Reality Check: Opinions, Beliefs, and Relationships

Posted on February 27, 2022 by RealityCheck

Do you base your opinions on facts? Science? Data? Common Sense? Of course you do. So do I. So, how can it be that we have different opinions about important things?
It’s easy enough to accept that we have different opinions about music, food, or who makes the best pickup trucks. That’s individual taste. It’s ok if I have fries instead of the sushi that my friend enjoys. He might consider me unsophisticated (probably correctly) but we aren’t going to fight about it. To each his own.
However, some differences cause real suffering in relationships. Pre-pandemic, we might not have thought of discussing even strongly held beliefs. It went without saying that anyone with “common sense” agrees with us, or so we thought. Continue reading →

Posted in Develop Understanding | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Opinions, Beliefs, and Relationships

Reality Check: Trapped by Thoughts? Here’s a Suggestion

Posted on February 20, 2022 by RealityCheck

No time to think? Feel that you can’t stop what you’re doing for one minute? People are depending on you. Things must be done; we can think later. If that’s your perception, you know it’s hard to stop, step back and see the big picture.
Others, however, have the opposite perception. They have too much time to think. And think. And think some more.
That would be wonderful, you may be thinking! If only I had too much time to think.
Perhaps. But whether the situation is satisfying or unsatisfying depends on what you are thinking about, doesn’t it?
For some, their thoughts don’t bring clarity, peace, or help them decide what to do. They might be thoughts of mistakes, regrets, hurts, worries, or wishes for things to be different. The range of unhappy thoughts is wide indeed. Continue reading →

Posted in Doing, Thinking, Feeling, Physiology | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Trapped by Thoughts? Here’s a Suggestion

Reality Check: To Fill a Caring Gap

Posted on February 13, 2022 by RealityCheck

When we’re not able to satisfy our basic needs, we’re unhappy. So I proposed examining our needs. Find out whether our needs are being met. If not, where are the gaps?
You may be thinking, it’s all well and good to learn that a need is going unsatisfied. Now I know why I’m unhappy! But what can I do about it?
According to Dr. William Glasser, there are five basic needs. We’ll focus on just one of them—the need for love and belonging. Because people often associate love exclusively with romantic love, I’ll instead look at it as a need for “caring and belonging.” Continue reading →

Posted in Belonging | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: To Fill a Caring Gap

Reality Check: What’s your outlook for today?

Posted on February 6, 2022 by RealityCheck

How are you doing today? We ask and answer that question so many times in our lives—at home, at work, with friends, in casual conversations. Often it’s a throwaway question; just a way of saying something to be polite. However, there are other times when it’s a real question; one where there is genuine interest in the answer.
So I’ll ask again. “How are you doing today?” Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Perspective | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: What’s your outlook for today?

Reality Check: Past and Future Worries

Posted on January 31, 2022 by RealityCheck

“One trip through the misery is more than enough for most people.” That’s a quote from Dr. Wm. Glasser where he discusses the value—or lack of value—of dwelling on past miseries.
The past is over. We can’t change what we did, nor can we change what anyone else did. We could revisit the past and relive the misery, regret, resentment, or anger, but is it useful? We can only act in the present.
However, this is not to dismiss the value of learning from experience. Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Perspective | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Past and Future Worries

Reality Check: More Alike Than Different

Posted on January 24, 2022 by RealityCheck

In his bestseller, “All Things Being Equal,” author John Mighton proposes that widespread math competence could be the key to a better, more just world. What’s your reaction to that? I’m guessing that it might be anywhere from, “Yes, obviously!” to “You have to be kidding me!”
The question of whether math is, or is not, the route to making everything better may have never crossed your mind, nor might it seem relevant to our everyday lives. But there’s a comment in Mighton’s book that I found particularly thought-provoking and I think that you might find it interesting too.
On the topic of learning styles—that is, whether different people need to be taught in different ways—Mighton refers to a guiding principle by Daniel Willingham. The principle is: “Students are more alike than different.” Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Perspective | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: More Alike Than Different

Reality Check: A New Year; A New System

Posted on January 17, 2022 by RealityCheck

It’s understandable that New Year’s resolutions get a bad rap. The inevitable February stories of people who’ve abandoned their resolutions sends a message of, “Why bother?”
Regardless of the time of year, however, it’s worthwhile to think about what you want and then do the work required to achieve it. Accomplishment feels good. It helps to give us a sense of purpose and autonomy. We’re more satisfied if we have some control over our destiny rather than believing we are at the mercy of events and other people.
Plus, a goal (or resolution, if you prefer) is usually something positive. Few people set resolutions of, “I resolve to be a less healthy, lazier and more unpleasant person.” Goals tend to be something to aspire to; they build rather than tear down. Continue reading →

Posted in Control and Choice | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: A New Year; A New System

Reality Check: A Spirit of Hope

Posted on January 9, 2022 by RealityCheck

“Work without Hope draws nectar in a sieve.” If you are a poetry fan, then you may know this poem by Samuel Taylor Coleridge entitled, “Work without Hope.”
Work is more satisfying when it comes with the hope that you are working toward a valuable result. When you know that the product you are making or the services that you are providing have value, it’s easier to be enthusiastic and engaged.
A friend had recently reminded me of the poem and extended the sentiment to “Life without hope…” To thrive, we seem to need a sense of hope. That includes work but it’s not limited to work. Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Perspective | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: A Spirit of Hope

Reality Check: The Pep Talk

Posted on January 3, 2022 by RealityCheck

Could you use a pep talk? When you look around, does it seem that everyone is in festive spirits but you?
Whether you are having life-changing struggles or just feeling vaguely uneasy, you may have days when it’s hard to pick ourselves up, deliberately put on a smile and face the world with positivity. When we’re in that down state, it could be helpful to hear a “pep talk.” Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Perspective | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: The Pep Talk

Reality Check: A Real Gift

Posted on December 26, 2021 by RealityCheck

Gift-giving is top of mind for many people at this time of year. While the unusual circumstances of the last two years may have changed some perspectives about what is important, gift purchases are still common. We buy products or services to show that we care.
The past few years have also brought disputes for some people. I know that we will always have conflicts, but it seems to me that some conflicts have taken on a sharper edge since the pandemic. (Please let me know if you think that I am mistaken.) There are disputes over real science vs. mistaken science, over safety, over freedom, and especially over, “Where is this all leading us?” Continue reading →

Posted in Relationships | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: A Real Gift