
We can learn so much through our questions, especially when we listen carefully to the answers. But figuring out what questions we can ask that will reveal helpful answers takes skill. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Essence of Home

Posted on October 12, 2019 by RealityCheck

What makes a house a home? You’ve seen the decorative signs that say home is where the heart is or that love makes a house a home. What does that really mean?
Feeling that we are loved is one of the basic needs that Dr. Glasser identified in Choice Theory. We want to feel that we belong to a group that matters to us.
You might be satisfied with belonging to a group that has just one other person. Or maybe you need more people—a family group, work group, church group, or social group—to feel that you belong.
Is that feeling of belonging enough to feel that you have a home? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: How Can You Tell Whether It’s A Good Relationship?

Posted on October 6, 2019 by RealityCheck

Choice theory emphasizes self-evaluation. As the word implies, to self-evaluate is to evaluate, for yourself, how well something is working. To self-evaluate, you consider what you want, compare it to the reality, and then determine how well they match.
It’s a simple idea. You might even consider it common sense!
However, sometimes we choose not to self-evaluate, but rather to go along with the evaluations of others. Why?
Perhaps we aren’t confident in our ability to determine whether something is working. Or, maybe someone expresses their opinion so assertively that we doubt our own ears and eyes. Or perhaps we just don’t have enough information.
The self-evaluation concept is really powerful, because it puts the determination in your own hands. You don’t need to go anywhere else. You examine your own needs, perceptions, and situation to see what’s doing you good or doing you harm. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Mind Reader

Posted on September 28, 2019 by RealityCheck

Would you like to read minds? When someone looks you in the eye and tells you a tale, do you wonder, “What are they really thinking?”
On the one hand, the ability to read minds sounds great. You’d never be lied to (or at least, you’d know when it happens.)There would be no secrets. You’d know what your children, your boss, your teacher and your friends really think. Not to mention your spouse!
That brings us to a downside of mind-reading—there’d be no secrets. That’s a double-edged sword, isn’t it? Do we really want to know what people are thinking at all times? Continue reading →

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