What does it mean to be happy? Is it selfish to want to be happy? Do some people seek happiness in a bad way? Is there a formula for happiness?
So many questions; so few answers. But as we come to the end of this strange year, it seems appropriate to revisit fundamental questions about happiness. Continue reading
With limitations on visiting people, how we handle our conversations may matter even more now than during normal times. Why?
When we can’t talk face to face, we can’t see expressions or body language. It’s harder to distinguish between a playful joke and an insult; a genuine question from sarcasm. Even a video conversation is not quite the same as being in the same room, is it?
However, we’re accustomed to using phones, emails, texts, and other communications. What’s different now?
Could it be that when a misunderstanding does come up, we’re less able to say, “Let’s meet for coffee and talk about it”? Continue reading
In “Choice Theory,” Dr. Glasser tells the story of a mother who is travelling with her infant. The baby screams through the whole three-hour flight. Mom tries everything she can think of; nothing helps.
You can probably understand why the mother announced to everyone on the plane near the end of the trip, “This has been a flight from hell.”
As we near the end of 2020, I have a feeling that more than a few folks are thinking, “This has been a year from hell!” Continue reading
When you think of bribery (if you ever do) what comes to mind? Scenes of brown paper bags stuffed with cash, surreptitiously dropped into the hands of corrupt, powerful people?
In his book, “Take Charge of Your Life,” Dr. Glasser refers to seven deadly habits that destroy relationships. The last habit in his list is, “Bribing or rewarding to control.”
What might that mean? Is it, “If you do something I want, then you will get a reward”? Could it also include, “If you don’t do something I want; then you will be punished”?
Looking around, it seems that we could interpret a lot of what happens in everyday life as “bribery.” Many of us try to get people to do what we want them to do. It’s not necessarily because we’re evil, but because we have a belief that we know what’s best.
And when we are convinced that we know what’s best, it’s not too easy to change Continue reading
People do the strangest things, don’t they? Sometimes you shake your head in disbelief.
Yet for any of us, I suspect that there are times when an observer would think our own actions quite irrational. An observer can only see what we do and hear what we say; they don’t know the thoughts in our heads or the emotions of our hearts. That is, an observer doesn’t have the whole story.
When we see someone acting in a way that seems illogical to us, it can help if we have a reasonable answer to the question, “Why would he/she do that?” Continue reading
Gratitude helps.
When we shift our outlook to one of gratitude, that shift may also help to move us toward a more satisfying, and indeed, a more grateful life. Adopting an “attitude of gratitude” also helps to make life more pleasant for those around us.
Even in these troubled pandemic times, there is still so much to be grateful for.
But what if you find it difficult to feel grateful, even though you know you “should”? There’s an aspect of Dr. Glasser’s choice theory that just might help. Continue reading
Do you ever deliberately seek out information that you think you’ll disagree with? If so, why?
One reason could be curiosity: to see what “the other side” is thinking. Another reason could be to try to reduce the effect of confirmation bias on our viewpoints.
Confirmation bias involves looking only for information that confirms what we already believe. For example, let’s say that I believe that having a pet improves health and well-being. I’ll want to do some research on that, so I talk to people.
If I only talk to people who share my belief, I’ll become even more convinced that it’s correct. They confirm what I already “know;” obviously anyone who doesn’t share this belief is wrong. How can there be skeptics when everyone we know agrees with us? Continue reading
How do you feel about this statement: “If I can’t do something perfectly, I may as well not do it at all”?
While different people have different attitudes toward perfection, there are some situations where perfect accomplishment is what we want. For example, if I can choose between a perfectionist and her “win-some, lose-some” colleague, then I would like the perfectionist for my brain surgeon, please.
On the other hand, if I’m paying by the hour to have my firewood stacked, I could be quite happy with an imperfect pile, as long as it doesn’t fall over and saves me some money. Continue reading
Many of us have daily rituals. Some folks check their horoscope, check facebook, or listen to the birthday greetings on the radio. I have my coffee; check my email, and read today’s quote from my book of Stephen Covey’s daily quotes.
Covey is famous for writing First Things First and The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. What I’ve taken away from Covey’s philosophy is that to build a satisfying life, we need to think about what’s important to us and direct our attention toward those priorities.
When we have that clarity, we tend to spend more of our time on activities that will help us achieve what really matters. And, it reduces the amount of time we fritter away doing things that don’t lead us much of anywhere.
Because we’re now living in a pandemic-stricken world where some are feeling anxious and uncertain, this recent quote from Covey stood out for me:
“Much of our frustration and anxiety comes from the feeling of being unprepared. Many activities become urgent as a result of lack of proper preparation.”
What does it take to feel prepared? Continue reading
