Reality Check: Choosing Your Advisors

Posted on December 22, 2019 by RealityCheck

Whether we ask for it or not, we are often on the receiving end of advice. For example, when your mother-in-law tells you that you should have put your snow tires on two weeks ago, you might not have identified that as advice. Yet there it is, whether you wanted it or not.
We can choose what to do with unsolicited advice. In some cases, we might determine that it’s valuable, so we act on it. Other cases, we ignore it. Sometimes, when unhelpful advice is offered by someone we care about, we might nod pleasantly and file it away in the spot in our brains labeled, “I’ll never need this again.”
Perhaps the most unhelpful response to unwanted advice is when we choose anger. When we perceive that advice is an attempt to control, it can be easy to take umbrage and think, “How dare you! I don’t need your help!” That doesn’t do much for keeping relationships together, and if the advice was offered in a genuinely helpful spirit, it can give rise to confusion and hurt feelings. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What we say; What they hear

Posted on December 15, 2019 by RealityCheck

Have you ever walked away from a conversation shaking your head and wondering, “What was that all about?” Do you ever perceive that people you talk to are overly sensitive, resentful, or easily offended?
Having a conversation that’s a true exchange of information can be more complicated than we think. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Recognizing Our Gifts

Posted on December 7, 2019 by RealityCheck

We are free to give gifts at any time of the year. However, whether because of social convention, family expectations, or faith-based convictions, gift-giving is more extensive at this time of year.
Some folks find the whole gift-giving process stressful. For one thing, there’s the reality that purchasing gifts can create financial strain. Another issue for many is a concern that if they don’t choose well—if the person who receives the gift doesn’t like it or feels slighted by it—then they might end up creating bad feelings in the relationship rather than enhancing it with joy and good will. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Urge to Justify

Posted on December 1, 2019 by RealityCheck

Most of us have been on the receiving end of criticism at some point. If that’s you, then you may also be familiar with the urge to respond by justifying your actions.
Criticism sometimes comes from the people closest to us: our friends, family, or other people who know us really well.
However, it seems that the opportunities to criticize have expanded with the expansion of social media. The online environment enables those who are inclined to criticize to put their comments out there without ever coming face-to-face.
Perhaps you’ve received critical comments from people you barely know who find fault with something you’ve posted on facebook. If so, you know what I’m talking about. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choosing Hope

Posted on November 25, 2019 by RealityCheck

When you consider the future, do you see better days ahead? Or are you more likely to think, “Things are going downhill fast”?
Attitude matters. There’s almost a sense of virtue that’s associated with choosing to adopt a positive attitude in the face of troubles. We can overcome; stretch ourselves; dig deep; convince ourselves, “Yes, I can!”
We admire people who overcome obstacles through persistence and positive attitude.
Hope matters, too. It’s one thing to say, “I can buck up and convince myself to develop a positive attitude.” But if it’s a loss of hope that you’re feeling, you may also feel like it’s out of your control. Your wish for hope may not respond to your willpower and determination. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Play and Learn

Posted on November 17, 2019 by RealityCheck

In Choice Theory, Dr. Glasser connects learning with the human need for fun. He described fun as the reward that we get when we learn something. Think about the joy of figuring something out for the first time. It’s delightful to realize we have learned; that we can now do something that we couldn’t do before.
Glasser suggests that we are descended from ancestors who were able to adapt and learn. Learning provides a survival advantage.
Those who didn’t learn from the helpful cues in their environment that indicated danger, food sources, or companionship were perhaps not so likely to procreate as those who were more effective learners.
The ability to learn continues to provide advantages today. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Holding on to Your Keys

Posted on November 10, 2019 by RealityCheck

Of the clever book titles I’ve found, “People Can’t Drive You Crazy If You Don’t Give Them The Keys” by Dr. Mike Bechtle is among the catchiest.
Bechtle clearly identifies that there are some things we can change and other things that we can’t. The fact that he titled a chapter, “Stop Yelling at the Toaster Oven” will give you a general idea of his suggestions. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To Change Ourselves

Posted on November 3, 2019 by RealityCheck

There must be thousands of personality tests available on websites, magazines, and facebook. Some people think they’re silly, but plenty of others like them. People like to learn about themselves, and many also have a wish along the lines of, “I’d like to be different somehow.”
Is there, somewhere, a magical test that could finally explain you to yourself? Maybe. Or, perhaps you could come up with your answers by putting some thought into what, exactly, you want to be different. Continue reading →

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Love in Action

Posted on October 27, 2019 by RealityCheck

Different people want different things. It’s a good thing too, isn’t it? Otherwise, we’d all want the same house, the same job, the same cat, and…the same mate.
Some folks believe that somewhere out there is a perfect partner, made for them. I don’t know whether that’s true or not.
However, I do believe that pairing up is helpful. Dr. Glasser’s choice theory says love and belonging as one of our basic needs, and a strong pair bond can go a long way toward satisfying that need. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Art of Asking Questions

Posted on October 20, 2019 by RealityCheck

When someone asks you a question, it’s a great feeling to be able to answer with confidence and competence. The ability to answer questions is a useful skill.
Another skill that’s just as valuable is the ability to ask questions. Asking the right question, at the right time, of the right person is something of an art!
We can learn so much through our questions, especially when we listen carefully to the answers. But figuring out what questions we can ask that will reveal helpful answers takes skill. Continue reading →

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