Reality Check: Body, Mind and Feelings

Posted on April 24, 2022 by RealityCheck

“You won’t gag if you hum.” This I learned from a dental professional. It’s true—you don’t even have to carry a tune! Who knew? This practical little trick reminds me of other connections between actions and physiology.
Dr. William Glasser defines “behaviour” a little differently than we usually do. He refers to “total behaviour” with four components: action, thought, feeling and physiology. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When Times Are Tough

Posted on April 18, 2022 by RealityCheck

At some point, I suspect that everyone faces a tough time. Your tough time could look quite different from my tough time. However, all of our tough times may have more in common than we’d think.
When something interferes with our ability to satisfy our basic needs, we experience frustration. For example, one basic need is survival. Illness or injury can put this fundamental need at risk. Other challenges, such as struggles with work, school, or finances might not sound as serious, but they could also be perceived as threatening our ability to survive. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Burden or Honour?

Posted on April 11, 2022 by RealityCheck

For some time, Carole has been caring for her mom, Beatrice. Carole is the logical caregiver; others have neither the skills nor the temperament to be able to effectively care for Beatrice.
Beatrice is what we might call “a character.” She is intelligent, sharp-witted, and critical when she perceives that something could be improved. As many things could be improved, Beatrice has plenty to say.
Beatrice also has fears—her health may deteriorate and she’ll become totally dependent on others. She fears uncertainty, too. How will things ultimately unfold? No one can say for sure. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Are you the only one?

Posted on April 3, 2022 by RealityCheck

Have you ever done something that you regret? Or avoided doing something that you now regret not doing? I have a feeling that most of us can answer yes to one or both of those questions.
Now, ask yourself: Do you believe that your regret is unique to you? That is, do you think that no one else has ever messed up as you have?
Regardless of your specific action (or lack of action), it must be kind of lonely if you believe that you are the only person who’s ever done something foolish. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Joy and the Sadness of Special Events

Posted on March 27, 2022 by RealityCheck

It’s been customary to mark special occurrences in our lives with events. We celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, graduations and other happy occasions. We also mark sad, difficult events with funerals and memorials.
So much has changed in just a few years. Restrictions made it impossible to celebrate or mourn as we used to do.
For some, that’s almost a relief. We don’t “have to” go to the bother of holding a big party for a happy occasion, nor do we “have to” go through the sadness associated with a large funeral. Years past, it would have seemed shocking to not have the customary gathering. Now, not only is it not expected, but some would perceive bringing people together as being irresponsible.
Does it matter whether we mark special days at all? That leads to another question: Do these events contribute to building relationships or not? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choosing Respect in Times of Turmoil

Posted on March 20, 2022 by RealityCheck

From your perspective, is the world in a state of turmoil? And if you do believe that these are unusually troubled times, does that belief affect how you live your life?
The world can seem very small. Communications that used to take days or weeks are now essentially instant. When something happens somewhere on the globe (especially something bad) we’re informed; right up to the minute. What’s the effect?
Anxiety is the response for some. People worry about the future—for themselves, family, friends. We are also concerned about the plight of others—even people we don’t know who are far from us. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Adapting, Changing, and Getting Along

Posted on March 14, 2022 by RealityCheck

Change. Does it seem to you that we’ve been experiencing constant change? Both the viral disease and responses to the threat of that disease have brought changes that affect millions of people.
Into this ever-changing environment now comes what? More change, of course. At the moment, the direction of change is toward loosening restrictions and enabling more freedom of choice.
Some people are happy about that direction; others are apprehensive. Therefore, the opportunities for conflict that we’ve had over recent years are not likely come to an end. How can people have such differing views of a situation? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Lost and Found

Posted on March 6, 2022 by RealityCheck

“So many people feel lost.” I read that comment recently and it’s stuck with me like a nagging thorn in my shoe.
Why? Perhaps it so succinctly expressed my perception. I have a haunting sense that many people—young and not-so-young—are feeling uncomfortably lost.
Each time period has its own flavour, I suppose. I’m no history buff, but my understanding is that the western world experienced a burst of prosperity after WWII. The basic needs that Dr. William Glasser speaks of: security, belonging, freedom, power, fun—anyone could strive to satisfy them (some more easily and successfully than others, of course.) Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Opinions, Beliefs, and Relationships

Posted on February 27, 2022 by RealityCheck

Do you base your opinions on facts? Science? Data? Common Sense? Of course you do. So do I. So, how can it be that we have different opinions about important things?
It’s easy enough to accept that we have different opinions about music, food, or who makes the best pickup trucks. That’s individual taste. It’s ok if I have fries instead of the sushi that my friend enjoys. He might consider me unsophisticated (probably correctly) but we aren’t going to fight about it. To each his own.
However, some differences cause real suffering in relationships. Pre-pandemic, we might not have thought of discussing even strongly held beliefs. It went without saying that anyone with “common sense” agrees with us, or so we thought. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Trapped by Thoughts? Here’s a Suggestion

Posted on February 20, 2022 by RealityCheck

No time to think? Feel that you can’t stop what you’re doing for one minute? People are depending on you. Things must be done; we can think later. If that’s your perception, you know it’s hard to stop, step back and see the big picture.
Others, however, have the opposite perception. They have too much time to think. And think. And think some more.
That would be wonderful, you may be thinking! If only I had too much time to think.
Perhaps. But whether the situation is satisfying or unsatisfying depends on what you are thinking about, doesn’t it?
For some, their thoughts don’t bring clarity, peace, or help them decide what to do. They might be thoughts of mistakes, regrets, hurts, worries, or wishes for things to be different. The range of unhappy thoughts is wide indeed. Continue reading →

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