Reality Check: Are you the only one?

Posted on April 3, 2022 by RealityCheck

Have you ever done something that you regret? Or avoided doing something that you now regret not doing? I have a feeling that most of us can answer yes to one or both of those questions.
Now, ask yourself: Do you believe that your regret is unique to you? That is, do you think that no one else has ever messed up as you have?
Regardless of your specific action (or lack of action), it must be kind of lonely if you believe that you are the only person who’s ever done something foolish. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Joy and the Sadness of Special Events

Posted on March 27, 2022 by RealityCheck

It’s been customary to mark special occurrences in our lives with events. We celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, graduations and other happy occasions. We also mark sad, difficult events with funerals and memorials.
So much has changed in just a few years. Restrictions made it impossible to celebrate or mourn as we used to do.
For some, that’s almost a relief. We don’t “have to” go to the bother of holding a big party for a happy occasion, nor do we “have to” go through the sadness associated with a large funeral. Years past, it would have seemed shocking to not have the customary gathering. Now, not only is it not expected, but some would perceive bringing people together as being irresponsible.
Does it matter whether we mark special days at all? That leads to another question: Do these events contribute to building relationships or not? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choosing Respect in Times of Turmoil

Posted on March 20, 2022 by RealityCheck

From your perspective, is the world in a state of turmoil? And if you do believe that these are unusually troubled times, does that belief affect how you live your life?
The world can seem very small. Communications that used to take days or weeks are now essentially instant. When something happens somewhere on the globe (especially something bad) we’re informed; right up to the minute. What’s the effect?
Anxiety is the response for some. People worry about the future—for themselves, family, friends. We are also concerned about the plight of others—even people we don’t know who are far from us. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Adapting, Changing, and Getting Along

Posted on March 14, 2022 by RealityCheck

Change. Does it seem to you that we’ve been experiencing constant change? Both the viral disease and responses to the threat of that disease have brought changes that affect millions of people.
Into this ever-changing environment now comes what? More change, of course. At the moment, the direction of change is toward loosening restrictions and enabling more freedom of choice.
Some people are happy about that direction; others are apprehensive. Therefore, the opportunities for conflict that we’ve had over recent years are not likely come to an end. How can people have such differing views of a situation? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Lost and Found

Posted on March 6, 2022 by RealityCheck

“So many people feel lost.” I read that comment recently and it’s stuck with me like a nagging thorn in my shoe.
Why? Perhaps it so succinctly expressed my perception. I have a haunting sense that many people—young and not-so-young—are feeling uncomfortably lost.
Each time period has its own flavour, I suppose. I’m no history buff, but my understanding is that the western world experienced a burst of prosperity after WWII. The basic needs that Dr. William Glasser speaks of: security, belonging, freedom, power, fun—anyone could strive to satisfy them (some more easily and successfully than others, of course.) Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Opinions, Beliefs, and Relationships

Posted on February 27, 2022 by RealityCheck

Do you base your opinions on facts? Science? Data? Common Sense? Of course you do. So do I. So, how can it be that we have different opinions about important things?
It’s easy enough to accept that we have different opinions about music, food, or who makes the best pickup trucks. That’s individual taste. It’s ok if I have fries instead of the sushi that my friend enjoys. He might consider me unsophisticated (probably correctly) but we aren’t going to fight about it. To each his own.
However, some differences cause real suffering in relationships. Pre-pandemic, we might not have thought of discussing even strongly held beliefs. It went without saying that anyone with “common sense” agrees with us, or so we thought. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Trapped by Thoughts? Here’s a Suggestion

Posted on February 20, 2022 by RealityCheck

No time to think? Feel that you can’t stop what you’re doing for one minute? People are depending on you. Things must be done; we can think later. If that’s your perception, you know it’s hard to stop, step back and see the big picture.
Others, however, have the opposite perception. They have too much time to think. And think. And think some more.
That would be wonderful, you may be thinking! If only I had too much time to think.
Perhaps. But whether the situation is satisfying or unsatisfying depends on what you are thinking about, doesn’t it?
For some, their thoughts don’t bring clarity, peace, or help them decide what to do. They might be thoughts of mistakes, regrets, hurts, worries, or wishes for things to be different. The range of unhappy thoughts is wide indeed. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To Fill a Caring Gap

Posted on February 13, 2022 by RealityCheck

When we’re not able to satisfy our basic needs, we’re unhappy. So I proposed examining our needs. Find out whether our needs are being met. If not, where are the gaps?
You may be thinking, it’s all well and good to learn that a need is going unsatisfied. Now I know why I’m unhappy! But what can I do about it?
According to Dr. William Glasser, there are five basic needs. We’ll focus on just one of them—the need for love and belonging. Because people often associate love exclusively with romantic love, I’ll instead look at it as a need for “caring and belonging.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What’s your outlook for today?

Posted on February 6, 2022 by RealityCheck

How are you doing today? We ask and answer that question so many times in our lives—at home, at work, with friends, in casual conversations. Often it’s a throwaway question; just a way of saying something to be polite. However, there are other times when it’s a real question; one where there is genuine interest in the answer.
So I’ll ask again. “How are you doing today?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Past and Future Worries

Posted on January 31, 2022 by RealityCheck

“One trip through the misery is more than enough for most people.” That’s a quote from Dr. Wm. Glasser where he discusses the value—or lack of value—of dwelling on past miseries.
The past is over. We can’t change what we did, nor can we change what anyone else did. We could revisit the past and relive the misery, regret, resentment, or anger, but is it useful? We can only act in the present.
However, this is not to dismiss the value of learning from experience. Continue reading →

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