Reality Check: Our Most Basic Needs

Posted on March 5, 2023 by RealityCheck

Are there more incidents of unhappiness now than ever before? The pandemic and the changes that accompanied it can certainly give that impression. There are plenty of stories. Some—about celebrities or strangers—appear in the media. But you may also be aware of unhappiness that involves people you know; unhappiness that hits closer to home.
Although I’m saying “unhappiness,” I’m thinking of a wide range of miseries. So many people—particularly young people—are fearful, sad, isolated, angry, and without hope.
This can’t be good. We need a level of satisfaction—even happiness—if we are to live purposeful, productive lives. Is the route to satisfaction a hidden path, only to be found by a lucky few who are especially privileged, or intelligent, or disciplined, or have some other magical quality? Or can anyone create a satisfying life for themselves? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Negotiating Differences in a Relationship

Posted on February 26, 2023 by RealityCheck

The seventh and final caring habit in Dr. Glasser’s list of caring habits is “always negotiating disagreements,” which I refer to as negotiating differences.
It might seem odd to think of negotiations when we’re talking about personal relationships. Negotiating sounds like something you do when you’re buying a house or dickering at a yard sale. We might negotiate a work schedule with a co-worker, or negotiate a dispute with a community member. But negotiate with a loved one? That sounds cold.
However, it’s not surprising that we would have differences within a close relationship. We’re not all the same. We won’t always agree on everything, no matter how beloved or close we are. Our differences don’t have to be a problem between us. How we handle them is the key. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Habit of Respect

Posted on February 19, 2023 by RealityCheck

If you’ve been following recent columns, you’ll know that I’ve been examining Dr. Glasser’s caring habits for building relationships, one at a time. To recap, those habits are: supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting, and negotiating differences.
We’ve now come to “respect.” The choice to respect is effective for any relationship—personal or professional. And respect is a choice, isn’t it? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Role of Trust in Relationships

Posted on February 12, 2023 by RealityCheck

How trusting are you? If you heard yourself described as a trusting person, would you take that as positive or negative? Does trusting mean that you are gullible?
My perception is that trust is a very good thing, in some situations and with some people. There are also situations where trusting would be misplaced; where we need to be on guard if we are to emerge unharmed.
Trust is one of the seven caring habits that Dr. Glasser lists for building good relationships. Practically speaking, what does trust mean in relationships? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Acceptance of Reality as a Caring Habit

Posted on February 5, 2023 by RealityCheck

Some people’s lives seem naturally filled with good, close relationships while others have a difficult time getting along with anyone. I certainly don’t have an easy answer for why these disparities exist. We only have control over some things. Thus, my focus is on what we can do to make life better.
The habits we use can either nurture or destroy relationships. This reality is addressed by Dr. Glasser in, “Take Charge of Your Life,” where he lists his seven “caring habits:” supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting, and negotiating differences.
I’ve been focusing on each habit, one at a time. The time has come to take a look at acceptance.
The inclusion of acceptance as one of the caring habits has been difficult for me to understand. What did Glasser mean? Surely he could not have meant that we must accept any and all behaviours from our fellows? Because you and I both know that some of the things that people do are simply not acceptable. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Caring Habit of Listening

Posted on January 29, 2023 by RealityCheck

We have many kinds of relationships. Some we choose, such as with our friends. Others are created through work, volunteering, or other connections. All of our relationships may not be chosen, but they can still be cooperative and functional.
In recent columns, I’ve referred to Dr. Glasser’s list of seven habits to improve relationships. The habits are useful for any relationship, regardless of whether it’s one we’ve chosen or one that we just can’t avoid.
Those habits listed in, “Take Charge of Your Life” are: supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting, and negotiating differences. I’ve been going through them one at a time; this column, it’s time for “listening.”
Listening can be difficult. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Encouragement as a Caring Habit

Posted on January 22, 2023 by RealityCheck

In a world where it can feel that we have little control over so much, it’s helpful to recognize what we can control—especially when it has a significant effect on our quality of life.
The care and nurturing of relationships is something we can control. We may not be able to have every relationship exactly as we’d like it to be—the other person does have some say in the matter, after all. But we have control over what we do, and that’s not to be sneezed at.
In “Take Charge of Your Life,” Dr. Glasser list seven specific habits to improve relationships. These caring habits are: supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting, and negotiating differences. This new year, I’m choosing to look at each habit individually. Last week’s topic was supporting; this week we’ll take a look at encouraging. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Caring Habit of Support

Posted on January 15, 2023 by RealityCheck

Unsatisfying relationships are at the heart of many unsatisfied lives. Good relationships are essential, but how do we get them? Is it luck? Accident? We see plenty of appeals to “be kind.” Will that do the trick?
In “Take Charge of Your Life,” Dr. Glasser lists seven specific habits that improve relationships. These “caring habits” are: supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting, and negotiating differences. Reading that list, it’s easy to nod and sigh, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone practised those?” Yes, it would. However, we can only control ourselves, right? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Starting with Goodwill

Posted on January 5, 2023 by RealityCheck

Have you ever had a conversation that somehow went awry? You believe that you spoke clearly and reasonably, but the other person either couldn’t or wouldn’t understand. Frustrating, isn’t it?
When we speak, we want to be heard and understood. We might not expect perfect agreement (though that would be nice) but we’d at least like to know that we’ve communicated.
You’d think that communication would be easy. But even in the simplest conversations, there are opportunities for misunderstandings. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Make Something Good Happen

Posted on January 5, 2023 by RealityCheck

The transition from one year to the next often motivates us to make a change, preferably for the better. Maybe you want to set out on a new adventure or improve a relationship.
Holidays often include opportunities to get together. We talk about what we’ve done and discuss hopes and plans for the year ahead.
If you are struggling, it can be really difficult to hear those conversations, even with people you love. You might be inclined to isolate yourself and think, “No one wants to hear about my miserable life.”
Whether you’ve heard it here or elsewhere, you likely know that the only person you can control is yourself. And while we can provide information to others, ultimately, they too are in charge of themselves.
This is both a freeing and a frightening concept. Continue reading →

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