Reality Check: Gifts and Earned Successes

Posted on November 13, 2022 by RealityCheck

For some folks, a favourite activity is comparing themselves with others. Who has the best car? The nicer house? The most friends on facebook? Keeping score can pass the time, but I don’t believe that it helps make one’s life more satisfying. Why?
Comparisons generally go one of two ways—you either feel smug because you are better off or you’re resentful because you are worse off.
If comparing doesn’t help, then what practices do contribute to a satisfying life? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Technology, For Better or Worse?

Posted on November 6, 2022 by RealityCheck

If you ever have conversations about “the way things are going,” it’s likely that the topic of technology has popped up.
Technology plays a big role in our lives. Even if you don’t use tech devices yourself, the fact that other people do can still have an impact on your life.
For the purpose of this column, I’m thinking specifically of the smartphone—that sweet little device that we can carry around in one hand, that enables us to talk, text, browse, take pictures, record conversations, and even play games. So much capability in such a small device!
My questions: “Does the smartphone help relationships or harm them? Does it bring us closer together or does it, in fact, separate us?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: How Can I Make This Work?

Posted on October 30, 2022 by RealityCheck

Let’s say you have a challenge in your life. Most of us do at some point; oftentimes, we have multiple challenges at the same time.
But for the sake of simplicity, let’s say we have just one challenge. I’ll use Paula’s story as an example. While based on a true situation, I have, of course, changed the details.
Paula’s sister, Lynn, has a chronic disease, a broken marriage, and financial difficulties. Paula would like to help. One practical response to the situation could be for Paula to move in with Lynn. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Would You Listen to Yourself?

Posted on October 23, 2022 by RealityCheck

For this post, I’ve chosen the headline, “Would you listen to yourself?” This simple question could be perceived quite differently by different people. What do you think it means?
Some folks would interpret it as an expression of exasperation. Even though it’s framed as a question, they hear judgement, even condemnation.
For example, Mom asks Sally how she plans to afford her apartment. When Sally responds with, “I’m going to be a movie star,” it’s conceivable that Mom would reply, “Would you listen to yourself?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Is it Overwork? Or Discouragement?

Posted on October 9, 2022 by RealityCheck

If you’re feeling dissatisfied, can you put your finger on the cause? It might be harder than you’d think.
For example, regardless of one’s stage in life, a common dissatisfaction is perceiving that one is overworked. Too much to do; too little time. Sound familiar?
Let’s take a look at two situations. In one case, you’re involved in an important cause with like-minded, enjoyable people. There’s an event coming up. You work non-stop. After the successful event, how do you feel? Perhaps physically tired, but satisfied by having met the goal. You may have even had some fun!
Contrast that with a situation where you are trudging away at a million tasks for people who never show appreciation. At the end of the day, how do you feel? Exhausted, frustrated, overworked?
What’s the difference? It’s not the amount of work, is it? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: May I Persuade You?

Posted on October 2, 2022 by RealityCheck

It would be difficult to ignore all of the persuasive messages that come into our lives, wouldn’t it? Many of those messages are focused on getting us to do something, often it’s to buy something.
Marketing ads have a clear purpose—they want to persuade us to trade our money for their product or service. I recently heard such an ad that I thought quite persuasive. I’ll describe it for you; you decide whether you find it persuasive, too.
The ad tells a story, and while I can’t remember exact details, it went something like this: Continue reading →

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Reality Check: For the Hundredth Time

Posted on September 25, 2022 by RealityCheck

Are you persistent? Or are you stubborn? It takes wisdom to tell the difference between that positive attribute (persistence) and the negative one (stubbornness, also known as pig-headedness!)
Let’s say we’re trying something new: perhaps it’s poetry-writing, cabinet-making, or Spanish-speaking. We start with great enthusiasm. Initially, we progress by leaps and bounds. If we happen to be a “natural” at this activity, it can feel like a signal: “I’m meant to be doing this.”
But what if we don’t make progress? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When Someone Wants to Pick a Fight

Posted on September 18, 2022 by RealityCheck

Do you know someone who wants to pick a fight? Perhaps there’s somebody in your family or at work who wants to argue. Some people enjoy a fight. But the fact that someone wants to fight with you doesn’t mean that you have to indulge them. You have choice.
Declining to fight can feel uncomfortable, especially if it’s new to you. But fighting is usually uncomfortable anyway, so it’s up to you to weigh which discomfort you’d rather live with in the long run. If the fight is making your life miserable and you don’t see how to avoid it, here are two suggestions. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: “Good Thing” Accountability

Posted on September 12, 2022 by RealityCheck

Accountability. We know it’s good for us. Yet, it sounds kind of naggy and judgey. Like, “You said you’d do this and now I’m holding you accountable. So ‘fess up; did you do what you said you would do?”
It’s not that accountability is bad. Having an accountability buddy—a friend who’ll remind us of our commitment—is helpful. If we want to exercise regularly, spend time studying or call mom every day, we’re more likely to follow through when we know we’ll need to account for what we’ve done or not done. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Overcoming Reach-Out Hesitancy

Posted on September 12, 2022 by RealityCheck

Even when our lives are going poorly, it’s still possible to feel satisfied if we have good connections with people.
Dr. Wm. Glasser refers to a basic need for love and belonging. While he suggests that the need is universal, the specifics of how we satisfy it can differ from person to person. Some need many close relationships; others need only one to satisfy this need.
However, if we consider only close relationships, we might dismiss the value of our casual connections. For example, we see people at work, school, in the neighbourhood or at social events. We often form friendships there, and while we share the joy of new babies and the sadness of deaths and illnesses, we don’t necessarily share heart-to-heart confidences. Maybe we hear a little news or gossip that brightens our day. Do those interactions make a difference in our lives?
My instinctive belief has been that they do matter. That was reinforced by a study recently published by the American Psychological Association (APA) titled, “The Surprise of Reaching Out: Appreciated More Than We Think.” Continue reading →

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