Reality Check: When You Need To Say No

Posted on January 5, 2023 by RealityCheck

Somewhere, sometime, someone is going to ask you for something. They may ask for your time, your help, your money. You want to say “No.”
There are many valid reasons to decline. Maybe you feel stretched too thin. Maybe you think someone is taking advantage of you. Maybe you just don’t feel like being agreeable right now. The bottom line is, you want to say “No.”
However, you know—possibly based on experience—that saying “No” can be difficult. Your “no” is not always heard or respected. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Reality of Tradeoffs

Posted on December 18, 2022 by RealityCheck

Choices often require tradeoffs—we give up one thing to have another. We do this so frequently that we’re often not aware of it.
For example, if you’ve driven around today, then you made a tradeoff. You traded off the safety of staying off the road for the benefit of getting where you wanted to go. Most of the time, we don’t think about it—if we need to go somewhere, we just do it. However, when a wild blizzard is blowing over icy roads, the tradeoff is more likely to pop up. “Do I need to go out in this? Is it worth it?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: And the Word of the Year is…

Posted on December 11, 2022 by RealityCheck

Each year, Merriam-Webster—the dictionary people—declare a “Word of the Year” based on data about how frequently words were looked up. For 2022, the word is “gaslighting.”
If you’re not familiar with gaslighting, Merriam-Webster defines it as “the act or practice of grossly misleading someone especially for one’s own advantage.”
I know the word from the old “Gaslight” movie—the story of a woman who is manipulated by her husband into believing that she is losing her mind. How? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Your Unknown Impact

Posted on December 4, 2022 by RealityCheck

Do you know the impact of your life on others? Some people get direct feedback on their actions. For example, if you are in a workplace, you know what happens if you don’t show up for work. If you perform a service such as raising children or caregiving, you likely get very direct feedback from your “customers.” It may not always be complimentary, but you can be quite sure that your actions have an effect.
But our lives may touch people in ways that would never occur to us. If we are fortunate, we may be granted an opportunity to see that. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: So What If I’m Rejected?

Posted on November 27, 2022 by RealityCheck

Self-evaluation in choice theory encourages us to honestly ask, “Is what I’m doing working well for me?” If things are going well, we would likely choose to continue. If they’re not, we might make a change. Does that seem like common sense?
It might sound straight-forward, but I imagine that you can think of cases where someone refuses to change what they’re doing even when things are going very badly. We can always find an excuse, and one compelling excuse is fear. We sometimes have a legitimate fear of being embarrassed or rejected, as in the following situation. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Gifts and Earned Successes

Posted on November 13, 2022 by RealityCheck

For some folks, a favourite activity is comparing themselves with others. Who has the best car? The nicer house? The most friends on facebook? Keeping score can pass the time, but I don’t believe that it helps make one’s life more satisfying. Why?
Comparisons generally go one of two ways—you either feel smug because you are better off or you’re resentful because you are worse off.
If comparing doesn’t help, then what practices do contribute to a satisfying life? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Technology, For Better or Worse?

Posted on November 6, 2022 by RealityCheck

If you ever have conversations about “the way things are going,” it’s likely that the topic of technology has popped up.
Technology plays a big role in our lives. Even if you don’t use tech devices yourself, the fact that other people do can still have an impact on your life.
For the purpose of this column, I’m thinking specifically of the smartphone—that sweet little device that we can carry around in one hand, that enables us to talk, text, browse, take pictures, record conversations, and even play games. So much capability in such a small device!
My questions: “Does the smartphone help relationships or harm them? Does it bring us closer together or does it, in fact, separate us?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: How Can I Make This Work?

Posted on October 30, 2022 by RealityCheck

Let’s say you have a challenge in your life. Most of us do at some point; oftentimes, we have multiple challenges at the same time.
But for the sake of simplicity, let’s say we have just one challenge. I’ll use Paula’s story as an example. While based on a true situation, I have, of course, changed the details.
Paula’s sister, Lynn, has a chronic disease, a broken marriage, and financial difficulties. Paula would like to help. One practical response to the situation could be for Paula to move in with Lynn. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Would You Listen to Yourself?

Posted on October 23, 2022 by RealityCheck

For this post, I’ve chosen the headline, “Would you listen to yourself?” This simple question could be perceived quite differently by different people. What do you think it means?
Some folks would interpret it as an expression of exasperation. Even though it’s framed as a question, they hear judgement, even condemnation.
For example, Mom asks Sally how she plans to afford her apartment. When Sally responds with, “I’m going to be a movie star,” it’s conceivable that Mom would reply, “Would you listen to yourself?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Is it Overwork? Or Discouragement?

Posted on October 9, 2022 by RealityCheck

If you’re feeling dissatisfied, can you put your finger on the cause? It might be harder than you’d think.
For example, regardless of one’s stage in life, a common dissatisfaction is perceiving that one is overworked. Too much to do; too little time. Sound familiar?
Let’s take a look at two situations. In one case, you’re involved in an important cause with like-minded, enjoyable people. There’s an event coming up. You work non-stop. After the successful event, how do you feel? Perhaps physically tired, but satisfied by having met the goal. You may have even had some fun!
Contrast that with a situation where you are trudging away at a million tasks for people who never show appreciation. At the end of the day, how do you feel? Exhausted, frustrated, overworked?
What’s the difference? It’s not the amount of work, is it? Continue reading →

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