Reality Check: The “En” and “Dis” of Courage

Posted on July 17, 2022 by RealityCheck

In Take Charge of Your Life, Dr. William Glasser lists seven relationship-building habits. One of those habits—encouragement—has popped up in these columns numerous times over the years.
Notice how “en-courage” and “dis-courage” both involve “courage.” One increases courage; the other decreases courage.
You might picture courage as fire fighters entering burning buildings or police running toward the sound of shooting. Fortunately, life is not all burning buildings and gunfights. While other situations may not require those levels of courage, ordinary events can require courage too. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A Change of Mind

Posted on July 10, 2022 by RealityCheck

Like me, I suspect that you sometimes change your mind about small things. For example, you were going to have chicken but Johnny said, “The fish is really good here,” so you changed your mind. Johnny’s comment is new information. Sometimes we choose to act on new information by making a change.
We’re not likely to get upset with Johnny for offering his opinion of the fish. We might agree, disagree, or ignore. But how about when Johnny expresses an opinion that challenges a closely held belief? Examples could include politics, religion, social justice, relationships, even life and death. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Effect of Small Encouragements

Posted on July 3, 2022 by RealityCheck

Vera is a seasoned citizen, and like every other grown-up, she’s becoming more seasoned by the day! Because she wants this phase of her life be as positive and productive as possible, she’s adopted various practices. Her plan is to do what she can to reduce the downsides and enhance the upsides of growing older.
I suspect that we all know what activities help and what hinders healthy aging. But knowing is not the same as doing, is it? Vera is keen on doing. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The State of Stuck

Posted on June 27, 2022 by RealityCheck

When you’re thinking about places you’d like to visit, I suspect that the State of Stuck isn’t on your list. For one thing, it’s not even a place; it’s a state of mind.
What I’m calling the State of Stuck is the nagging frustration that comes with believing we’re not making progress. Some of us spend uncomfortably long periods of time there.
If you are not familiar with this state, then please happily carry on with your life. This discussion is for folks who know very well how it feels to be stuck and who would like to start moving. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Auto-Pilot and Conscious Choices

Posted on June 19, 2022 by RealityCheck

The traffic light turns red. We stop. Well, most of us do, anyway.
Did the traffic light make us stop? Not really. We could have gone sailing through, possibly causing injury and mayhem. But we choose not to do that because we know the rule—Stop on a red light. We don’t even think about it; it’s as if we’re operating on auto-pilot. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Sharp Edge

Posted on June 12, 2022 by RealityCheck

Criticism is a double-edged sword, and that sword can have one very sharp edge. I say it’s “double-edged,” because some criticism may be intended to be helpful (referred to as “constructive criticism.”) More likely, however, criticism results in hurt rather than help.
Criticism that is delivered with genuinely helpful intent might be better referred to as feedback. Honest, useful feedback gives us information. It’s essential if we are to learn and grow, but it’s different from criticism.
Dr. William Glasser lists criticism as one of the seven deadly habits for relationships, and he’s not alone. Way back in the 1930’s, Dale Carnegie identified criticism as a barrier to “winning friends and influencing people.”
However, people will still criticize. Sooner or later, both you and I will find ourselves on the receiving end. What do we do then? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Fables and Values

Posted on June 5, 2022 by RealityCheck

What values guide your life? Where did your values come from?
When I refer to values, I’m thinking of qualities such as loyalty, trustworthiness, prudence, generosity, perseverance, compassion, respect, work. There are many more.
My curiosity about values was inspired by a recent conversation with a woman I’ll call Jo. She’d witnessed an acquaintance being unnecessarily rude to a stranger. Jo said, “You don’t treat people like that! At least, that’s not how I was brought up.”
I share Jo’s value of respectful treatment, whether it’s toward strangers, friends, the powerful or the powerless. But values-based choices aren’t always so cut and dried. Our values can sometimes lead to conflict, even within ourselves. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Step by Step

Posted on May 29, 2022 by RealityCheck

Different people like different things. One clear example is in food preparation. Some people love recipes; others hate recipes. Some of us like to follow procedures; others don’t.
If you like procedures, then you might like Dr. Bob Wubbolding’s four-step Reality Therapy procedure. He calls it WDEP: Want, Doing, Evaluate, and Plan.
The four steps are deceptively simple. I remember my first reaction when I learned the process—it seemed simplistic and impractical for real problems. I was mistaken. The four steps have proven useful in my own problem-solving and as suggestions for others. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Running for the Roses

Posted on May 23, 2022 by RealityCheck

It’s extraordinary when a little guy—an outsider—unexpectedly wins a big event. This year’s Kentucky Derby was notable for exactly that: a huge 80-1 win by Rich Strike, a horse that just the day before didn’t look like he was going to get to run the race at all.
The race didn’t spark much interest for me until I happened to see a background story. Turns out that tragedy had struck the trainer, Eric Reed, a few years back. He’d lost a number of horses in a barn fire. Animal lovers know that losing an animal in the best of circumstances is difficult enough. That kind of loss must have been devastating.
We sometimes interpret events as having broader meanings— “they’re telling us something.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Patience and Purpose

Posted on May 15, 2022 by RealityCheck

“Your call is important to us.” While waiting on the phone, listening to horrible music occasionally interrupted by that non-reassuring message, I had the gift of time to think about patience.
You may have opportunities to think about patience, too. For example, if you’d like to build something, you are probably waiting—for supplies, for people, for call-backs. Perhaps you have a need for health services. That often entails waiting, doesn’t it? Or maybe you are sitting in front of a computer screen, watching that blue circle go round and round. Waiting.
We can wait patiently. Or impatiently. Continue reading →

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