Reality Check: One Good Thing

Posted on May 9, 2025 by RealityCheck

“Structured reality therapy” is an approach that Dr. Wm. Glasser developed and used for marriage counselling. Like some other aspects of Choice Theory, the process sounds almost simplistic; essentially it begins by having both people answer five straightforward questions.
Simplicity, however, can be clarifying. If we go through the process, that is, if we actually answer the questions sincerely, we can learn a lot about ourselves and the other person.
Last column, I took a look at the five questions as they apply to marriage. However, this structured approach can be helpful for many situations, not just marriage. One question in particular stands out as a potentially powerful way to help people shift perspective in a difficult situation. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Five Questions Meet a Conflict

Posted on April 30, 2025 by RealityCheck

Some people take a spontaneous seat-of-the-pants approach to life, while others find structure more satisfying. Personally, I find structure helpful: shopping lists, appointment calendars, journal reminders. Tools of this sort may not work perfectly, but they can help us develop a sense of control over our lives.
But structure isn’t just useful for keeping track of appointments. Dr. Glasser used a structured approach for marriage counselling which he described in “Counselling with Choice Theory.” His relationship counselling approach featured five questions. Those questions, or similar questions, are useful for other situations too.
Let’s take a look at his five questions. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Can We Resolve This Dispute?

Posted on April 25, 2025 by RealityCheck

Some of us like to solve problems. In fact, we might even identify ourselves as problem-solvers, based on successful problem solving incidents in our past! It’s satisfying to be able to assess a situation, interact with the involved parties, and offer up suggestions for resolution. Especially when those helpful suggestions are implemented and everybody goes away satisfied. Or at least, more satisfied than they were before we got involved.
Thus, it’s ego-bruising to see what seems to be a straightforward dispute that stubbornly refuses to be resolved. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To Make It Easier

Posted on April 16, 2025 by RealityCheck

When looking for information a while ago, I phoned a local business. I wasn’t quite as prepared as I like to be. Some of us, you know, like to have all our questions lined up beforehand so we are clear about exactly what we need to know. It’s business-like; efficient for everyone involved. And it goes along nicely with that Choice Theory concept of knowing what you want. It’s helpful to know what you want because when you do, you’ll know when you have it.
But for this inquiry, my thoughts were vague and my questions were muddled, so they did, in fact, accurately reflect my situation. That is, I didn’t know exactly what I wanted. I wasn’t even completely sure what to ask so I could find out what I wanted to know.
I apologized for this. To my surprise, the proprietor responded with, “Don’t worry. We’re here to make it easier for you.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What Do We Deserve?

Posted on April 12, 2025 by RealityCheck

“I don’t deserve this!” I’m sure you’ve heard it said and maybe even said it yourself. A typical context is, “I’m a good person. I don’t deserve this bad thing that’s happening to me.”
You could be right. We see examples of terrible things that seem so unfair. There are undeserved illnesses, especially in children; crimes, oppression, disasters turning lives upside down. It can be difficult to accept the reality that so many undeserved bad things happen. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: An Inconvenient Truth About Caring

Posted on April 3, 2025 by RealityCheck

Tradeoffs. In many situations, we can’t get exactly what we want; we have to choose among less-than-ideal options.
For example, let’s choose where to live. Town or country? One is convenient with easy access to services, but that is traded off against a lack of space and loss of privacy. What is more important? Which will best satisfy our needs? We won’t all choose the same answer.
Not all tradeoffs are obvious. Consider how we use our time. There are only so many hours in a day; when we spend them on one activity, others are not getting attention.
How about this one: Are tradeoffs needed if we want to have caring relationships? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Does It Matter Who Is Watching?

Posted on March 27, 2025 by RealityCheck

The choices that we make, both big and small, affect our lives. They contribute to whether we are reasonably satisfied or rather miserable. How do we make our choices?
If our behaviour is internally motivated as Dr. Glasser suggests, then we make choices in attempts to satisfy our needs. Sometimes people go about satisfying their needs by attempting to control others, which Glasser refers to as “external control.”
One example of external control that would be familiar to you is the use of rewards and punishment. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A Curious Quest

Posted on March 20, 2025 by RealityCheck

Everyone has an opinion about something. And some people seem to have opinions about everything! While this can make for lively conversation, differences in opinion can also result in hard feelings.
Our lives go a little more smoothly when we can get along with most of the people we need most of the time. We may not agree, but it’s helpful to be able to talk to each other civilly, cooperate as we need to, and see each other as people who deserve respect and dignity.
However, perhaps you have someone in your life with whom you just can’t seem to manage even basic civil conversation. If it’s necessary for you to interact, but you find it hard to be courteous (because they are so very wrong), then here is a suggestion for you. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When Our Choices Are Questioned

Posted on March 9, 2025 by RealityCheck

We make decisions each day; some big, many small. Many of us like to believe that we make those decisions based on logic and facts. We weigh pros and cons and we make the best possible choice based on the information that we have at the time.
I’m sure that there are times when that’s exactly how it happens, too!
If you’ve been reading these posts for awhile, then you already know that Dr. Glasser suggests that we choose our actions in attempts to satisfy our needs. Our needs aren’t necessarily selfish needs, Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Our Many Types of Relationships

Posted on February 26, 2025 by RealityCheck

Relationships. What do you think of? Perhaps the type of relationship that springs to mind is what we call “romantic” relationships, spouses, partners, girlfriends, boyfriends, and so on. The common phrase “in a relationship” is often taken to mean you have one special person with whom you share your life, decisions, plans.
That type of relationship is important. But we have other important relationships, too. Continue reading →

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