Reality Check: What makes a great day?

Posted on July 5, 2020 by RealityCheck

Do you believe that you can create the life you want to live?
Occasionally throughout the years, I’ve offered a workshop called “Creating the Life You Want to Live.” The title pretty much gives away my opinion on the question, doesn’t it?
It’s not that I believe that everyone has the opportunity to simply “create” a pie-in-the-sky perfect life. However, sometimes we have more choices available than we realize. Small decisions that we make every day ultimately influence whether we live a life that’s largely satisfying for us. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Commencement

Posted on June 28, 2020 by RealityCheck

It’s graduation season! Congratulations to all of the graduates who are about to embark on a new phase in your lives.
Perhaps this isn’t graduation time for you. Maybe it’s been a long time since you’ve felt like you’ve had a significant accomplishment. In fact, just carrying on with regular life right now might seem challenging enough.
Regardless, today is as good a time as any to think about new beginnings; you might call it a commencement. What sentiments come up at commencement ceremonies?
Commencement is a great time to look at where we are, to appreciate the people who have supported and encouraged us along the way, and to focus on where we want to go. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When Kids Get Scared

Posted on June 21, 2020 by RealityCheck

Choice Theory and Reality Therapy has touched people all around the world. The pandemic has also touched people all over the world, mentally as well as physically. Understanding Choice Theory could be more helpful now than ever.
In Australia some years ago, psychologist and author Ivan Honey developed a helpful kit called Cars ‘R Us. Based on Choice Theory, it helps parents, teachers, and kids better understand themselves and others. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Tension

Posted on June 14, 2020 by RealityCheck

In his book, Counseling with Choice Theory, Dr. Wm. Glasser describes his first meeting with a guy he calls Jerry. When Jerry walked into Glasser’s office for their first session, he avoided walking on the lines in the carpet. Then Jerry straightened the pictures on Glasser’s office walls, and chose a more uncomfortable chair than the one that was obviously meant for him.
People use various labels to describe those types of actions. Labels aside, at the least, we’d likely see that behaviour as unusual and probably unhelpful for Jerry. This isn’t bringing joy to Jerry, nor is it helping him make and keep friends. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Doing the Hard Thing

Posted on June 7, 2020 by RealityCheck

“I don’t even know why I am doing this.”
My friend, who we’ll call Julie for this little story, had hit a rough spot on her way toward a goal that’s important to her.
Because I’m a loyal friend with a pretty good memory, I was able to remind Julie of why she was doing this. Julie had taken on this task because it is a step toward achieving a bigger goal. I just helped refresh her memory—to see that big picture again.
Then, it was ok. Julie regained perspective. She could see how small this current challenge is when put in the context of the big picture. She got a little help with the task and now she’s back on track; once again enthusiastic, reinvigorated, and closer to her goal. It’s all good.
Whenever we do something difficult, there’s a pretty good chance that we’ll run into a rough patch along the way. To maintain perspective, it helps to keep our big goal in mind. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Goals and the Posts That Define Them

Posted on May 31, 2020 by RealityCheck

The Reality Therapy approach, as structured by Dr. Robert Wubbolding, starts with a fundamental question: “What do you want?”
For many, those wants include benefits for others. For example, I want career success for people I’ve worked with. There’s a troubled relationship that I’d like to see positively resolved for the kids. And I really want to see my friend’s cancer cured too, thank you.
Unfortunately, that list is of things over which I have no control. We do, however, have control over many of our wants, even when it’s not obvious to us. One helpful step toward figuring out our scope of control is to clearly define our wants.
For example, someone may say, “I want to be happy,” or “I want to be safe.” Those are understandable wants. However, what do they mean? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Connecting with others

Posted on May 24, 2020 by RealityCheck

Have you noticed changes in your relationships over these past few weeks? With the requirements and warnings to stay away from people—to literally isolate ourselves—we’re no longer getting together for in-person gatherings.
Perhaps you’re accustomed to dropping in for a quick visit with friends or family. Maybe you like to attend community events. That’s all off the table for now, and it could be for some time to come.
We also traditionally gather to mark significant changes in people’s lives: births, deaths, birthdays, graduations, weddings and more. All those gatherings signify turning points in people’s lives.
What do we do when we gather at those events? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Value of Work

Posted on May 17, 2020 by RealityCheck

Work and workplaces have changed over the past weeks. Some changes are dramatic, with workplaces completely shut down. Other workplaces carry on with relatively minor changes. Whether it’s your work that’s affected, or it’s your experience as a consumer, I’m sure you’ve noticed the changes. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Adaptability and Optimism

Posted on May 3, 2020 by RealityCheck

A commentator on morning radio recently said, “The world needs a dose of optimism now.” Maybe that’s true. Optimism can help us turn around, look up, and find hope again.
Are you a natural optimist? Some people seem to be. They can respond to almost any event from a “glass half full” perspective and extract any possible positives from it.
For others, optimism doesn’t come so naturally. We have to really work at it to find an upside, especially for difficult events. We immediately see potential downsides—everything that can possibly go wrong. Risks just speak to us.
There are benefits, of course, to both outlooks. The cheerful optimists might forget to guard against dangers, while the pessimists can’t even see the sun shine without remembering that soon it will be nightfall. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Managing our Personal Resources

Posted on April 26, 2020 by RealityCheck

Some folks are choosing to use the current disruption in their lives as an opportunity to reassess what’s important. That is, they are reassessing how they are using their personal resources.
Every one of us has personal resources, even though we might not always think of them as such. What resources? Money might be the first to come to mind, but there’s also time and relationships.
If we don’t set our priorities, they set themselves by default. Demands pop up; we automatically respond. We can end up spending a lot of our lives in activities that serve little or no satisfying purpose. Continue reading →

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