Reality Check: Sticking to the Plan

Posted on November 10, 2024 by RealityCheck

When I recently reviewed my to-do list, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had accomplished more than I had realized!
Perceptions are funny. Lots of factors contribute to how we perceive whether we are making progress. Brand new tasks continually pop up in front of us, insisting that they be handled. We could get the impression that we are making no headway at all. That would be discouraging, wouldn’t it? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Fishing for Choices

Posted on November 3, 2024 by RealityCheck

A story about halibut fishing in Alaska recently caught my attention. Now, I’m not generally interested in halibut fishing, and although Alaska is undoubtedly lovely, it doesn’t hold any special appeal for me.
What intrigued me was that the story appeared in the International Journal of Choice Theory and Reality Therapy. Dr. Janet Morgan described her fishing experience, which her husband and friends had convinced her would be calm, safe, and result in catching halibut.
Have you ever participated in something “fun” that you didn’t really want to do, but you agreed anyway? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Satisfaction of Being Useful

Posted on October 27, 2024 by RealityCheck

Dr. Glasser’s book, “Take Charge of Your Life” is subtitled, “How to get what you need with choice theory psychology.” In it, we are encouraged to make our choices deliberately and to evaluate the results.
We have to make choices every day, and it’s not always obvious what we should choose. What’s best? Sometimes none of the options look good. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Trust and Betrayal

Posted on October 20, 2024 by RealityCheck

“What can you do when you believe that your trust has been betrayed?” That question was posed to me recently, and even if you’ve never had a “betrayal experience,” it could still be worthwhile to put some thought into it.
As you might expect, my immediate response is, “It depends.” A difficult situation often involves many factors, and I find that I usually have more questions than answers. Having some appropriate questions to ask ourselves (or others)can at least get us started on the path to an effective response.
If I believed a bond of trust had been broken with me, here are some of the questions I would ask myself. Perhaps you’ll find them useful should this happen to you. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: If the cat would only change

Posted on October 13, 2024 by RealityCheck

Have you ever heard yourself saying, “If only [fill in whatever name you like here] would behave more sensibly. If only they’d pay attention. If only they were more responsible. You know, if only they would act like we want them to act.”
Even when we know the futility of “if only,” it can be hard to let go of that line of thought. If you want to try to change it, here’s a way of looking that just might help.
If you’re familiar with households that have both a cat and a dog, you know that pets develop their own ways of interacting. The cat may be dominant; the dog may be dominant. (Yeah, right.) Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Seeds of Goodwill

Posted on October 13, 2024 by RealityCheck

One day a few months back, a person I consider to be something of a mentor for me was taken ill. We are not closely connected, but I respect his work and consider him a trustworthy advisor.
So I sent him a note. It was a physical note on a piece of paper, which you may recognize is a bit of a rarity these days. Sending a note is hardly a big action on my part, but I found it satisfying to do it. With that act, small as that was, I had done what I could. I believed it was an appropriate expression of goodwill.
Quite some time later, I was astounded to receive a most kind response. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To Speak or To Hold Your Peace

Posted on October 6, 2024 by RealityCheck

Do you ever have moments in conversation when you wonder, “Should I speak up? Or is it better to bite my tongue?”
In some cases, it can seem like we don’t even have a choice. Let’s say someone has said something hurtful about you or one you love. We might reflexively lash out. No choice, right?
Yet even then, do we really have no choice? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What We Tell Ourselves

Posted on September 22, 2024 by RealityCheck

Do you talk to yourself? Some people have a rich inner conversation going on in their heads all the time; others have no idea what I’m referring to. That’s just another reminder of how different people are!
This column is targeted toward folks who do know what it means to have some kind of internal monologue. There seem to be quite a few of us, too. We use our internal conversations to help us think things through, to envision, create, and to work out problems.
Those conversations sometimes include asking questions of ourselves. For example, we might ask, “I wonder what I’ll be doing in five years” “Does X like me?” or “Should I get a new kitten?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Seize the Moment

Posted on September 15, 2024 by RealityCheck

Is today one of those days when you feel like you could take on the world? Or…not so much?
Our moods and energies can affect our results. When you’re feeling positive and energetic, have you seen that people treat you better? Do you have better success? Do other people seem happier too? Even if something unpleasant happens, are you better able to handle it?
Whether we feel on top of the world or down in the dumps can seem a mystery. Choice Theory does offer suggestions to gain more effective control over our feelings, but for this column, I’ll look at one way to take advantage of those moments when we are at the top of our game. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: That First Impulse

Posted on September 9, 2024 by RealityCheck

“Follow your heart.” This phrase is on T-shirts, plaques, coffee mugs. People quote it and presumably rely on it as a guiding principle. Let’s take a look at what that might mean. Continue reading →

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