Reality Check: The Quest For What You Want

Posted on August 6, 2023 by RealityCheck

What do you want? Is that a question worth thinking about? Some believe it’s selfish to think about what we want. Others see it as futile; if you believe you can’t get what you want, why bother asking?
Yet “wants” play an important role in our lives. In the Reality Therapy process called WDEP, that very first letter, W, stands for wants. What we want is connected to what we value, including the people and principles we care about. Wants are not just about things. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Do You Have a Happiness Sweet Spot?

Posted on July 23, 2023 by RealityCheck

When Goldilocks visited the three bears, she did a couple of experiments before she found the bowl of porridge that was not too hot and not too cold. She looked for the “just right” sweet spot for porridge.
The idea of a sweet spot isn’t limited to fairy tales though. Among his suggestions for maximizing happiness, Dr. Gad Saad specifically recommends seeking the sweet spot—that ideal position between extremes—for many areas in our lives.
Take stress, for example. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Does Time Fly?

Posted on July 16, 2023 by RealityCheck

Wow! It’s mid-summer already! How did that happen? It seems like just a few minutes ago, we were scraping snow off the walkways. Time goes so quickly, day after day, week upon week, with whole months, even years, flying by.
Even if individual days drag, it can still be startling to realize that we have reached this point in summer already.
Our sense of time is curious. Logically, we know that time continues in an orderly way. A second is a second, and a year is a year, no matter where you are in your life. So why would we perceive the passage of time differently at different times in our lives? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Which List Do You Keep?

Posted on July 9, 2023 by RealityCheck

As you’d expect from a person who writes lessons on happiness, Dr. Gad Saad looks like a pleasant man who has a positive attitude. It makes sense; I’m sure neither you nor I would be enthusiastic about buying books or taking happiness advice from someone who is grumpy and miserable.
Is he happy because of his personality? Maybe he just had an easy life! While Saad acknowledges that some of his positive attitude could come naturally, a comment about his background stood out for me. He says, “The list of personal setbacks is very long. So, I’m sure, is yours.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Unplanned Events That Change Our Lives

Posted on July 2, 2023 by RealityCheck

In my research on happiness, I came across a soon-to-be-released book titled “The Saad Truth About Happiness.” It’s by Gad Saad, professor of marketing at Concordia University in Montreal.
Saad’s happiness suggestions are clear and practical; I’ll write about them in a future column. But on my way toward learning Saad’s views on happiness, I got distracted by the story of how he met his wife. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Looking for Light in the Tunnel

Posted on June 25, 2023 by RealityCheck

A while back, an intriguing message landed in my Inbox. It began: “The world is increasingly designed to depress us. Happiness isn’t very good for the economy…”
My skeptical nature kicked in. Is that true? I wondered. It didn’t take long to find that the quote came from a book titled “Reasons to Stay Alive” by Matt Haig. It’s a collection of short chapters where Haig details his experience with depression and anxiety. His disclosures are both painful and hopeful. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Having Trouble Getting Started?

Posted on June 18, 2023 by RealityCheck

Wait, delay, and put it off.
For some people, procrastination is practically an identity, as in, “I’ve always been a procrastinator and that’s just who I am.” This is fine, until it’s not.
Putting off can ultimately result in poor decisions, when we’re rushed into a less-than-ideal situation because we’ve delayed till there’s no time left to think. Procrastination can cause misery. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When We Make A Change

Posted on June 11, 2023 by RealityCheck

The scenario outlined in my recent column on people-pleasing prompted comments from readers who agree—in that situation, it would be helpful if the people-pleaser made some changes.
When we’re in a relationship where one person attempts to control the other, changing our behaviour might improve things. We might become happier! The other person might be happier too, if they realize that they’ve been relieved of the burden of making sure that we’re behaving properly.
Even though “change what we’re doing” sounds like an obvious solution, changing is hard. It’s a venture into the unknown. What will happen? Will things be better or worse? We don’t know for sure. Even if we were sure that a change would help us, once we’ve built up a habit, it’s hard to break free of it. What will people think if we start acting differently? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Are You Afraid That You’re Missing Out?

Posted on June 4, 2023 by RealityCheck

The phrase “fear of missing out” is so well-known that it has its own acronym: FOMO. Don’t fret if you hadn’t heard that before. You didn’t miss out on anything. Not really.
However, if you’re a person who hates to miss out on a great deal, pitches like “Time Limited Offer!” and “Don’t Miss Out!” can be irresistible. The marketing folks know that, you know.
But we don’t need marketers to feed our fears of missing out. If you’re spending much time exploring other people’s lives, you may be doing it to yourself. How so? If you approach your exploration from a “missing out” mindset, what are you likely to see? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What We Want and What We Control

Posted on May 28, 2023 by RealityCheck

One of the structured processes used in Reality Therapy is known as WDEP, where the W stands for Wants. That is, the first step in the process is—Figure out what you want! You’d think that would be simple, wouldn’t you?
Some people have their wants perfectly clear in their minds. They can even find ways to go about achieving them. For others, it’s not always so straightforward. Why not?
We probably want more than one thing, and those wants don’t come with a guarantee that they are possible to achieve. For example, we may have wants for ourselves, such as “I want to be respected by my family,” or “I want to have a home of my own,” Or “I want to run a marathon.”
We might also have wants for other people, such as “I want my friend to be healed,” or “I want my son to find his true love” or “I want X and Y to get along better.” Continue reading →

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