Reality Check: An Inconvenient Truth About Caring

Posted on April 3, 2025 by RealityCheck

Tradeoffs. In many situations, we can’t get exactly what we want; we have to choose among less-than-ideal options.
For example, let’s choose where to live. Town or country? One is convenient with easy access to services, but that is traded off against a lack of space and loss of privacy. What is more important? Which will best satisfy our needs? We won’t all choose the same answer.
Not all tradeoffs are obvious. Consider how we use our time. There are only so many hours in a day; when we spend them on one activity, others are not getting attention.
How about this one: Are tradeoffs needed if we want to have caring relationships? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Does It Matter Who Is Watching?

Posted on March 27, 2025 by RealityCheck

The choices that we make, both big and small, affect our lives. They contribute to whether we are reasonably satisfied or rather miserable. How do we make our choices?
If our behaviour is internally motivated as Dr. Glasser suggests, then we make choices in attempts to satisfy our needs. Sometimes people go about satisfying their needs by attempting to control others, which Glasser refers to as “external control.”
One example of external control that would be familiar to you is the use of rewards and punishment. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A Curious Quest

Posted on March 20, 2025 by RealityCheck

Everyone has an opinion about something. And some people seem to have opinions about everything! While this can make for lively conversation, differences in opinion can also result in hard feelings.
Our lives go a little more smoothly when we can get along with most of the people we need most of the time. We may not agree, but it’s helpful to be able to talk to each other civilly, cooperate as we need to, and see each other as people who deserve respect and dignity.
However, perhaps you have someone in your life with whom you just can’t seem to manage even basic civil conversation. If it’s necessary for you to interact, but you find it hard to be courteous (because they are so very wrong), then here is a suggestion for you. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When Our Choices Are Questioned

Posted on March 9, 2025 by RealityCheck

We make decisions each day; some big, many small. Many of us like to believe that we make those decisions based on logic and facts. We weigh pros and cons and we make the best possible choice based on the information that we have at the time.
I’m sure that there are times when that’s exactly how it happens, too!
If you’ve been reading these posts for awhile, then you already know that Dr. Glasser suggests that we choose our actions in attempts to satisfy our needs. Our needs aren’t necessarily selfish needs, Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Our Many Types of Relationships

Posted on February 26, 2025 by RealityCheck

Relationships. What do you think of? Perhaps the type of relationship that springs to mind is what we call “romantic” relationships, spouses, partners, girlfriends, boyfriends, and so on. The common phrase “in a relationship” is often taken to mean you have one special person with whom you share your life, decisions, plans.
That type of relationship is important. But we have other important relationships, too. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Why Do We Do the Things We Do?

Posted on February 26, 2025 by RealityCheck

Why, oh why? Why do we do things that don’t seem to make sense? Even if you always act sensibly yourself, it’s still an interesting question. The answers could help you figure out the rest of us.
Here’s one explanation, based on Choice Theory concepts. Dr. Glasser says humans have these five basic needs: survival/security, love/belonging, power/recognition, freedom and fun. While the basic needs apply to everyone, we have differences, too. For example, one person might have a strong need for fun; another a stronger need for security, and so on. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Different People; Different Pictures

Posted on February 14, 2025 by RealityCheck

Does everybody want basically the same thing? The idea is appealing, but is it true?
We can certainly find groups of people who do want essentially the same things. When we choose friends, it’s likely that they are people who share our values and beliefs. Teams, whether sports, work, or even “Team Canada” build on the idea, “We’re in this together. We have the same goals.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Those Pictures in our Heads

Posted on February 14, 2025 by RealityCheck

Have you noticed that people sometimes make choices that don’t make sense? Maybe you’ve even done this yourself! Curious, isn’t it? We know better. Why, oh why?
If you’ve been reading these columns, then you know that I have a theory for you! Choice Theory, to be specific. And while knowing a theory probably won’t keep us from making counterproductive choices, at least it can help us understand. That could help us have more control. And even if we can’t gain control, at least we can choose to be less frustrated about it. Understanding can help. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To Take Charge of Your Life

Posted on February 2, 2025 by RealityCheck

Over his long career, Dr. Wm. Glasser wrote a number of books to describe his approach to helping people get along better and live more satisfying lives. A well-known example is, “Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom.”
Years later, Glasser again described those concepts in, “Take Charge of Your Life.” Its subtitle: “How to get what you need with Choice Theory Psychology.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Expectations and Negotiations

Posted on February 2, 2025 by RealityCheck

During a New Year’s decluttering spree, I stacked objects to redirect to new homes in a pile that was way too high. What happened? It fell over. You and I both knew that would happen.
The logical question: “If you knew it was going to happen, then why did you do it?” Logic can be so annoying, don’t you find?
Experience teaches us many predictable consequences: Run on the ice; fall down. Eat nachos at bedtime; indigestion! Neglect your garden; welcome weeds. Continue reading →

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